Renv1o_
Student
- May 10, 2023
- 100
My "abuser" died- I'm both relieved and devastated, since he was supposed to be my dad. Everyone keeps insisting I forgive him, but it's so hard when the one I was supposed to trust spent my teen years groping me and locking me in my room- he hated me and made it known to everyone. Do I have the right to grieve someone that hated me? Do I even remember the incidents correctly at ALL? It's all so blurry- What if i made it up? No one even believed me, back then.
It's bad news after bad news, lately (sick pets, siblings doing heavy drugs despite trying for a baby, a sister with worsening epilepsy.)
I am the worst I've been in a while and feel like i'm drowning.
My partner is constantly struggling too- with mental health, self harm, wanting to die. I think my bad mood has triggered them, but I don't know what to do at all. How do i support someone when I'm falling apart right now? I can't come over every night like they want me to and I need space to get my fucking head together, but I'm so scared of losing them too.
Just once, I selfishly wanted to be supported when it felt like everything was falling apart, but I always just drag people down with me.
I relapsed heavily into self harm and had to get stitches. My partner has never had stitches before, but repeatedly told me that they felt their self harm wasn't "bad enough," right after seeing me in that state. I didn't want them to see me like that AT ALL!!! I knew it could be triggering, and they still insisted on helping. I told them that it's all stupid, all self harm deserves help. I did my best to prevent things-
But just tonight, they've cut themselves badly and had to go to a&e. It's my fault- They'll deny it has anything to do with me, but it's very obvious I'm the root cause.
Any other time, maybe i'd handle this better, but i feel like i'm losing everyone. all i do is weigh everyone down
It's bad news after bad news, lately (sick pets, siblings doing heavy drugs despite trying for a baby, a sister with worsening epilepsy.)
I am the worst I've been in a while and feel like i'm drowning.
My partner is constantly struggling too- with mental health, self harm, wanting to die. I think my bad mood has triggered them, but I don't know what to do at all. How do i support someone when I'm falling apart right now? I can't come over every night like they want me to and I need space to get my fucking head together, but I'm so scared of losing them too.
Just once, I selfishly wanted to be supported when it felt like everything was falling apart, but I always just drag people down with me.
I relapsed heavily into self harm and had to get stitches. My partner has never had stitches before, but repeatedly told me that they felt their self harm wasn't "bad enough," right after seeing me in that state. I didn't want them to see me like that AT ALL!!! I knew it could be triggering, and they still insisted on helping. I told them that it's all stupid, all self harm deserves help. I did my best to prevent things-
But just tonight, they've cut themselves badly and had to go to a&e. It's my fault- They'll deny it has anything to do with me, but it's very obvious I'm the root cause.
Any other time, maybe i'd handle this better, but i feel like i'm losing everyone. all i do is weigh everyone down
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