Please help. I want to ctb but I am worried about my parents reaction

[Emilia1012]

I suffer so much everyday, I am thinking of ctb soon (like tomorrow even) but thinking about my parents makes me so sad. I know how devastated they will be and it just breaks my heart, I cry everyday thinking about it. If I didn't suffer so much, I would surely continue living for them. Please advise

 

[Fehler]

It is hard, very hard, but it is something you have to accept, even if it is selfish. My mother is the only reason why I continue and even so I could not do it the last 2 times, and not for her because I already accepted that I was not going to continue here.

 

[RedHarlequin]

There is unfortunately not much I can say to console you, the life's of parents are never the same after suicide of a child.
what can help a bit is writing a suicide note explaining your suffering and that there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. Or even trying to talk about it to them while you are alive.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It is hard, very hard, but it is something you have to accept, even if it is selfish. My mother is the only reason why I continue and even so I could not do it the last 2 times, and not for her because I already accepted that I was not going to continue here.

There is nothing selfish about freeing yourself of misery and suffering. It is your life to do as you wish.

If they don't understand this then they never had your best interests in mind.

 

[Fehler]

There is nothing selfish about freeing yourself of misery and suffering. It is your life to do as you wish.

If they don't understand this then they never had your best interests in mind.

I agree, life belongs to each one and no one should decide what to do with it, but that does not mean that the act will harm your loved ones (those who have...).

 

[Emilia1012]

There is unfortunately not much I can say to console you, the life's of parents are never the same after suicide of a child.
what can help a bit is writing a suicide note explaining your suffering and that there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. Or even trying to talk about it to them while you are alive.

Thank you so much for advice, i would leave a note for sure. The problem is i am physically ill and even my doctor told me everything might be ok , I am scared my health will get bad and I will suffer a lot. My parents don't realise how bad my ilness actually is ,I don't want to talk to them about it much and worry them

 

[WornOutLife]

Same here.
Once my dad knows I've ctb, he might have a heart-attack or stroke. He's one of the main reasons why I'm still in this world.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I would personally write a detailed note explaining to them that you are no longer suffering. Maybe it would give them some closure. Many people grieve more after a suicide as they ask themselves why did they do this. At least if they are reassured by note form it might help.
Nobody asked to exist in the first place so it isn't like we have an obligation to stay alive. People shouldn't have to suffer for the sake of others. I wish society had more acceptance of suicide as an rational option.
I guess it cant be helped though, suicide is a pain cycle, to end your own pain, it passes it on to someone else. I wish you the best.

 

[Emilia1012]

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I would personally write a detailed note explaining to them that you are no longer suffering. Maybe it would give them some closure. Many people grieve more after a suicide as they ask themselves why did they do this. At least if they are reassured by note form it might help.
Nobody asked to exist in the first place so it isn't like we have an obligation to stay alive. People shouldn't have to suffer for the sake of others. I wish society had more acceptance of suicide as an rational option.
I guess it cant be helped though, suicide is a pain cycle, to end your own pain, it passes it on to someone else. I wish you the best.

Thank you so much, i like a lot the words "i am no longer suffering"

Same here.
Once my dad knows I've ctb, he might have a heart-attack or stroke. He's one of the main reasons why I'm still in this world.

I understand completely.. actually a week ago I started crying and told my dad "I was thinking of killing myself" , we were in a car. My dad just said "ehh" and ignored it actually. But I know he just feels bad that he can't help me

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I understand how difficult this is. I've stayed alive for the past 22 months for my husband and mother. I keep a voicemail of my husband that he left for me on the day I first tried to kill myself almost a year ago. (I didn't discover it until about two months ago.) There was a desperation and pain in his voice. I could feel his hurt. I'm in so much pain myself, but I don't want to cause him any pain.

Still, I know that, at some point, my pain is going to become too unbearable, and I'm going to have to end things. We can only put up with so much. Just as our body physically gives out after some time, our brain will have to give out too after it takes too much of a beating.

 

[BlankUser]

I would leave the note explaining my suffering. I would tell that my suicide is the best decision for me , that I will be free of this pain. That they shouldn't feel sorry for me, they shouldn't grieve... I would explain why my life was a torture and why I couldn't go on, and why I am happy with my decision to ctb. I don't know if they'll understand it, it's up to them...

 

[Emilia1012]

I would leave the note explaining my suffering. I would tell that my suicide is the best decision for me , that I will be free of this pain. That they shouldn't feel sorry for me, they shouldn't grieve... I would explain why my life was a torture and why I couldn't go on, and why I am happy with my decision to ctb. I don't know if they'll understand it, it's up to them...

Thank you. It is a very good advice. They will suffer a lot still but If I leave a note explaining how much I was suffering maybe it will be a bit easier for them

I understand how difficult this is. I've stayed alive for the past 22 months for my husband and mother. I keep a voicemail of my husband that he left for me on the day I first tried to kill myself almost a year ago. (I didn't discover it until about two months ago.) There was a desperation and pain in his voice. I could feel his hurt. I'm in so much pain myself, but I don't want to cause him any pain.

Still, I know that, at some point, my pain is going to become too unbearable, and I'm going to have to end things. We can only put up with so much. Just as our body physically gives out after some time, our brain will have to give out too after it takes too much of a beating.

Exactly. I am staying alive just for other people but life is very hard. I am so depressed I cry a lot and can't do almost anything. I think brain has a limit to mental suffering too

 

[death137]

I know its hard but you have to be ruthless.

 

[Emilia1012]

I would leave the note explaining my suffering. I would tell that my suicide is the best decision for me , that I will be free of this pain. That they shouldn't feel sorry for me, they shouldn't grieve... I would explain why my life was a torture and why I couldn't go on, and why I am happy with my decision to ctb. I don't know if they'll understand it, it's up to them...

Also my parents can see that I suffer and it makes them suffer too for sure . Today my mom told me :"you just do nothing and cry all days, you should wear nice clothes, read a newspaper, go somewhere, you can't just lie and cry all days"- I know she doesn't want to see me suffer.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Also my parents can see that I suffer and it makes them suffer too for sure . Today my mom told me :"you just do nothing and cry all days, you should wear nice clothes, read a newspaper, go somewhere, you can't just lie and cry all days"- I know she doesn't want to see me suffer.

Wow, that is an awful advice, I'm sorry you have to hear this from your loved ones.

 

[BlankUser]

Also my parents can see that I suffer and it makes them suffer too for sure . Today my mom told me :"you just do nothing and cry all days, you should wear nice clothes, read a newspaper, go somewhere, you can't just lie and cry all days"- I know she doesn't want to see me suffer.

It's a very difficult situation and decision no doubt. I don't know about your relationship with your parents but maybe you could educate them about what it's like to live with suicidal thoughts? Maybe you should show them articles written by professional psychiatrists and scientists so they get a better idea? I think that we should put our needs first. But it's difficult because we're attached to some people. I am struggling with this too. But if I ctb, I would definitely explain why my decision was best for me.

 

[Emilia1012]

Wow, that is an awful advice, I'm sorry you have to hear this from your loved ones.

You think it is? My mom intended well.. since I am like that since months and I think she is tired of seeing me suffering.

You think it is? My mom intended well.. since I am like that since months and I think she is tired of seeing me suffering.

I told my dad I was suicidial 2 times, he told me "it is your life your decisions"- so I guess he will understand ? I am sure he will still suffer a lot, he loves me so much

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

It hurts when I know my family will suffer after I ctb. But what hurts even more is MY suffering in this world. I will try to explain them how much I hate this life and how pointless this existence is. But I know they won't understand.

I know it seems kinda selfish, but it isn't. No one of us is selfish. Selfish is a person who forces others to living against their will. We didn't have a choice to be born or not, but now we have a choice to die.

 

[Emilia1012]

It hurts when I know my family will suffer after I ctb. But what hurts even more is MY suffering in this world. I will try to explain them how much I hate this life and how pointless this existence is. But I know they won't understand.

I know it seems kinda selfish, but it isn't. No one of us is selfish. Selfish is a person who forces others to living against their will. We didn't have a choice to be born or not, but now we have a choice to die.

I agree with you, we have to put ourselves first. Still I love my parents a lot and It feels so bad to make them suffer. If not them, I would be 100% sure about ctb feeling calm

 

[littlemushroom]

Thank you for creating this thread. This is something that has been very much troubling me too.

 

[Emilia1012]

Thank you all for advices. Actually I started feeling less selfish and guilty recently, I was talking to my parents and they told me that basically even if I was paralyzed or living vegetable, they wouldn't let me die. I think they don't understand my suffering and I have to start thinking about myself

 

[NothingElseMatters]

you have the same name as the love of my life

 

[greyhound]

What is your illness if you don't mind my asking?