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Thanatos123

Student
Feb 18, 2020
153
I'm planning to ctb using a generator to accumulate carbon monoxide(CO) in an enclosed space such as my car. My ctb date will be either by the end of this month or sometime in mid-March.

I have the following:
Generator(with no auto shut-off feature and no CARB compliant)
TPI-707 (CO meter)
Car
Ear plugs
Gas can(for the generator)
10w-30 Automotive oil(for the generator)
Goggles
Duct tape
Batteries(for the CO meter)
SIM injector tool for my phone
Old phone(with no service and to use it for offline GPS)

Other items:
Cremation(pre-planned)
Will(for wife and parents)
Suicide note
Scheduled email


Steps:

1) Prepare scheduled email to be sent out two days after I'm gone. The email will direct the recipient to open a hidden folder in my desktop/laptop. The hidden folder will contain my suicide note. In the email I will also list a place of a hidden physical folder containing my will and cremation information.

2) Leave the house early in the morning around the same time I leave for work. I work from home, but at times I have to show up at the office. My car will have all the necessary items listed above. I'll take out the SIM from my primary phone and use an old phone with no service to navigate me to the place I chose in the woods.

3) Go to a secluded place that is far away from the city.

4) Start preparing by filling the generator with oil and gas. Start taping the holes of my car including the doors and window gaps. Vents will be taped as well. After everything is taped, leave the front driver window a bit open.

5) Start the generator which is located at the trunk and tape the trunk from the outside. I'll put on my ear plugs to help with the loud noise.

6) Measure the CO levels every ten to fifteen minutes from the front window. I'll stay a couple of feet away from the car.

7) Once the CO levels reach about 10,000PPM, put on goggles and quickly step inside the car.

8) Close the front window completely and take a deep breath.

9) Goodbye!

What do you think about my plan?
Is there anything I should be aware to avoid?
Did I omit anything critical?
What potential flaws can you spot with this plan?
 
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awfullife

awfullife

Arcanist
Nov 16, 2019
435
Seems like a solid plan...you said you were losing your vision? I'm sorry to hear this but I wish you peace.
 
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T

Thanatos123

Student
Feb 18, 2020
153
Seems like a solid plan...you said you were losing your vision? I'm sorry to hear this but I wish you peace.
Wow...Thank you so much for remembering this!
I have no words to describe the love, gratitude and acceptance I experience with this community.

Yes, my vision is getting worse and I want to make sure to CTB before my driver's license is taken away from me.
I can still drive, but now I don't see well during the night.
My wife, siblings and closest friend are absolutely devastated seeing me going through this.
I don't want to go through this either and I think my life will be very painful and pointless at this point.

I've had an amazing life growing up, getting married, getting a good career and make enough money to live a comfortable yet modest life.
I've enjoyed my life to the fullest in my opinion and I was very satisfied with it.
When out of nowhere you're diagnosed with an eye disease that worsens over time and when you think that all of that you lived for will suddenly turn into darkness... it's something that I cannot accept. Especially when there's no cure for it.
I've been driving to secluded places and crying for hours for the anticipation of the pain that I will experience once I become fully blind. Yet I act normal to those who know and love me. Sometimes I act like there's nothing wrong with me.

I've reading about suicide and many "professionals" say that those who commit suicide are crazy.
I beg to differ!
I was physically and psychologically healthy until I was diagnosed with this...disability.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
 
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fred farkle

fred farkle

Specialist
Dec 17, 2020
346
all I can say is good luck,you planned well. im sorry you have this disease,to go blind is terrifying! people do live with it,but you have chosen not to. God bless you my friend.
 
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awfullife

awfullife

Arcanist
Nov 16, 2019
435
Wow...Thank you so much for remembering this!
I have no words to describe the love, gratitude and acceptance I experience with this community.

Yes, my vision is getting worse and I want to make sure to CTB before my driver's license is taken away from me.
I can still drive, but now I don't see well during the night.
My wife, siblings and closest friend are absolutely devastated seeing me going through this.
I don't want to go through this either and I think my life will be very painful and pointless at this point.

I've had an amazing life growing up, getting married, getting a good career and make enough money to live a comfortable yet modest life.
I've enjoyed my life to the fullest in my opinion and I was very satisfied with it.
When out of nowhere you're diagnosed with an eye disease that worsens over time and when you think that all of that you lived for will suddenly turn into darkness... it's something that I cannot accept. Especially when there's no cure for it.
I've been driving to secluded places and crying for hours for the anticipation of the pain that I will experience once I become fully blind. Yet I act normal to those who know and love me. Sometimes I act like there's nothing wrong with me.

I've reading about suicide and many "professionals" say that those who commit suicide are crazy.
I beg to differ!
I was physically and psychologically healthy until I was diagnosed with this...disability.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
This sounds like the walls are closing in on you. I wish this affliction could've happened to me instead as I fucked my life up on my own.

Do you think your family knows this is a possibility for you? I just sent a prayer up for you. Be well
 
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T

Thanatos123

Student
Feb 18, 2020
153
This sounds like the walls are closing in on you. I wish this affliction could've happened to me instead as I fucked my life up on my own.

Do you think your family knows this is a possibility for you? I just sent a prayer up for you. Be well

This health condition is the main reason for me to CTB.
I have no other reason and I'm very happy and satisfied with my life.

Becoming slowly blind is something that I would not even wish for my worst enemy.
I hope I'll find peace, but I'm really worried about my loved ones.

The only one who knows about me CTB, is my closest friend.
He's stressed and uneasy about this whole situation and that's understandable.
I see him very often and I told him my ctb plans are the result of irrational thoughts that I had when I heard about my prognosis.
In other words, I confirmed(lied to him) that I won't ctb.
I'm not sure if he believed me, I hope he did.

When I revealed my plans to him the first time, I warned him that our friendship would be over if he told anyone.
He's my closest friend and we know a lot of things about each other that even our wives don't know about us.
We grew up together and we've always been there for each other.
 
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