Poll: What would you do?

[Lostkitten1]

So I've been a member of this site for a while, although I've been inactive for ~6-7 months or so. I'm simply interested in what others would do if they were in the position I find myself in.

I had a little life-breaking legal issue last year, I'm not inclined to go into details as to what said legal issue is, however it resulted in me quitting my job before they fired me, losing pretty much everyone I ever cared about AND facing the prospect of a few years jail time on top. Up to that point I'd been happy in a secure although not greatly paying job, with people around me I could call friends, an alien concept for me as being high-functioning autistic means for me I can't make social connections easily. A couple of months after my first police visit, once they'd finished ransacking my house and taking most of my possessions, I'd hit rock bottom and found this community. At first I found solace in the threads of other people, before making an account and adding a little of my own voice where I thought it would be most useful. (Yes, you used to be able to browse the forum as a public, non-logged-in guest before some do-gooder decided the community here is "dangerous". I'm not going to get into that argument, move along).

Around the same time I bought myself some SN, more for the comfort of knowing it was there than to ever use it, but I ended up nearly catching the bus a grand total of 5 times before I finally got myself onto antidepressants, starting with Citalopram before transitioning to Mirtazapine because the former kept me awake, in a couple of cases for >36 hour stints. In general the treatment worked more or less, insofar as while I'm still depressed and vaguely self-destructive, I care less about the reasons as to why. All the while, my bail was being extended in three-month bursts, often with less than a week warning, which I guess I should be thankful for but it's very difficult to settle into a regular day-to-day rhythm with a maybe-or-maybe-not impending incarceration hanging over your head. Which brings me to today, one week before I was supposed to be recalled, my case officer extends my bail YET AGAIN.

Bastard.

So now I find myself rock bottom again. Frankly, I've had enough. Enough of the wanker running the investigation, enough of trying to do the best I could do for the community I loved so much and the people I cared about. I've got no job prospects, no family to speak of and no way out. Well, no "good" way out, in the eyes of others. That bottle of SN powder in my drawer is looking mighty enticing right about now. I've no idea if it's any good after a year or so, but there's enough there that even if it's less effective than it should be, it should still do the job. So, the question: If you were in my shoes (and you don't want to be, believe me), what would you do? And please be honest.

 

[Makko]

Speaking from my own perspective, if I got into a cancel situation as you describe, I'd hold out until I'm free and then move countries (or at least cities) as soon as possible. I'd see it as a signal to start over, but that's because I love finding excuses for doing reckless things and going on adventure. I wouldn't kill myself over it but that's because that sort of situation can't take away anything of value that I can't get back in some way. Jobs and friends can be made everywhere.

 

[Lostkitten1]

I'd agree if not for the alleged crime, and it's associated stigma. I suspect even if they called me right this second to say "oops, sorry, no, we got it wrong. You're a free man" I'd never get even close to where I was, or where I want to be. As for moving locations, I suspect if/when all this is over (assuming I don't decide to make my own way out) I'll be forced to relocate anyway, and if not I can't afford to move cities let alone countries, I'm living off of the government as it is. Savings are precisely 0.
While it's true jobs and friends can in theory be made anywhere, I don't think I'll ever get over losing what I had - it's a difficult feeling to quantize and write down, then again most feelings are for me. For comparison, imagine losing your children, knowing they're alive but also knowing you'll never see them again, and they'll never know what happened to you, they just know you're "gone". It's a horrible, chest-crushing feeling and I'm living (barely) with it every day. Even with time and tide, I doubt that'll ever go away, and maybe it shouldn't. Who knows.

Edit: Line breaks make things easier to read!

 

[whywere]

Well lets see...1st) I could care less about your infraction EXCEPT for murder, child porn, and the like, then that is a totally different story here. 2nd) With that said for me, being 100% honest, I would see if whatever country I live in has social services to help. If so I would work like heck with them, if not then I would work with all the global family here for lots of support and take time to evaluate everything. I know it is a duh!, but ctb IS the last solution period. One and done. I would also, for real think about moving to a different country, if possible and have a clean slate do over. I could never fully understand your position because it, deep down, nobody but you can/could because each of us is SO unique upon ourselves. Please feel free to pm me as YOU are a global family member and we are ALL the same here. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, facing all of our own and lives demons TOGETHER. Send you lots of hugs, love, caring and a bright blue sunny day! Walter

 

[Makko]

I'd agree if not for the alleged crime, and it's associated stigma. I suspect even if they called me right this second to say "oops, sorry, no, we got it wrong. You're a free man" I'd never get even close to where I was, or where I want to be. As for moving locations, I suspect if/when all this is over (assuming I don't decide to make my own way out) I'll be forced to relocate anyway, and if not I can't afford to move cities let alone countries, I'm living off of the government as it is. Savings are precisely 0.
While it's true jobs and friends can in theory be made anywhere, I don't think I'll ever get over losing what I had - it's a difficult feeling to quantize and write down, then again most feelings are for me. For comparison, imagine losing your children, knowing they're alive but also knowing you'll never see them again, and they'll never know what happened to you, they just know you're "gone". It's a horrible, chest-crushing feeling and I'm living (barely) with it every day. Even with time and tide, I doubt that'll ever go away, and maybe it shouldn't. Who knows.

Edit: Line breaks make things easier to read!

Have you been convicted? I know a man who was tried for double murder. He was acquitted, but still went to prison for contempt of court. Now, years later, he's a respected member of his community again. His life was never quite the same again, and some people still believe him guilty, but life doesn't end. He came out on the other side and is living on, somehow.

That being said, once you get cancelled you don't get uncancelled. I know a public case in my country where a man got charged with possession of child pornography. He got convicted in the first instance and acquitted in the second. After the first verdict, he got into the situation you describe. He was a manga translator and had exclusive contracts with major publishers, and also had a family. After the first verdict he instantly lost all of that. Even though he was later finally proven not guilty in the court of appeal, the job and family didn't come back. The damage was done. Years later he gave an interview. He lived in a different town, worked as a teacher of some kind and was generally miserable.

I understand the financial difficulty of moving, but unfortunately I can't relate to the social part you describe, hence why skipping town would really not be a big deal for me. But I get that it would be a big deal for most.

 

[Lostkitten1]

Well lets see...1st) I could care less about your infraction EXCEPT for murder, child porn, and the like, then that is a totally different story here. 2nd) With that said for me, being 100% honest, I would see if whatever country I live in has social services to help. If so I would work like heck with them, if not then I would work with all the global family here for lots of support and take time to evaluate everything. I know it is a duh!, but ctb IS the last solution period. One and done. I would also, for real think about moving to a different country, if possible and have a clean slate do over. I could never fully understand your position because it, deep down, nobody but you can/could because each of us is SO unique upon ourselves. Please feel free to pm me as YOU are a global family member and we are ALL the same here. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, facing all of our own and lives demons TOGETHER. Send you lots of hugs, love, caring and a bright blue sunny day! Walter

I agree: CTB is the last solution, the "nuclear option" if you like. But for so many of us here, including the ones who have had the courage to actually flag that bus down and get on, it is a viable and equally-considered option as any other.

Although I won't discuss what my alleged crime is for obvious reasons, I will say it isn't one of the ones you've listed. That being said, I would argue that a lot of people who do commit those kinds of crimes are possibly in a much darker place than I am, and maybe they should be helped as much as any other. Maybe even helped more so. Speaking for myself, I would 100% support anyone, regardless of what they've done or been accused of, partially because an accusation is exactly that - an accusation that may or may not be accurate, and also because if they're here genuinely asking for help, then they've probably realized the gravity of their situation and are in far greater need of support than someone like myself. Regardless of what someone is accused of or guilty of, they should always be given help if they're asking for it. Maybe the world would be a better place if they were.

As for travelling and or moving, it's interesting that before my little crisis, I'd never really considered "going on an adventure", for lack of a better term. I've always been an indoors person. It seems that now I'm getting the urge to be outside exactly at a time when I pretty much can't be. I've never left my home country before, I don't even have a passport or a driving license, but I find myself wanting to get out there and go places. I'd love to go live somewhere nice and remote, maybe somewhere in Canada or the US, with a nice stable (ish) economy, but far enough away from the world that it no longer influences me, where I can be "in my own little world" as it were. Unfortunately that's never going to happen, ignoring a lack of funding I highly doubt I could emigrate anywhere if I'm convicted, they don't let criminals do that as far as I know. Maybe I'm wrong. If I am, that would be my plan, to ride this storm out then flip the entire country off on my way to the plane. Find myself a nice wood cabin on my own land somewhere where you need a map and a compass to find me, and just live there. Next best thing to actually CTB'ing, I suppose. Shame it's just a dream really.

Note: I remembered line breaks this time!

Have you been convicted? I know a man who was tried for double murder. He was acquitted, but still went to prison for contempt of court. Now, years later, he's a respected member of his community again. His life was never quite the same again, and some people still believe him guilty, but life doesn't end. He came out on the other side and is living on, somehow.

That being said, once you get cancelled you don't get uncancelled. I know a public case in my country where a man got charged with possession of child pornography. He got convicted in the first instance and acquitted in the second. After the first verdict, he got into the situation you describe. He was a manga translator and had exclusive contracts with major publishers, and also had a family. After the first verdict he instantly lost all of that. Even though he was later finally proven not guilty in the court of appeal, the job and family didn't come back. The damage was done. Years later he gave an interview. He lived in a different town, worked as a teacher of some kind and was generally miserable.

I understand the financial difficulty of moving, but unfortunately I can't relate to the social part you describe, hence why skipping town would really not be a big deal for me. But I get that it would be a big deal for most.

No, I've not even technically been charged with anything yet! Over a year and counting.

Therein lies an issue with modern journalism and society - judgements don't matter, the accusations do. I could be easily found not guilty, but it doesn't matter. My life as it was ended the moment the accusation was made, with no recourse. There are days I literally spend the entire 24 hours crying alone in my house, and days I spend looking online for potential jobs, trying to work out how I can rebuild at least some of myself. Right now I'm more the "crying alone" end of the spectrum rather than the other end. To be honest, if I had the chance to ask for a firing squad, I'd have done it already right now. I should note that the firing squad isn't even possible in this country, no capital punishment is, and even if it was it wouldn't be applicable to my situation. That wouldn't stop me from asking though, just to make everything end.