Post a joke

[jodes2]

This is from r/unclejokes....

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

Spoiler: answer

You can't peanut butter a duck up your ass

 

[Superdeterminist]

Existence.

 

[Dead Ghost]

 

[jodes2]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Spoiler: answer

No idea

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

Spoiler: answer

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or dick?

Spoiler: answer

Still no fucking idea

 

[GasMonkey]

Dead Ghost translating all his posts to Catalan.

 

[Mr_House]

Dead Ghost translating all his posts to Catalan.

What is Catalan?

 

[Dead Ghost]

Dead Ghost translating all his posts to Catalan.

I don't translate them into Catalan, I translate them into English.

//

No els tradueixo pas al català, els tradueixo a l'anglés.

 

[VirtualSnow]

What is Catalan?

A language spoken in the northeast of Spain, if I recall correctly, @Dead Ghost is from there and writes their posts in it and then translates them to english.

 

[Dead Ghost]

What is Catalan?

A language like any other, only mine.

//

Un idioma com qualsevol altre, només que és el meu.

 

[Mr_House]

Cool Language, @Dead Ghost

Alright, I'll post a joke to get this post back on track

---

What did the dog say?

Woof​

 

[Dead Ghost]

 

[Un-]

The comments section is even better. Some gems:
- Watching my daughter at the park earlier. Another parent asked "Which one's yours?"

Spoiler: ..

Just for fun I said "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

-What's the difference between an infant and an onion?

Spoiler: ..

I cry when I chop up onions.

-Why did the kid drop his ice cream?

Spoiler: ..

He was raped.

-My uncle knows how to do magic tricks.

Spoiler

He turns 4 liters of beer into 4 hours of abuse

-Friends are like giraffes:

Spoiler

If you shoot them, they die.

- "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"

Spoiler

"It's the police ma'am your son has been hit by a drunk driver, he's dead."

- Does anyone know why my German girlfriend keeps saying her age everytime we snuggle?

-What does the "F" in Ethiopia stand for?

Spoiler

Food.

- A horse walks into a bar.
"Why the long face?" The bartender asks.

Spoiler

"My family died in a plane crash last night"

- What do you call a cheap circumcision?

Spoiler

A rip-off.

- What do you call a disabled kid with no arms?

Spoiler

Names

- This comment section is so dark that its life matters now.

 

[narval]

the world we live in is the joke. a dark one.

 

[jodes2]

Why must Jewish men get circumcised?

Spoiler: answer

Jewish women don't touch anything with less than 10% off

 

[jodes2]

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.
The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
The engineer places his head under the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says:
'Wait a minute, I see your problem...'

 

[jodes2]

What's the difference between a Rolls-Royce and a dead hooker?

Spoiler: answer

I don't have a Rolls-Royce in my garage