Please don't be offended, but...

[NeverGoodEnuff]

So last week, I stumbled onto one of those end of the world forums and thought, wth, might as well and started reading. Thank you to the end of the worlders!

"Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend thirty seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out."

And "Sometimes, someone comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call those people cops."
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days but whatever.
Hmmm...well I thought it was funny. Maybe you had to have been there?? Does this mean I should refrain from posting the rest?

 

[LittleJem]

I love the cops joke

 

[Deleted member 1465]

"Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend thirty seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out."

Hahahaha. I want to steal that and use it in the future.

 

[Sweetfa]

I find them funny, post more!

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

"I just did a week's worth of cardio after running into a spider web."

"A thief broke into my house last night...He started searching for money...so I woke up and started searching with him."

"I think I'll just put an Out Of Order sticker on my forehead and call it a day,"

Wishing you all a smile today.

Please jump in if you have any to add.
@ Underscore

Feel free. It's all stolen goods from another forum, lol.

 

[Sherri]

That's so funny. You made me laugh, haven't laughed in a while lol

 

[Sensei]

Please jump in if you have any to add.

Okay, here goes nothing...

I sleep like a baby. Every morning I wake up screaming around 2 o'clock.

 

[Life_and_Death]

lol i love that. reminds me of that song.

"A thief broke into my house last night...He started searching for money...so I woke up and started searching with him."

i started loling and my husband was like "what?" lol

 

[pickajack]

Haha. Thanks guys, needed a laugh.
Here's one from me:

I love when people use the term "suicidal ambition".
Makes me feel like I have goals.

 

[Georgii]

"Someone told me I lost my mind.
Well maybe I would've found it if they didn't pulled me away from the trashcan."

 

[Sherri]

"Someone told me I lost my mind.
Well maybe I would've found it if they didn't pulled me away from the trashcan."

Loves it.

 

[XYZ]

"A thief broke into my house last night...He started searching for money...so I woke up and started searching with him."

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

ROFL!!

 

[BPD Barbie]

"A thief broke into my house last night...He started searching for money...so I woke up and started searching with him."

I genuinely laughed hard at this one lmao. Gold.

 

[sufferingalways]

"I just did a week's worth of cardio after running into a spider web."

"A thief broke into my house last night...He started searching for money...so I woke up and started searching with him."

"I think I'll just put an Out Of Order sticker on my forehead and call it a day,"

Wishing you all a smile today.

Please jump in if you have any to add.
@ Underscore

Feel free. It's all stolen goods from another forum, lol.

The out of order sticker .. that's me right there.
Love these
What forum was it? I could use more laughs, as my life feels like it's in the toilet.

I genuinely laughed hard at this one lmao. Gold.

Ditto.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

thefirearmsforum.com

Be aware this seems to be mostly a conservative group. I do like the humor and gun info.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Deleted.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Deleted.

Aw, I do value your thoughts. Did not see what you deleted but I hope I didn't say something to upset you? If so, I sincerely apologize!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Aw, I do value your thoughts. Did not see what you deleted but I hope I didn't say something to upset you? If so, I sincerely apologize!

Not at all! I just changed my mind and didn't want anyone to think my comment was deleted by a mod.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Oh, yay! Sometimes my mouth gets me in trouble, especially on those really good days. Today is not so great but there is always tomorrow.

Unless the Zombies go into attack mode.
Meanwhile...

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself.
Me: I'd rather not. I kinda want this job.

I don't mean to brag...but...I finished my 14 day diet food in 3 hours 20 minutes.

Hope your day was at least okay.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I rarely get out of my pram temper wise, but if I do, if things are serious enough to get me to act in such a disrespectful manner, then I tend to do it quite comprehensively.

So when someone says "I've never been so insulted in my life!" I'll invariably respond with the Old Standby "Well, you should get out more!"

 

[Sensei]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

So funny! Thank you all!!

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

"As a band of squirrels had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They caught the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since."

 

[Deleted member 1465]

"As a band of squirrels had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They caught the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since."

Hahahahaah brilliant.
Drunk squirrels!
I had a squirrel chew through my telephone line once a year. I'd call BT and they'd say "Oh, it's you, squirrel bloke, we'll send someone round. Again."
My mum loved the critters. I'd put nuts on the bird table outback of her care home so she could watch them out of the window. He'd come up and try and drag the whole bag away. he'd get so angry that I'd attached it so well, he'd fall of the table, then climb it again and basically twat it one in fury.

 

[Life_and_Death]

"As a band of squirrels had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They caught the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since."

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Hahahahaah brilliant.
Drunk squirrels!
I had a squirrel chew through my telephone line once a year. I'd call BT and they'd say "Oh, it's you, squirrel bloke, we'll send someone round. Again."
My mum loved the critters. I'd put nuts on the bird table outback of her care home so she could watch them out of the window. He'd come up and try and drag the whole bag away. he'd get so angry that I'd attached it so well, he'd fall of the table, then climb it again and basically twat it one in fury.

They are interesting animals, gotta love them. Last summer, at my brother's place which is rural, one squirrel gathered thousands of pine cones from one particularly large fir tree. He had one stockpile very neatly placed in the bed of a little streamlet which worked as a dam. Bro shoveled them into a five gallon bucket and left it there by the streamlet. Next day, half were back in the streamlet, gone from the bucket. It became a game between them, moving the cones into the bucket, then back into the little stream. Eventually, the squirrel moved them all to another location which we were unable to find. Lol!


@LnD,

Omg! That is fantastic, I love it. Thanks!

 

[Brackenshire]

You guys are killing me