cultpup
Member
- Nov 1, 2023
- 25
it's less so that i want to die because i liked them too much to live and more so that this just proves that no matter how hard i try, even when i think it's going really good, i still fuck everything up some how. i can't even fucking fathom what i could have done wrong. i know we're both just anxious people but i really didn't think i did so badly they "need to think about it"?????? or maybe i just don't know how anything works and it's normal and i can't handle normal parts of dating. i just wanted to be friends with them it isn't even having sex or being romantic i was just hoping to hang out again because they're fun to talk to and i'm pretty sure we were both aware this wasn't a "do i want to be in a relationship with you or not" date but maybe i'm just fucking stupid and failed it no matter what it was. the first time this entire year after a really bad depressive episode i wanted to make friends IRL and everything was great until i guess they just didn't like me IRL haha but it's cool who cares i don't need people anyways. just eat sleep work i just have to stop letting myself want or need people but i keep fucking it up by wanting things out of life. i just need to stop wanting things. i keep forgetting that giving up is better. i'm never going to have what i want it's never going to happen it can't happen i can't keep trying it's just not going to work and i keep hoping it will and it gets worse every single time i try. it only ever gets worse.
not looking for advice, at all.
not looking for advice, at all.
