Please help, very ill and need help refining method

[hellofromme]

Hello,

My health has rapidly and irreversibly declined. I am sick and weak, I can't eat or sleep, doctors can't help me, every day is hard. Need to ctb out of mercy for myself, obviously thoughtfully but also relatively quickly. Can't drink or take benzos due to paradoxical reactions but really don't have the physical stamina for any suffering or pain.

I'm thinking CO. The mega thread is unwieldy and I'm really exhausted, can someone help me get the key points? I have a car and before I found this site I bought a 6lb bag of charcoal. Can I pour them into a grill, let them burn for an hour or so and bring them into the car with me when they're gray and not smoking? Then just sit there and chill until I pass out? The mega thread makes it sound so complicated. Please help a very sick person out.

 

[scary]

Hi, welcome to SaSu. I'm so sorry you're going through this. As long as the coals are still hot it should still produce CO. Putting them in a safe bin designed for hot coals should be fine as long as it doesn't knock over (obviously be careful cause fire+car is a huge no-no)

Key points for the car is making sure everything is fully sealed like windows for example and having a decent number of coals burning to produce a significant amount of CO to be lethal. Putting the A/C on so I've heard will negatively affect it, so if its unbearably hot in your car id recommend getting a small personal fan to clip on the dash.

Are you able to take melatonin? that might help put you out faster while the CO does its thing and also help prevent the headache you will get while it burns.

 

[hellofromme]

@scary

Thank you so much. Is it really that straightforward after that long mega thread? I'm also now considering partial hanging, it seems more peaceful than I originally thought. Is there somewhere I can find more straightforward guidance on rope placement and knots?

 

[fightclub17]

Hello,

My health has rapidly and irreversibly declined. I am sick and weak, I can't eat or sleep, doctors can't help me, every day is hard. Need to ctb out of mercy for myself, obviously thoughtfully but also relatively quickly. Can't drink or take benzos due to paradoxical reactions but really don't have the physical stamina for any suffering or pain.

I'm thinking CO. The mega thread is unwieldy and I'm really exhausted, can someone help me get the key points? I have a car and before I found this site I bought a 6lb bag of charcoal. Can I pour them into a grill, let them burn for an hour or so and bring them into the car with me when they're gray and not smoking? Then just sit there and chill until I pass out? The mega thread makes it sound so complicated. Please help a very sick person out.

You need to go to hospital. They can monitor you while adjusting your meds to ensure you sleep/eat.

 

[hellofromme]

You need to go to hospital. They can monitor you while adjusting your meds to ensure you sleep/eat.

I can't. It's a long story, my nervous system has been destroyed by multiple rapid tapers of psych meds. I have terrible reactions to all foods and medications, including elemental formulas, my stomach is a mess, my body is unfortunately broken.

 

[fightclub17]

I can't. It's a long story, my nervous system has been destroyed by multiple rapid tapers of psych meds. I have terrible reactions to all foods and medications, including elemental formulas, my stomach is a mess, my body is unfortunately broken.

Ohhh I'm so sorry to hear. My life has also been destroyed by psych meds so I can empathise. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[hellofromme]

Ohhh I'm so sorry to hear. My life has also been destroyed by psych meds so I can empathise. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Thank you. I'm like the opposite of many on here, I'd actually love to live but I can't with a completely broken body. Sorry you were also harmed by psych meds.

 

[fightclub17]

Thank you. I'm like the opposite of many on here, I'd actually love to live but I can't with a completely broken body. Sorry you were also harmed by psych meds.

Yeah I'm in the same boat. I had insomnIa, was put on a med that gave me akathisia. I cried out for help to doctors, no one could help me. I stepped off a balcony and fell 8 stories. The hospital fixed my insomnia/akathisia. But I have a broken body and can't do this anymore.

 

[MatiSendiri]

Hi, welcome to SaSu. I'm so sorry you're going through this. As long as the coals are still hot it should still produce CO. Putting them in a safe bin designed for hot coals should be fine as long as it doesn't knock over (obviously be careful cause fire+car is a huge no-no)

Key points for the car is making sure everything is fully sealed like windows for example and having a decent number of coals burning to produce a significant amount of CO to be lethal. Putting the A/C on so I've heard will negatively affect it, so if its unbearably hot in your car id recommend getting a small personal fan to clip on the dash.

Are you able to take melatonin? that might help put you out faster while the CO does its thing and also help prevent the headache you will get while it burns.

Just to add to this, getting knocked out before CO affect you is important since you can be tottaly confused by it and your survival instinct kicks in and forces you to cancel your ctb attempt (especially you know that you want to still alive).

I'm really sorry for what you experienced @hellofromme, but I just want to ask, did you try any benzodiazepines when you're on psych meds? I think melatonin would be very weak if you've been on benzos for years.

 

[hellofromme]

Just to add to this, getting knocked out before CO affect you is important since you can be tottaly confused by it and your survival instinct kicks in and forces you to cancel your ctb attempt (especially you know that you want to still alive).

I'm really sorry for what you experienced @hellofromme, but I just want to ask, did you try any benzodiazepines when you're on psych meds? I think melatonin would be very weak if you've been on benzos for years.

Thank you so much. I've been thinking CO but am now switching to partial hanging due to logistical complications. And yes, benzos are part of what destroyed my body, they're powerful drugs. Unfortunately I'm paradoxical to melatonin, though it did still use to make my sleepy before that happened. gonna have to raw dog this unfortunately. Seems like partial hanging isn't a terrible one to raw dog if you can find the right spot though

Yeah I'm in the same boat. I had insomnIa, was put on a med that gave me akathisia. I cried out for help to doctors, no one could help me. I stepped off a balcony and fell 8 stories. The hospital fixed my insomnia/akathisia. But I have a broken body and can't do this anymore.

I'm so sorry this happened to both of us. I have had Akathisia too it's awful.

 

[MatiSendiri]

Thank you so much. I've been thinking CO but am now switching to partial hanging due to logistical complications. And yes, benzos are part of what destroyed my body, they're powerful drugs. Unfortunately I'm paradoxical to melatonin, though it did still use to make my sleepy before that happened. gonna have to raw dog this unfortunately. Seems like partial hanging isn't a terrible one to raw dog if you can find the right spot though

I'm so sorry this happened to both of us. I have had Akathisia too it's awful.

I think this is a very dumb idea, but can't you use all of your meds as a last help to knock yourself before you ctb? I think a peaceful death by overdosing on benzos is far more better than to just raw dog it.

 

[Fadenself00]

Thank you. I'm like the opposite of many on here, I'd actually love to live but I can't with a completely broken body. Sorry you were also harmed by psych meds.

I feel exactly the same, and have had a very similar fate.. very sorry to hear :( <3

 

[hellofromme]

I think this is a very dumb idea, but can't you use all of your meds as a last help to knock yourself before you ctb? I think a peaceful death by overdosing on benzos is far more better than to just raw dog it.

Wait, which part is a dumb idea? Also don't have any meds anymore after I rapid tapered off of them, and I have awful paradoxical responses anyway. But I literally don't have any in my possession anymore. Isn't hitting the carotids correctly supposed to let you peacefully pass out before you go?

 

[Fadenself00]

I think this is a very dumb idea, but can't you use all of your meds as a last help to knock yourself before you ctb? I think a peaceful death by overdosing on benzos is far more better than to just raw dog it.

Most OD's are considered a non-method by many afaik, because of unreliability

 

[hellofromme]

I feel exactly the same, and have had a very similar fate.. very sorry to hear :( <3

I'm so sorry, what happened to you?

 

[MatiSendiri]

Most OD's are considered a non-method by many afaik, because of unreliability

I mean it's not to die using OD, but OD to knock yourself out before hanging ctb you

 

[Fadenself00]

I can't. It's a long story, my nervous system has been destroyed by multiple rapid tapers of psych meds. I have terrible reactions to all foods and medications, including elemental formulas, my stomach is a mess, my body is unfortunately broken.

How long has it been since you stopped the meds? Withdrawl symptoms can take months before it gets better

 

[MatiSendiri]

Wait, which part is a dumb idea? Also don't have any meds anymore after I rapid tapered off of them, and I have awful paradoxical responses anyway. But I literally don't have any in my possession anymore. Isn't hitting the carotids correctly supposed to let you peacefully pass out before you go?

It's primarily to just turn off your survival instinct. Again, you know that you want to live, and sadly your primal brain knows that. Getting yourself unconscious is better to make sure you didn't get scared and just mess your ctb attempt. But yeah you can do partial hanging without meds and still ctb nonetheless.

 

[hellofromme]

How long has it been since you stopped the meds? Withdrawl symptoms can take months before it gets better

I know. It's been about 8 months. My mood and sleep have actually been decent until very lately, my nervous system is just fragile and I became reactive to almost every food and the lack of adequate food has made everything more reactive and my sleep recently went off the rails. My stomach feels swollen shut. It's a loop I can't get out of. I feel very unlucky.

It's primarily to just turn off your survival instinct. Again, you know that you want to live, and sadly your primal brain knows that. Getting yourself unconscious is better to make sure you didn't get scared and just mess your ctb attempt. But yeah you can do partial hanging without meds and still ctb nonetheless.

Thank you, I appreciate it. I'll figure it out. Which part did you think was dumb though?

 

[MatiSendiri]

I know. It's been about 8 months. My mood and sleep have actually been decent until very lately, my nervous system is just fragile and I became reactive to almost every food and the lack of adequate food has made everything more reactive and my sleep recently went off the rails. My stomach feels swollen shut. It's a loop I can't get out of. I feel very unlucky.

How about you go to a psychiatrist and get a prescription for a new meds? I know it's 8 months without meds, but you can honestly just describe whatever you're experiencing rn and try to garner some sympathy from your psychiatrist (preferably your old psychiatrist since they know your struggles)

Again, this is very dumb and even psychopathic idea, but you can use that meds to aid your ctb attempt later on, especially if they gave you a whole month of meds (easier if you do this to your old psychiatrist).

I know. It's been about 8 months. My mood and sleep have actually been decent until very lately, my nervous system is just fragile and I became reactive to almost every food and the lack of adequate food has made everything more reactive and my sleep recently went off the rails. My stomach feels swollen shut. It's a loop I can't get out of. I feel very unlucky.

Thank you, I appreciate it. I'll figure it out. Which part did you think was dumb though?

Tbh I don't really know which part is dumb. Maybe my brain on meds really mess this up to share my ideas on this site...

I'm so sorry about this.

 

[hellofromme]

How about you go to a psychiatrist and get a prescription for a new meds? I know it's 8 months without meds, but you can honestly just describe whatever you're experiencing rn and try to garner some sympathy from your psychiatrist (preferably your old psychiatrist since they know your struggles)

Again, this is very dumb and even psychopathic idea, but you can use that meds to aid your ctb attempt later on, especially if they gave you a whole month of meds (easier if you do this to your old psychiatrist).

Tbh I don't really know which part is dumb. Maybe my brain on meds really mess this up to share my ideas on this site...

I'm so sorry about this.

I wish. If you're not familiar I would visit something like survivingantidepressants.com or benzo buddies. Some peoples bodies just get permanently fucked by this process. It's bad medical care and it's luck of the draw. My mood is fine, my physical self is destroyed. I can't eat. Thank you though. I really wish I could live. This is a disappointing end for me for sure.

 

[MatiSendiri]

I wish. If you're not familiar I would visit something like survivingantidepressants.com or benzo buddies. Some peoples bodies just get permanently fucked by this process. It's bad medical care and it's luck of the draw. My mood is fine, my physical self is destroyed. I can't eat. Thank you though. I really wish I could live. This is a disappointing end for me for sure.

Really sad news to you, but tbh you don't really need to eat all of those meds. Just get the prescription, don't eat those meds you don't want (especially antidepressants) and use benzos to aid your ctb.

But then again, I'm so sorry if you can't use any of those options. I hope you can get better soon .

 

[hellofromme]

I did a test run of partial hanging and got really lightheaded. Does that mean I found the sweet spot? Would love to ctb today while my partner is out.