In my head I know you're both right. It isn't worth it to have a failed attempt. But my heart hurts so much. My soul hurts. I feel like I'm a piece of shit so maybe I deserve to suffer even in death.
Is there anything that can be done to calm you down? Please at least find a good method. No matter how much of a POS you feel you are you do not deserve a painful death. A ticket to peace should not cost such
I'm sorry you're in this situation. You don't owe them anything. It was their responsibility to take care of you, and by the sounds of it, they've done a pretty terrible job of it given that you're feeling this way.
I'm really not that young. I've been out of school for a while now. I never went to college. For the most part mental illness and trauma have kept me from living life. I can't take care of myself. My family didn't start taking advantage of this until recently because they know that I have limited resources and I'm stuck.
I don't know anymore. I'm starting to think I don't deserve a peaceful death at all. Honestly I'm a terrible person.
I don't owe them anything but at the same time I'm made to feel like I do. I think they take care of me now as a form of power and control. It didn't start off that way.
It's always a hopeless battle. Fight, numb, cry, plead, die. I'm sorry, truly.
Hey. This is me being stubborn, and I'm definitely overstepping my boundaries but you are not a terrible fucking person. Whatever resolve has gotten you this far is fucking absurd, regardless of what you had to do and what sacrifices you had to make to get there. You deserve a painless trip to peace, nothing more, nothing less.
It's all very hopeless. I've tried to get help countless times. I really tried. I'm too tired to keep trying now.
Ctb is something that I've been wanting to do for a very long time. Many years. I think it's how my life was always meant to end.
You are talking or have already talked yourself into action. I cannot prevent you but again please please don't do this painfully. Nobody deserves a painful end. I doubt you want help in your current mindset but again I'm here if you need to vent. Regardless please, just make it long enough to go painlessly. If an end is what you are nearing then you deserve an easy end.
I'm a massive burden to everyone and I'm selfish. Or maybe that's what I've been lead to believe. I don't know. Either way I'm a useless person. I don't serve a purpose at all. I'm a failed outcast of society because I don't contribute in some way.
I do want to die but I need to be here for my cat. If it weren't for him I would've ctb months ago. He's sick and doesn't have much time left so when he goes so will I.
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Please relax, take deep breaths, and enjoy what rest you can get. No amount of sympathy or empathy will ever allow me to understand what your going through so it pains me to make suggestions but I really don't want to see you hurt. I'm here, everyone is here, we are all here. World might have forsaken you but the wicked stay together. Sleep well soldier
its okay to be selfish. you never asked to be here, to be the burden you see yourself as. Life is rocky, unforgiving, and unpredictable. But I have found solace in the chaos and hope you can do the same. I only have the option of writing you on this message board. But know that a stranger, as far apart as our lives may be, has experienced just some of the emotions you are feeling. Over a year ago, I shot myself. Not in the head, because I believed I deserved a painful death, as you believe now. I was placed into recovery against my will and thought my life was over. but I was able to walk away. It was easier than I thought, leaving behind family to live disconnected from the life I used to know. It's refreshing, and there's more out there for you too. We will die one day anyways, so if you really feel trapped, throwing your life to the wind might be better than attempting suicide. just another thought
Indeed. At that point you will be even more stuvked with your family because likely you will depend on them.
There is a name for this : it is called "performance society". In the social model we all live in, our value is linked to our performances, in every field. We value if we are good students, if we are good workers, we we have good mental health, if we succeed, if we correcly carry our own lives, if we meditate well if we behave well, if we are good at something, and so on. In every way, in every moment, we have to perform - well. So the revers : if ww do not perform, we do not have any value. If something slips out of our control than it must be put in place, in order for us to keep on performing. Toxic positivity is a part of that : there is no space to feel bad, you always have to be positive (performing, again).
