Positive realizations

[yannyorlaurel]

I sleep deprived myself and am currently in a state of mild euphoria because of it. I dropped out of university after realizing I have bipolar II comorbid with borderline personality disorder. It's typically a sheer hell to deal with, and the thought of living with it forever is often a huge source of anxiety with me. I constantly feel in a panic about needing to accomplish things, to keep up with people, etc.

Today I finally realized a positive thing. Nobody is dictating my life... I can choose to seek therapy and hopefully after a few years get 1k a month in benefits. Then, whose stopping me from having total freedom? I can live in a van down by the river with a dog on Maui if I want to for example! This plan is contingent on benefits, but even if I didn't receive them, I could use the van to do food delivery and be a pot-smoking hippie the rest of the time. Who's gonna stop me? I've come to understand I have spent so much of my life living by others standards. We live on a rock in the middle of a solar system for goddsake. Being suicidal so often has made me even more determined to live, and to do so on my terms and living in whatever manner I want (with some logical planning). I'm young and i've never heard an old person say they wish they hadn't had more adventures before they died.

 

[Life_and_Death]

totally, you should never live your life by others standards. you should live your life the way you want to and if someone doesnt accept that then they wouldnt make very good friends

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i'm glad you've realized you don't exist to please others. we don't exist for anybody but ourselves. wishing you the best :)