please stop

[zanahori]

I am still tormented by the things I saw and did. I can't think, my eyes burn and thoughts don't stop. I close my eyes and I still see those things, every minute, every day, daily. This has been my life for years and I just pretended, I hid it from everyone since I was 14 years old. Beating myself up, screaming in silence for my actions, it was a cycle of pleasure and pain that I couldn't stop. I just ignored it, ignored all my problems and went on with my life like it was nothing, hoping that someday it would stop or whatever.


What the fuck did I just write. My brain is so fried and broken from everything. Why did I have to be born this way? Why did I do this to myself?


I'm overwhelmed, I wish it was already Monday and I would kill myself but now I can only wait for the date to come and see what happens. I feel more prepared, determined, maybe I have accepted reality.

 

[bluebus]

I am really sorry for what you're going through. PTSD, haunting memories, flashbacks with unrelenting pain and guilt, whatever you want to call it, is extremely difficult to deal with. I can see you are suffering a great deal. I truly feel for you. Life isn't always fair and it isn't always fun. Much of the time, it is painful, cruel, and unjust. Please go easy on yourself (I know that is much easier said than done), but you don't deserve to suffer even more. If you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out. Wishing you all the best, bb

 

[OnlyOwl]

I am still tormented by the things I saw and did. I can't think, my eyes burn and thoughts don't stop. I close my eyes and I still see those things, every minute, every day, daily. This has been my life for years and I just pretended, I hid it from everyone since I was 14 years old. Beating myself up, screaming in silence for my actions, it was a cycle of pleasure and pain that I couldn't stop. I just ignored it, ignored all my problems and went on with my life like it was nothing, hoping that someday it would stop or whatever.


What the fuck did I just write. My brain is so fried and broken from everything. Why did I have to be born this way? Why did I do this to myself?


I'm overwhelmed, I wish it was already Monday and I would kill myself but now I can only wait for the date to come and see what happens. I feel more prepared, determined, maybe I have accepted reality.

Hey :)

You're not alone with these feelings and they will lessen in time.

Don't feel isolated / ashamed to talk about things, you'd be supprised how understanding people can be even with the "darker" sides of life.

Most people have skeletons in their closet; even if they won't admit it.

I feel you in the overwhelm. It's an overwhelming world at times, and personal feelings can amplify that feeling. PTSD, memories, hurt and guilt, it can all feel so permenent and amplified during a depressive episode. You're in a community of people get that feeling all too well.

We're here, use us, you're not dead, and there's no such thing as evil. I'm not sure what you might be feeling guilt about, but know there's a future still to look forward to despite what you might have seen or done.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so horrible what you have to endure, existing really can be so torturous. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish for your plans, be kinder to yourself.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Hey :)

You're not alone with these feelings and they will lessen in time.

Don't feel isolated / ashamed to talk about things, you'd be supprised how understanding people can be even with the "darker" sides of life.

Most people have skeletons in their closet; even if they won't admit it.

I feel you in the overwhelm. It's an overwhelming world at times, and personal feelings can amplify that feeling. PTSD, memories, hurt and guilt, it can all feel so permenent and amplified during a depressive episode. You're in a community of people get that feeling all too well.

We're here, use us, you're not dead, and there's no such thing as evil. I'm not sure what you might be feeling guilt about, but know there's a future still to look forward to despite what you might have seen or done.

If you really want to help, keep that in the recovery section please

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I am still tormented by the things I saw and did. I can't think, my eyes burn and thoughts don't stop. I close my eyes and I still see those things, every minute, every day, daily. This has been my life for years and I just pretended, I hid it from everyone since I was 14 years old. Beating myself up, screaming in silence for my actions, it was a cycle of pleasure and pain that I couldn't stop. I just ignored it, ignored all my problems and went on with my life like it was nothing, hoping that someday it would stop or whatever.


What the fuck did I just write. My brain is so fried and broken from everything. Why did I have to be born this way? Why did I do this to myself?


I'm overwhelmed, I wish it was already Monday and I would kill myself but now I can only wait for the date to come and see what happens. I feel more prepared, determined, maybe I have accepted reality.

you too huh

 

[OnlyOwl]

If you really want to help, keep that in the recovery section please

Apologies Myforevercharlie - still figuring out the forum, do understand will make sure to keep a better eye on where i'm posting