Venting Posting my problems onto the internet

[PeterThePizzaGuy55]

Here I am at 4AM, alone in my room crying posting my problems onto the internet. Why? I don't know. Maybe just to get my thoughts out. Or maybe so people can have this records when I die. Besides that, onto the venting.
I'm an adult, I should be mature and grateful for the life I have, for the place I live and the family I've got but yet here I am still miserable after so many years. It never ends. Some days I'll feel a bit better, hopeful even, then I'll just spiral back into this self hatred and depressing cycle. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and then I just fall into another hole.
Everyday, every week, every month is the same. I can't get myself out of this cycle. And oh how I wish I had someone to comfort me. Just someone to tell me it's going to be ok. I have online friends, yeah. People I've gamed with and FaceTimed but..irl friends? Nada, none. It's shameful I know, being a loner is pretty lame. I don't even mean to be! It's just that I'm really unlikeable. Nobody wants to hang out with the depressed freak.

I hope that I just fall asleep and never wake up. I'm too much of a wuss to ctb myself. I tried once and then felt guilty. I always hope that someday I'll just be walking to the store and get hit by an out of control car or that some crazy killer will choose me as their quick victim. Is it worse I've been wishing for that since I was around 8? Probably. Man my life is fucked. I dunno, just felt like venting once again.
Er happy pride month and ya'll should totally watch the 1987 film Munchies. Nice rip off of the gremlins movie

 

[highjumping]

I feel basically the exact same but people always say "you have to be there for yourself" I can't take any care of myself and I'm tired of having to do everything on my own, fuck people.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to never wake again, such a thing has always sounded so ideal to me, I find it awful how suicide is purposely made so difficult in this world. But anyway it must be tiring what you go through, I wish you the best.