yannyorlaurel
Member
- Aug 31, 2020
- 29
I sleep deprived myself and am currently in a state of mild euphoria because of it. I dropped out of university after realizing I have bipolar II comorbid with borderline personality disorder. It's typically a sheer hell to deal with, and the thought of living with it forever is often a huge source of anxiety with me. I constantly feel in a panic about needing to accomplish things, to keep up with people, etc.
Today I finally realized a positive thing. Nobody is dictating my life... I can choose to seek therapy and hopefully after a few years get 1k a month in benefits. Then, whose stopping me from having total freedom? I can live in a van down by the river with a dog on Maui if I want to for example! This plan is contingent on benefits, but even if I didn't receive them, I could use the van to do food delivery and be a pot-smoking hippie the rest of the time. Who's gonna stop me? I've come to understand I have spent so much of my life living by others standards. We live on a rock in the middle of a solar system for goddsake. Being suicidal so often has made me even more determined to live, and to do so on my terms and living in whatever manner I want (with some logical planning). I'm young and i've never heard an old person say they wish they hadn't had more adventures before they died.
Today I finally realized a positive thing. Nobody is dictating my life... I can choose to seek therapy and hopefully after a few years get 1k a month in benefits. Then, whose stopping me from having total freedom? I can live in a van down by the river with a dog on Maui if I want to for example! This plan is contingent on benefits, but even if I didn't receive them, I could use the van to do food delivery and be a pot-smoking hippie the rest of the time. Who's gonna stop me? I've come to understand I have spent so much of my life living by others standards. We live on a rock in the middle of a solar system for goddsake. Being suicidal so often has made me even more determined to live, and to do so on my terms and living in whatever manner I want (with some logical planning). I'm young and i've never heard an old person say they wish they hadn't had more adventures before they died.
