Story Planning for death (kind of)

[Volomori83]

Having resigned and determined myself to committing suicide, obviously my thoughts have been turning to the time and circumstance of that final act. I haven't set a date, nor will I. I've always lived my life impulsively and I see no reason why carrying out my suicide should be any different. This poses the problem of how one actually plans for death if I don't know when that is actually going to happen (such as normal life, I suppose).

With that in mind, I've instead turned my attention to an intended plan of action on the day I wake and decide that it is time. Planning my own death has been a completely sobering experience, but also somewhat liberating. Knowing my life is being counted in days and weeks as opposed to months in years has really allowed me peacefully and logically form an itinerary of sorts, for the day I die.

It's still very much a work-in-progress but this is how it looks for now:

• Write my suicide notes, put them in envelopes and post them. One of these notes I intend to mail to the police, informing them of what I've done and where I am to be found. This way they will arrive the next day, long past the time I could be revived.
• Drive to the location I am to die. With me I'm going to take the equipment needed (as I do every time I go to the location), along with some cigarettes (what harm could they do me) and a small amount of alcohol intended to help reduce any nerves and anxiety. I had considered cannibis but I'd worry that I'd mellow too much and not go through with it, or be too stoned to carry out the act successfully. I'd rather die with as sharp a mind as possible.
• Set up the noose. I'll cut a new length of rope to negate chance of the rope having degraded through previous use. I'll use carbeaners instead of slipknots for the noose and the end looped to the tree, because it makes for a more effective tightening mechanism. I'll lubricate the rope slightly just to ensure as smooth and quick a tightening as possible. I'll run a couple of tests on the rope and branch to make sure that they will definitely hold for the required duration.
• Chill. It'll be important to focus on the task at hand but in order to reduce any stress, I'm going to take some time to chill a bit, smoke and drink (only a small amount) and run the hanging through in my head, psyching myself up to killing myself. I expect as well that I'll spend a bit of time reflecting on my life and what has led me to this point. I definitely think there will be a few tears at this point. I might seem a bit detached on here, but I am really quite an emotionally driven person.
  
• Prepare myself. This is going to sound silly as it serves no real purpose with the suicide itself, but I intend to completely shave off my hair and eyebrows, for no other reason than I've never done it before and I'm very curious about how I'll look completely bald. I guess also there is the notion that I came in to the world bald, so perhaps it completes a circle, of sorts, from birth to death. No hair will also prevent any discomfort of the rope or carbeaner pulling at my hair at the back. I'll do it at the location as a sort of "preparing the body" style ritual. A little theatricality never hurt anyone :)
  
• Hang. Once I'm ready, I'll get myself into position. Carefully placing the noose around my neck, securing the padding around my neck, above my adam's apple, directly below the chin. I'll then crouch slightly to taughten the rope and make sure the noose won't slip down when I let go. At this point I expect my heartbeat will be beating extremely fast so I'll take a couple of deep breaths.
  
• Die. On the last breath, I'll drop down as though falling backwards on to a couch. At this point it will be crucial for me to relax my arms and legs and allow gravity and biology to take over. All going well, this will be it for me; I'll be unconcious within 15 seconds (I'll have to bite down a little discomfort for those seconds, I've accepted that), I'll be dead within 20 minutes or so.

(Ironically its the lack of understanding of what is going to happen between losing conciousness and dying that is preventing me from killing myself immediately)

The location where I've chosen to die is so very remote (but strangely picturesque) and I have no real fear (though I suppose there is always a chance, however slim) of being discovered until well after I'm gone.

So that is the plan. I've no idea whether it'll change by the day I die, but it gives me something to focus on for now. So what do you think? Have I missed something?

Has anyone else planned out how they are going to carry out their suicide? It would be interesting to see how my plan differs from others (particularly those who have selected the same method as me).

 

[TAW122]

I think you've pretty much covered it all, I can't think of anything else in regards to your plan (maybe others might).

Anyways, In a few days, depending on how my events goes, it'll determine whether or not I die in May or continue living. However, for the sake of this thread, I will answer as if I was going to ctb in May. So here is mine: So assuming that if things goes to shit and I've decided to die, then I will die near the end of May 2019, maybe around Memorial Day (no absolute hard date but generally around that time).

1) I would write my notes (in secrecy and encrypted, password protected files) to each of my recipients, family (mother, father, sister), to close friends or people around me (landlord, roommate, or just others in my social circle), then other friends, and finally influential people in my life.
2) In my notes, especially to family and other important people it will absolve them of guilt, explain my reasoning (especially to my father and maybe a few others close to me IRL), and then some instructions on what do post death (no funeral, take my money and assets and do as they wish - I can't care as I'm dead).
3) When the time is coming closer (April or early May), muster the courage, override SI, and wait for the time to do it.
4) When the timing is right (family out of town, landlord and roommates not at home), go home and have an alibi.
5) Clean my family's home, keep it tidy, house and pet sit for them (my family has a few cats that needs to be attended to while they are away).
6) During my last few weeks or days of my life, try to enjoy it the best I can, maybe drink a little bit (cider and wine), eat some tasty food before I die.
7) As end of May draws near, but before my family gets home, muster the courage, have no more doubts, and send the notes via delayed email (family will receive it first, then close friends or social circle, and last are the influential people). Also, maybe a written note to first responders on what to do with the body, when to inform my family (hopefully not during the last days of their vacation/trip).
8) On the evening before my death, ready myself, drive out of my house (don't want to make a mess in the house), ready my firearm (shotgun), load a shell (00 buckshot ideally or slug), put the barrel into my mouth angled at which it will likely hit the brainstem, turn safety off, calmly and carefully squeeze the trigger, and when the gun goes off, I should be dead very soon.

=Post Death=
9) As soon as the neighbors hear the gunshot, they will likely call the ambulance or police. The longer it takes for first responders to get there and let alone bring EMT or ambulance, then the more time I have to ensure death (bleeding out and/or succumbing to injuries). Ideally, how I see things play is: Neighbors mistake it as an active shooter or something, the police arrive quickly, with guns drawn thinking it is a shooter, and then soon finds out it is suicide. Then more time passes, and an ambulance is called and by the time they get my body (I should already be dead or very close to death) and pronounced dead on site or very soon at the hospital. If done all according to plan and correctly, then I should be dead before first responders even get to me in time.
10) Family, loved ones, people who know me IRL will grieve, will be sad, but at least I did all I can do alleviate their pain, their guilt, and help them at least come to terms of my death.