elpurp
Member
- Dec 29, 2024
- 9
me and my ex have been on no contact for two weeks now, and i've been a fucking mess. i had my first panic attack before that day after ingesting thc oil (i was trying so hard to numb myself of feeling anything), and i've been pretty consistently high/drunk all month since she broke up with me on new years. i've decided to stay sober the rest of the month (mostly bc i'm broke) and feel the breakup and attempt to heal. it honestly hasn't been going well, i've been trying to fill the void she left with dating apps with little to no success. anybody i do find, i'm still broken so my heart isn't even all the way in it.
just when i was genuinely starting to get over her and start taking the necessary steps to get back to loving myself, i got sick. and i've been sick for the last two days. that was five months of bliss. and even if the last few weeks weren't so great, i'd much rather prefer working that out with her than being back to alone. i couldn't help but start sobbing and shaking when my mama hugged me today, i haven't cried like that in years.
deep down, i know that was my closest shot at a relationship and that's all i'll get for the rest of the decade at least. nothing but failed talking stages and rejections for me again until i choose to stop being such a pussy and ctb.
just when i was genuinely starting to get over her and start taking the necessary steps to get back to loving myself, i got sick. and i've been sick for the last two days. that was five months of bliss. and even if the last few weeks weren't so great, i'd much rather prefer working that out with her than being back to alone. i couldn't help but start sobbing and shaking when my mama hugged me today, i haven't cried like that in years.
deep down, i know that was my closest shot at a relationship and that's all i'll get for the rest of the decade at least. nothing but failed talking stages and rejections for me again until i choose to stop being such a pussy and ctb.
