UniqueWorm
the horrors persist but so do i
- Sep 9, 2024
- 25
I dont have access to many things since im under pretty strict supervision. I dont have access to:
-anything you have to order
-anything you couldnt buy at a grocery/corner store
-partial/full suspension (no place that holds my weight were i would be alone for 10+ minutes unsuspciously)
-cutting (mabye, if i could manage to find a good enough blade at the small corner store near store but i doubt)
-jumping (no buildings/bridges high enough that i could get to without being looked for)
I do have:
-percecription meds (Tenex (Guanfacine), Lamictal (lamotrigine), Inderal (Propranolol)) but i can't save up too many. I am hesitant to use Inderal because if i survie its the only thing so far that helps with panic attacks and i would get taken off of it
-alcohol
I have a pretty high SI, like insanely high. Ive tried to over dose on meds and i blacked before effects should have started out and had apparently made myself throw up immediately and called 911, any past hanging/Strangling attempts have ended with me untieing/wriggling out (I want to die, but my lizard brain isnt on board).
Anything would have to done at night
one possible idea is taking a bunch of meds (anything i can get), drinking alcohol and jumping in a fast river (i am an insanely stong swimmer so being fucked up is probably the only thing that would work) but the issue is id have to leave my house on the bus without rasing suspicion which would mean pretending to go to work, and my boss would 100% call my family if i was late
-anything you have to order
-anything you couldnt buy at a grocery/corner store
-partial/full suspension (no place that holds my weight were i would be alone for 10+ minutes unsuspciously)
-cutting (mabye, if i could manage to find a good enough blade at the small corner store near store but i doubt)
-jumping (no buildings/bridges high enough that i could get to without being looked for)
I do have:
-percecription meds (Tenex (Guanfacine), Lamictal (lamotrigine), Inderal (Propranolol)) but i can't save up too many. I am hesitant to use Inderal because if i survie its the only thing so far that helps with panic attacks and i would get taken off of it
-alcohol
I have a pretty high SI, like insanely high. Ive tried to over dose on meds and i blacked before effects should have started out and had apparently made myself throw up immediately and called 911, any past hanging/Strangling attempts have ended with me untieing/wriggling out (I want to die, but my lizard brain isnt on board).
Anything would have to done at night
one possible idea is taking a bunch of meds (anything i can get), drinking alcohol and jumping in a fast river (i am an insanely stong swimmer so being fucked up is probably the only thing that would work) but the issue is id have to leave my house on the bus without rasing suspicion which would mean pretending to go to work, and my boss would 100% call my family if i was late
