Please help me to wait for my SN and not go under a train RN

[isam]

Hey..

I feel very very bad RN.

I'm gonna take SN as soon as I receive it, but still nothing yet. It starts to be harder and harder to wait.

But well I try to keep up..
I wanted to get laid one last time before passing out.
So I had a tinder date this night. But I didn't get what I "needed". I mean, not enough. And he's still sleeping next to me in my bed rn.

The guy I love is in my head. I had no relationship with him, but we had things anyway. I ended it tuesday because he told me his feelings were more or less gone, and I know that continue to talk to him would just keep mines up And still hoping. And I just can't get through it. I miss him af.

A attempt has been failed this night on this forum, I was so happy for this person to finally reach peace, and I'm pissed off to see how life's a fckn bitch.

Idk what to do. I just want that SN.

I want to fckn die.

I want to take a full box of xanax and sleep 'till my SN arrive.

Or I'm just gonna just under a train today.

 

[Azzy69]

I know it's rough when all of your emotions hit you at once, along with shit thoughts you don't want to remember. Hang in there bud - your SN will be here soon and you will be free !!

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Don't go under the train, it not worth it.
I can see you are in immense pain, so do I.
Take some Xanax, get some sleep, death can wait.
If your ex the only reason you don't want to live, think about it...
Time can cure such wounds.
Please don't rush.
Hugging you, dear...

 

[isam]

I can't wait

I just can't wait anymore

Don't go under the train, it not worth it.
I can see you are in immense pain, so do I.
Take some Xanax, get some sleep, death can wait.
If your ex the only reason you don't want to live, think about it...
Time can cure such wounds.
Please don't rush.
Hugging you, dear...

I took one 10mn ago.
He's not even my ex.. And he's just a new part of the reasons I want to end it all.
Everything I do is wasted. I'm my own problem. I'm a bug. I have to delete myself.

 

[Emily123]

You don't need suicide because you love someone and he does not love you . You need to find somone else for yourself . Unsuccessful realtionship is not a valid reason for suicide . Be a little patient . Give yourself some time(Please don't use SN after you received it) . Time will solve many problems and you will find yourself in a relationship which you truely belong to it . You will be happy again .

 

[isam]

You don't need suicide because you love someone and he does not love you . You need to find somone else for yourself . Unsuccessful realtionship is not a valid reason for suicide . Be a little patient . Give yourself some time(Please don't use SN after you received it) . Time will solve many problems and you will find yourself in a relationship whic you truely belong to it .

As i said.. It's not just because of him. it's just a new thing on the mountain of reasons I already have. I did an attempt one year ago before knowing him so my reasons were quite strong already. Almost everything went more bad since then. And I'm exhausted.
I don't want to ctb because of him, or someone, or smth.
I want to ctb because of me.
I can't handle myself. Nobody can.
I'm not for this world.

 

[Soul]

@isam, I'm sorry you're suffering. If going out by train isn't your preferred way to die then please don't attempt it - there's a good chance you'll end up in a worse situation.

I want to wrap my coat around you and keep you safe and warm until your SN arrives. x

 

[isam]

@isam, I'm sorry you're suffering. If going out by train isn't your preferred way to die then please don't attempt it - there's a good chance you'll end up in a worse situation.

I want to wrap my coat around you and keep you safe and warm until your SN arrives. x

Thanks.. Actually the train was my first option for my 1st attempt, 'till i change my mind 2 days before to eat 80 pills. and obviously fail.
But i would also die peacefully in my bed, in hot, soft and nice blankets... And I don't want to make innocent people be traumatized all their life because of my shitty one.

I hoped my SN would have arrived for the end of the week, but nothing.. So now i have to go back to work monday and do like everything is fine. And go back every evening checking my mailbox to see it will probably be empty.

 

[Emily123]

As i said.. It's not just because of him. it's just a new thing on the mountain of reasons I already have. I did an attempt one year ago before knowing him so my reasons were quite strong already. Almost everything went more bad since then. And I'm exhausted.
I don't want to ctb because of him, or someone, or smth.
I want to ctb because of me.
I can't handle myself. Nobody can.
I'm not for this world.

I send you love . So be patient until your SN comes . Try to collect enough information until it arrives so you can have a succesful attempt . I am also in the ame stage in my life now

 

[isam]

I just feel like life is locking me with it. Playing with me. To make me suffer everyday a bit more. To feel pain 'till the end. making it longer.

I send you love . So be patient until your SN comes . Try to collect enough information until it arrives so you can have a succesful attempt . I am also in the ame stage in my life now

Yeah.. I already have all i need except SN, and antacid (but it will take me 5mn to get it). All the rest is planned.


I'll be glad if some of you want to talk by PM. I just don't want to be alone..

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I've waited close to two months for mine if that's what's at the postal right now. Only thing I ordered at all in the few months. It's been driving me nuts even though my date is in May, I can't help but think I'd rather it be home with me, kept away and safe so I at least know it's there. I have everything else I need.

I'd say start some shows to watch, doodle, write, possibly go for walks or whatever you're capable of doing to pass the time. Personally, I just moped and that won't do you any good if you want patience waiting on your SN.

 

[isam]

I've waited close to two months for mine if that's what's at the postal right now. Only thing I ordered at all in the few months. It's been driving me nuts even though my date is in May, I can't help but think I'd rather it be home with me, kept away and safe so I at least know it's there. I have everything else I need.

I'd say start some shows to watch, doodle, write, possibly go for walks or whatever you're capable of doing to pass the time. Personally, I just moped and that won't do you any good if you want patience waiting on your SN.

2 months? omg.. Just in case i ordered Tuesday from an other source in UK, idk if someone here can say if this is a good source. I'll just see wich one i receive first, and do the blood test.

Yeah.. I'm off work since Wednesday because I was sick, so i spend most of my time on the forum and watching some serie.
I can't go on FB anymore. I can't even listen any kind of music either.. I don't answer to some texts I receive. And noone to see without having to do like everything is fine. I'm so alone here..

I'm terrified that the stuff be here too late, and have to go through Christmas with my familly..

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

2 months? omg.. Just in case i ordered Tuesday from an other source in UK, idk if someone here can say if this is a good source. I'll just see wich one i receive first, and do the blood test.

Yeah.. I'm off work since Wednesday because I was sick, so i spend most of my time on the forum and watching some serie.
I can't go on FB anymore. I can't even listen any kind of music either.. I don't answer to some texts I receive. And noone to see without having to do like everything is fine. I'm so alone here..

I'm terrified that the stuff be here too late, and have to go through Christmas with my familly..

Breathe and try to be calm. I know it's really difficult. Mine was ordered from Poland and I live in Canada, plus the holidays make the mail so iffy anyway... Just keep doing what you're doing. You made the order, you just have to wait for it. I had to change my mindset from thinking about it constantly to finding other things to think about or do. It's waaaay easier said than done, but I have hope in you.

 

[isam]

Breathe and try to be calm. I know it's really difficult. Mine was ordered from Poland and I live in Canada, plus the holidays make the mail so iffy anyway... Just keep doing what you're doing. You made the order, you just have to wait for it. I had to change my mindset from thinking about it constantly to finding other things to think about or do. It's waaaay easier said than done, but I have hope in you.

I'll try. I'll probably sleep a bit this afternoon, as i slept like crap this night.
Mine is from Poland too, for France. ordered on nov 30th, and the other one from UK on dec 10th.
And this is extremely hard for me to not think about all those things, as I overthink as hell h24. That's one of the biggest reasons I want to go : stop my head and find rest.

 

[Emily123]

I just feel like life is locking me with it. Playing with me. To make me suffer everyday a bit more. To feel pain 'till the end. making it longer.

Yeah.. I already have all i need except SN, and antacid (but it will take me 5mn to get it). All the rest is planned.


I'll be glad if some of you want to talk by PM. I just don't want to be alone..

Life is difficult . It is not just for you . This world is not really getting better . however things can be different for you in future . if you have a serious phyiscal or mental problem it may not be fixable . I tried everything and it did not work . My surgery in October was my last chance to get back to the normal life and it failed . I really wanted if there was any chance to make my life better . Unfortunatly there was no opportunity for me

 

[isam]

Life is difficult . It is not just for you . This world is not really getting better . however things can be different for you in future . if you have a serious phyiscal or mental problem it may not be fixable . I tried everything and it did not work . My surgery in October was my last chance to get back to the normal life and it failed . I really wanted if there was any chance to make my life better . Unfortunatly there was no opportunity for me

I would give everything to switch your miss of luck with me.
It makes me feel increadibly bad to feel so down and want to end my life, because in theory i have nothing generally going wrong.. But no. My brain is fucked. I tried everything i could to fight against it, but there is nothing to do. I have a death shadow, and it will never leave me.

 

[Emily123]

I would give everything to switch your miss of luck with me.
It makes me feel increadibly bad to feel so down and want to end my life, because in theory i have nothing generally going wrong.. But no. My brain is fucked. I tried everything i could to fight against it, but there is nothing to do. I have a death shadow, and it will never leave me.

Kiss and love . It may be good to see a therapist for it . Sometimes they are wounds in our soul because of some damages in our childhood . For example I was raped when I was a teenager . I never cured from the damage of that incident but it is under my control now . Even if that death shadow exist . Lets dance with her

 

[isam]

Kiss and love . It may be good to see a therapist for it . Sometimes they are wounds in our soul because of some damages in our childhood . For example I was raped when I was a teenager . I never cured from the damage of that incident but it is under my control now . Even if that death shadow exist . Lets dance with her

I see one.
I saw 3 actually.
I also went in psy hosp twice.

Wow I'm so sad to hear that...

 

[Emily123]

I see one.
I saw 3 actually.
I also went in psy hosp twice.

Wow I'm so sad to hear that...

I see . it seems that they could not do anything that you feel better .

 

[isam]

No they can't. Or it takes way too much time.. It's too late now.

 

[Emily123]

No they can't. Or it takes way too much time.. It's too late now.

The best Therapits just help you to cure your self by understanding the hidden aspects of your personality . You can always think about yourself and try to understand who you really are .

 

[isam]

The best Therapits just help you to cure your self by understanding the hidden aspects of your personality . You can always think about yourself and try to understand who you really are .

Yeah i know that.. The one I currently see is the best i had. I see him since almost a year now. yeah he's scratching some dark places of my mind. But it's too long. And tbh.. i don't want to go there anymore. I was supposed to see him wednesday, but he had to cancel it. And I'm glad of it.

My mind is fully set on my incoming SN.

 

[Emily123]

Yeah i know that.. The one I currently see is the best i had. I see him since almost a year now. yeah he's scratching some dark places of my mind. But it's too long. And tbh.. i don't want to go there anymore. I was supposed to see him wednesday, but he had to cancel it. And I'm glad of it.

My mind is fully set on my incoming SN.

It seems , you are 100% sure that you want to use it . I wish you peace in any decison that you are going to make in your life . SN has a high chance of success and if you want to die , you will be death very soon . I will be here for you if you want to talk to someone

 

[isam]

It seems , you are 100% sure that you want to use it . I wish you peace in any decison that you are going to make in your life . SN has a high chance of success and if you want to die , you will be death very soon . I will be here for you if you want to talk to someone

Yeah. I never really accepted my first failed, so this time I swear I won't fail. And if I do, I swear again I go under a Train. And if even like this I survive.. Well maybe I'll consider myself as a chosen one or some bullshit like this.
But yeah being dead is my biggest dream. I just need to survive the few last days. It will be a pain in the ass, clearly.
Thanks a lot for your support.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Life is difficult . It is not just for you . This world is not really getting better . however things can be different for you in future . if you have a serious phyiscal or mental problem it may not be fixable . I tried everything and it did not work . My surgery in October was my last chance to get back to the normal life and it failed . I really wanted if there was any chance to make my life better . Unfortunatly there was no opportunity for me

Same. Had a surgery but didn't work. I thought that my life would improve but it's all the same...

 

[chris8000]

Hey..

I feel very very bad RN.

I'm gonna take SN as soon as I receive it, but still nothing yet. It starts to be harder and harder to wait.

But well I try to keep up..
I wanted to get laid one last time before passing out.
So I had a tinder date this night. But I didn't get what I "needed". I mean, not enough. And he's still sleeping next to me in my bed rn.

The guy I love is in my head. I had no relationship with him, but we had things anyway. I ended it tuesday because he told me his feelings were more or less gone, and I know that continue to talk to him would just keep mines up And still hoping. And I just can't get through it. I miss him af.

A attempt has been failed this night on this forum, I was so happy for this person to finally reach peace, and I'm pissed off to see how life's a fckn bitch.

Idk what to do. I just want that SN.

I want to fckn die.

I want to take a full box of xanax and sleep 'till my SN arrive.

Or I'm just gonna just under a train today.

Relationships can really screw with your head. Normally you feel like killing yourself for a while then eventually things get better if you hang in there. I think too many people either rush into suicide or don't try hard enough to avoid it. But I don't know you, maybe you've had major depression for five years.

I had a bad break up ten years ago or so, then ended up going to a Theravada monastery and learnt how to be less dependent on others and meditate. Now I've been stuck in serious pain for five years, but in between that was a good time you see.

 

[isam]

Relationships can really screw with your head. Normally you feel like killing yourself for a while then eventually things get better if you hang in there. I think too many people either rush into suicide or don't try hard enough to avoid it. But I don't know you, maybe you've had major depression for five years.

I had a bad break up ten years ago or so, then ended up going to a Theravada monastery and learnt how to be less dependent on others and meditate. Now I've been stuck in serious pain for five years, but in between that was a good time you see.

I'm depressed "for real" since like 9 years. Saw my first psy and had my first benzos soon 9 years ago. I was 18. But my wish to die is way older than that. I started to" draw" things on my arms when I was like 13/14. Hit wall around 16. So yeah, this is quite deep in me.

But thanks anyways for your advices.

It seems , you are 100% sure that you want to use it . I wish you peace in any decison that you are going to make in your life . SN has a high chance of success and if you want to die , you will be death very soon . I will be here for you if you want to talk to someone

Yeah I'm praying all I can that it will be there before the end of next week. Else it's too much to manage. It means i would have to "survive" the whole week at work. To see my mailbox empty every evening. To be alone in my place every evening. To go to my familly for Christmas and do like everything is perfectly fine. Then go to GER and spend maybe a week there, to see my bestfriend one last time. Well, that part could be the last nice thing. And then come back hoping the stuff is here..
I don't want all of this to happen
I want to be gone before the end of the week.

 

[chris8000]

I'm depressed "for real" since like 9 years. Saw my first psy and had my first benzos soon 9 years ago. I was 18. But my wish to die is way older than that. I started to" draw" things on my arms when I was like 13/14. Hit wall around 16. So yeah, this is quite deep in me.

But thanks anyways for your advices.

My sister was like you, she's fineish now. I'm not sure why, she just got older and it passed. Just because it's deep doesn't mean it can't change in a positive way.

 

[isam]

My sister was like you, she's fineish now. I'm not sure why, she just got older and it passed. Just because it's deep doesn't mean it can't change in a positive way.

Wow i'm so glad for her. I wish i could go better.. But I just go deeper. I thought everything were finally going better few months ago, but no. I just fell again. I'm deeper that i always have been.

I ate nothing since 3 days. Except Xanax.

I'm out tonight, and i don't know if i should take an other xanax or a small line of speed to be a bit better..

 

[Guizin239]

i wish i wasn't a virgin