Story Practicing for being dead

[falloutcarter13]

I had a friend who did datura last year and said it was like being a ghost. He said he was fully engaged with people who weren't really there, including dead relatives, and could not see or interact with people who were actually present with him at all. He made it sound like he'd slipped into some alternate dimension, and at one point he was convinced he *was* dead and he really was a ghost. I read reports of it being similar to a trip on diphenhydramine (benadryl) which I did when I was 20 and it was absolutely horrible. But the way my friend described it, it didn't sound all that similar at all.

Of course the first thing I did was buy some seeds and plant this. Its commonly called Devil's Trumpet. Well I've been neglecting my plants for weeks, because its hard for me to get around in a cast. But I went outside to water them a little while ago. The Datura had been blooming last time I was out there...now there are just giant seed pods all over it, and they're just starting to split open, so I collected a ton of seeds (which are supposed to have the highest concentration of...whatever chemical it is that causes the trip to happen.) Since deciding to ctb, I've lost all interest in chemical escapes, but this feels different. I'm on the fence about doing it...I don't know if experiencing this weird ghost dimension will make me want to ctb more, make me afraid of it, or just be a waste of the time I have left.

What would you do, if you were me?

 

[Meditation guide]

Interesting: Datura species have been revered as sacred visionary plants among almost all cultures around the world that have encountered it. Archeological evidence shows that Datura has been in use for at least 3,000 years in the southwestern United States and even longer in other parts of the world.

I had heard those were poisonous.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Interesting: Datura species have been revered as sacred visionary plants among almost all cultures around the world that have encountered it. Archeological evidence shows that Datura has been in use for at least 3,000 years in the southwestern United States and even longer in other parts of the world.

I had heard those were poisonous.

They are, that's why you trip. But I mean...I'm planning on ctb with SN in less than two months and maybe as soon as one...so I guess its fair to say I'm not really worried about poisoning myself?

 

[Meditation guide]

hat's why you trip.

I hope you let us know in detail what it's like! It sounds like something I might enjoy.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I hear ya. I've hated drugs my whole life but now that I'm hopefully at the end of my rope literally I wish I knew a drug dealer so I could try some things.

Its funny (well, not funny, but odd) that so many of us are so different, yet all of our paths led us to the same place. I'm the exact opposite...I had my first drink at 14, and it was immediately this feeling of "holy shit, there *is* an escape from this shithole!!" I didn't get into any drugs until I was in my 20s...unfortunately no hard drugs, because if I had I would be dead right now and I wouldn't have to be planning my own suicide. Mostly psychedelics were what I was into, to try to experience a different world than this one. Now that my plans to ctb are final, I have no desire to escape with drugs or booze anymore. I know the final escape is just around the corner. The only reason I'm even considering using datura is because of my friend's experience, and the fact that shamans in ancient cultures used it to contact the dead. I probably won't try it, I don't want to risk anything screwing up my plans, or my head any more than it already is.