Venting Post-Hippie Mentality (Vent)

[greyblue_bian]

I've just come back home from a 3-day trip with my mom. A week before I left, my family and I had a conversation to try and communicate what is wrong with between us and try to fix things. It ended with them saying that they have always cared about me and love me and don't understand why I feel the way I do. There was much more but I won't get into it. I came back yesterday, and they went to sleep a few minutes after we arrived last night. Before I went to bed, I made sure to catch up with my cousin only to informed that my uncle said something to her when she was upset along the lines of "What's wrong? You're being sensitive like "Fiamma".

My issue with this is that when I confronted them about the things they've called me to my face and when I wasn't there, they denied it all or made excuses for it saying they don't have to apologize verbally because in their cases, apologies are implied. So since it's happened again, when I wasn't there, I can't say anything. I also don't know what to say to them either.

How can everything I've felt and been through be summarized into one word? And then how can they say they respect me, care for me, love me even, and claim to treat me as their own? I am only slightly lucky I am not their kid. Not their kid, not their problem at least.

I don't know what to do. As I've posted before, I ordered from two different SN sources and my mom took one before I could get to it, and the other one I have arrived yellowish and solid so I'm not sure it will work. I can't keep living to keep the peace for everyone else anymore. But I want to live for my cousins but I don't know. I think they would be better off without me being a burden in their house and maybe their parents will treat them better now that one of us has successfully killed themselves.

 

[MrDarkness]

It's sad to see how other humans need to put others down and talk behind their back, your not a burden no one is. I hope your able to find peace in life or death

 

[greyblue_bian]

I know these may sound like I'm hyper fixating on one comment they have made, but they made multiple other ones and have talked behind my back and even denied doing so even when the people who were there with me when it happened step up as well (being my mom or cousin). I think I am just emotionally drained now and still wondering why I am so much of a people-pleaser when I have had so many other things that have happened to me in my life that I put aside to remain happy for someone else. Also my 12-year-old cousin has told me that she cuts and I don't know what to do. I'm scared she might try attempting again, but as it's been said, it's hypocritical that I don't want her to and I am planning on doing the same thing.

 

[lopsidedcrawdad1]

I've just come back home from a 3-day trip with my mom. A week before I left, my family and I had a conversation to try and communicate what is wrong with between us and try to fix things. It ended with them saying that they have always cared about me and love me and don't understand why I feel the way I do. There was much more but I won't get into it. I came back yesterday, and they went to sleep a few minutes after we arrived last night. Before I went to bed, I made sure to catch up with my cousin only to informed that my uncle said something to her when she was upset along the lines of "What's wrong? You're being sensitive like "Fiamma".

My issue with this is that when I confronted them about the things they've called me to my face and when I wasn't there, they denied it all or made excuses for it saying they don't have to apologize verbally because in their cases, apologies are implied. So since it's happened again, when I wasn't there, I can't say anything. I also don't know what to say to them either.

How can everything I've felt and been through be summarized into one word? And then how can they say they respect me, care for me, love me even, and claim to treat me as their own? I am only slightly lucky I am not their kid. Not their kid, not their problem at least.

I don't know what to do. As I've posted before, I ordered from two different SN sources and my mom took one before I could get to it, and the other one I have arrived yellowish and solid so I'm not sure it will work. I can't keep living to keep the peace for everyone else anymore. But I want to live for my cousins but I don't know. I think they would be better off without me being a burden in their house and maybe their parents will treat them better now that one of us has successfully killed themselves.

You can test it with a fish tank nitrite test strip that you can get at any pet store. If its real please pm me your source.