Story Posting my story.

[AERIE]

Hi its my first post. I've been lurking for some time and decided to add something to the community. Here it goes..
I'm 21 as of now about to get booted from university. Doesnt matter im not interested in what im learning anyway i choose wrong path happens currently i applied for different jobs to just do something and afford basic stuff and help my family pay my bills. I have some plans for the future id like to work in IT and study it. Unfortunately i got myself addicted to really strong drugs at the age of 16 ever since everything i do is overshadowed by substance abuse. All my happines is gone only a void is left. I went to therapy seeked help i fought a battle it was fierce but i lost.My relationship broke ,money is gone,family doesnt really like me anymore my dad refuses to acknowledge i exist.I broke up with my partner cos the love died on my side overnight.I distanced myself from people despite being among them theres only loneliness. From time to time my substance habit comes back and i do some dumb stuff i regret. Self harm,hurting someone ,wasting money and alll my progress is erased just like that.I managed to cut down drugs significantly unfortunately i smoke a lot and drink alone quite often. I know all the downsides of my actions and i cant be bothered to change.What little hope there was died few hangovers ago. Therapy and psychiatric care with meds helped me or month or two at most it was not recovering but delaying eventual mess up.Last month i drifted further away from everybody relaped again and suffered with the knowledge that my future is wasted at most ill be okay. Getting there will take way more effort than im able to muster. I orderes SN that ought to arrive on thursday. Using it right away is tempting but if im going to see whats on the other side i want my last days to be slightly better than anything before. Thanks for reading

 

[Blue Elephant]

That's rough! I respect your decision. Thank you for sharing!

 

[Division Day]

If you make that choice, I hope you find peace. Sometimes our minds and our worlds just don't fit well together.

 

[Nx7]

Reading your story. Indeed, It's not easy. But you gotta decide your own fate and exit plan. I still think you could wait a little more before making the final decision. I wish you luck tho'

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, it must be dreadful what you've been through, I imagine it must be a relief just knowing you will have the option of a reliable way to cease existing.