Concorde
Member
- Nov 19, 2025
- 41
I'm pretty sure I have to tell my partner. I can't enjoy the time I have left if I feel like a monster. I would prefer to just break up with him before, but even that seems unduly hurtful. Imagine, then, what him losing his partner to suicide would be like. Fuuuuuuck.
His best friend died suddenly this year. Like the day after that, I realized it was super tacky to feel suicidal. My partner has had adversity after adversity in the last 10 years. (He agrees that these adversities haven't been as soul-crushingly demoralizing as those in my life have been).
And in this last 6 weeks where I have been devastated again in life, and so planning and accepting and feeling relief that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, he knows almost nothing.
I like to believe that as humans, as animals, that we're just some patchy organism on a cold rock floating through space. No one will remember me in 100 years no matter what. All this disgust I feel about Earth will go with me.
I apologized to my partner the other day after complaining about something super small, unrelated to him at all, apologizing because it had to be torture to listen to for three minutes. But he said "no, I'm Team [Concorde]". I strongly hated that and said "but why?" and that it would be in his best interest for him to pick a winning team. I'm an anchor or a hole and he's a boat. I'm a dark cloud and he's a parade. Fuck this responsibility I'm feeling.
His best friend died suddenly this year. Like the day after that, I realized it was super tacky to feel suicidal. My partner has had adversity after adversity in the last 10 years. (He agrees that these adversities haven't been as soul-crushingly demoralizing as those in my life have been).
And in this last 6 weeks where I have been devastated again in life, and so planning and accepting and feeling relief that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, he knows almost nothing.
I like to believe that as humans, as animals, that we're just some patchy organism on a cold rock floating through space. No one will remember me in 100 years no matter what. All this disgust I feel about Earth will go with me.
I apologized to my partner the other day after complaining about something super small, unrelated to him at all, apologizing because it had to be torture to listen to for three minutes. But he said "no, I'm Team [Concorde]". I strongly hated that and said "but why?" and that it would be in his best interest for him to pick a winning team. I'm an anchor or a hole and he's a boat. I'm a dark cloud and he's a parade. Fuck this responsibility I'm feeling.
