(poll) What parenting style did your parents use?

[apearl]

I think it would be interesting to see maybe a correlation of a certain types of parenting styles and suicidal idealization

(Summary of the types, but you may need to google to get a full idea of them)

Authoritarian - high demandingness, low responsiveness
Permissive - low demandingness, high responsiveness
Authoritative - high demandingness, high responsiveness
Neglectful - low demandingness, low responsiveness

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

It would also be interesting to see what the overlap is with attachment styles.
Mine were neglectful and I turned out avoidant. As you might imagine, relationships were very difficult.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Your summary of the types isn't very good. Unless you already happen to know about those types, someone with no knowledge of them might still be confused about what they mean.

A more in-depth description of each one

Authoritarian Parenting
Parents of this style tend to have a 1-way mode of communication where the parent establishes strict rules that the child obeys. There is little to no room for negotiations from the child, and the rules are not usually explained. They expect their children to uphold these standards while making no errors. Mistakes generally lead to punishment. Authoritarian parents are normally less nurturing and have high expectations with limited flexibility.
Children who grow up with authoritarian parents will usually be the most well-behaved in the room because of the consequences of misbehaving. Additionally, they can better adhere to the precise instructions required to reach a goal. Furthermore, this parenting style can result in children who have higher levels of aggression but may also be shy, socially inept, and unable to make their own decisions.[1] This aggression can remain uncontrolled as they have difficulty managing anger as they were not provided with proper guidance. They have poor self-esteem, which further reinforces their inability to make decisions.[2] Strict parental rules and punishments often influence the child to rebel against authority figures as they grow older.
Authoritative Parenting
This parent typically develops a close, nurturing relationship with their children. They have clear guidelines for their expectations and explain their reasons associated with disciplinary actions. Disciplinary methods are used as a way of support instead of punishment. Not only can children have input into goals and expectations, but there are also frequent and appropriate levels of communication between the parent and their child. Generally, this parenting style leads to the healthiest outcomes for children but requires a lot of patience and effort from both parties.
Authoritative parenting results in children who are confident, responsible, and able to self-regulate.[1][3] They can manage their negative emotions more effectively, which leads to better social outcomes and emotional health. Since these parents also encourage independence, their children will learn that they can accomplish goals independently. This results in children who grow up with higher self-esteem. Also, these children have high academic achievement and school performance.[4]
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents tend to be warm and nurturing and usually have minimal expectations. They impose limited rules on their children. Communication remains open, but parents allow their children to figure things out for themselves. These low levels of expectation usually result in rare uses of discipline. They act more like friends than parents.
Limited rules can lead children to unhealthy eating habits, especially regarding snacks.[5] This can result in increased risks for obesity and other health problems later in the child's life. The child also has a lot of freedom as they decide their bedtime, if or when to do homework, and screen time with the computer and television.[6] Freedom to this degree can lead to other negative habits as the parent does not provide much guidance on moderation. Overall, children of permissive parents usually have some self-esteem and decent social skills. However, they can be impulsive, demanding, selfish, and lack self-regulation.[7][8]
Uninvolved Parenting
Children are given a lot of freedom as this type of parent typically stays out of the way. They fulfill the child's basic needs while remaining detached from their child's life. An uninvolved parent does not utilize a particular disciplining style and has limited communication with their child. They tend to offer little nurturing while having little or no expectations of their children.
The children of uninvolved parents are usually resilient and may even be more self-sufficient than children with other types of upbringing. However, these skills are developed out of necessity. Additionally, they might have trouble controlling their emotions, less effective coping strategies, academic challenges, and difficulty maintaining or nurturing social relationships.[9][10]

The most ideal parenting style is considered to be an authoritative one. Most Western parents try to emulate this parenting style, though they still rank a bit low on responsiveness (somewhere between authoritative and authoritarian).

Edit: It should also be noted that parents can have clashing parenting styles (one parent may lean towards one style and another parent may lean towards a different style). Parents who belong to one category may also display some characteristics of another category.

For example, I would say that both of my parents were overall authoritative, but they both had a few characteristics of different styles. My mom had some characteristics of an authoritarian style (especially when I was younger), as she generally wasn't open to communication, would sometimes punish me for my mistakes, and her disciplinary methods were generally used to punish me rather than support me. At the same time, unlike an authoritarian parent, she didn't hold me to super high standards and, as I got older, I was allowed some say in the goals I had in life. My dad, on the other hand, displayed a few characteristics of permissive parenting, as he saw himself as my best friend and rarely punished me. I can count on one hand the amount of times he has ever yelled at me. He was a lot more easy on me. However, he still had things, like expectations of me.

 

[apearl]

Your summary of the types isn't very good. Unless you already happen to know about those types, someone with no knowledge on them might still be confused about what they mean.

A more in-depth description of each one


The most ideal parenting style is considered to be an authoritative one. Most Western parents try to emulate this parenting style, though they still rank a bit low on responsiveness (somewhere between authoritative and authoritarian).

Yea its not the best thats why I said google it, it was hard for me to find a super short summary about them. Thanks for the additional info!

 

[derpyderpins]

I guess between authoritarian and authoritative. Everyone who knows me agrees my mom was a "helicopter parent." I hesitate on responsiveness because while she was very responsive to some things, she never really picked up on issues I was having.

e* After reading EJ's more detailed descriptions definitely authoritarian.

 

[Marine]

The psychopathic highly abusive and neglectful type.

 

[Davey40210]

The psychopathic highly abusive and neglectful type.

LOL this sounds exactly like my parents.

Sprinkling in some loving behavior as well. One day I get beaten up and told I am worthless, the next day (or even later in the day) I am told I am such a good kid and get a hug. Then one of them tells me the other parent is crazy but then the next day they say I'm crazy and its my fault the other parent beat me up.

All the while leaving me and my siblings by ourselves most of the day and not interacting with us at all. And nobody coming over to the house ever cause everyone knows our parents are insane.

 

[Marine]

LOL this sounds exactly like my parents.

Sprinkling in some loving behavior as well. One day I get beaten up and told I am worthless, the next day (or even later in the day) I am told I am such a good kid and get a hug. Then one of them tells me the other parent is crazy but then the next day they say I'm crazy and its my fault the other parent beat me up.

All the while leaving me and my siblings by ourselves most of the day and not interacting with us at all. And nobody coming over to the house ever cause everyone knows our parents are insane.

I'm sorry you also got this. There was no fake loving behavior from mine and I was the only one treated this way, my sibling was spoiled instead and went down their path, but they were the typical social psychopaths so everyone outside of the family thought they were good parents and no one believed me when I called for help after one of them tried to kill me...

 

[Davey40210]

I'm sorry you also got this. There was no fake loving behavior from mine and I was the only one treated this way, my sibling was spoiled instead and went down their path, but they were the typical social psychopaths so everyone outside of the family thought they were good parents and no one believed me when I called for help after one of them tried to kill me...

Wow that's crazy.. you must have been so scared.

Also nobody knew the abuse we went through. I think its a typical thing in abusive families. I very much enjoy now telling everyone they know about what they did. Suggest you do the same before you CTB.

 

[Marine]

Wow that's crazy.. you must have been so scared.

Also nobody knew the abuse we went through. I think its a typical thing in abusive families. I very much enjoy now telling everyone they know about what they did. Suggest you do the same before you CTB.

Yes. I still am because I'm not completely rid of them though I went as far away as I could, and the relational curse I'm bound with obviously originates from their abuse... I've tried that and it still failed unfortunately. I have found some ways to make them pay though, so that's satisfying to some extent, though not nearly enough. But they'll get their karma. Now the only thing I'm concerned with is freeing myself from the curse that prevents me from creating real bonds at all...

 

[Lady Laudanum]

My mom was authoritarian and my dad was neglectful, on the most part.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Both of my parents are authoritarian. My mum wants me to do exactly what she says whenever she asks it. She'll get pissed at me if I don't do what she wants quick enough or good enough. I don't really have a say in anything. I don't have any autonomy as they spy on me and don't let me do anything alone (aside from chores... ugh). I hate asian parents and their standards so much. They're so cruel and follow an outdated culture. My parents believe that my life belongs to them only and that my life isn't mine (my mum even explicitly said that herself to me once). I hope that their shitty culture gets burned down to the ground as it's so pathetic that it exists in 2024

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My father was highly authoritarian but my mom was extremely permissive. Both were a little neglectful in their own ways but I was okay with it because it meant I could watch more tv.

Still, the way my father exercised his authority was pretty damaging to me but I've always thought that if I wasn't an over sensitive crybaby then it probably could have benefited me more and turned me into a regular person like it has for other Asians.

 

[Ironborn]

Authoritarian, they just wanted me to be quiet and stay out of the way, if I wasn't I was punished, they were extremely controlling.
It turned me into a habitual liar because if I did tell the truth I was either punished or accused of lying and punished anyway lol, so might as well lie through my teeth and try to get away with whatever minor thing had upset them.