Venting Pity party

[Jezzibell]

Is this a vent? Maybe not.

My ctb is looming.

I have always been suicidal. But the reasons range from escaping the trouble I've got myself into, or just a depleted body, unable to cope or function.

I have always been a risk taker, I know right from wrong and I understand the consequences of my actions, but I do it anyway.

I've recently been diagnosed with adhd which began in childhood. This explains a lot of the issues people see in me like constantly interrupting. Losing interest in things etc. It also explains the risk taking.

Anyway. I cannot get myself out of this mess which is very very bad with serious consequences. But I also feel its time. I am ill and have severe anorexia. I'm kept alive by tablets and supplements. My pain and discomfort is unmanageable.

I love my job and have just been given a promotion. I work from home.

But the real reason for this post is I have 15 days to ctb. The reality is that there is not one single soul that cares at all.

In our virtual world, its easy to get swept away by people's promises of support. But who are we to each other? Just strangers typing. And when people stop responding or reading, why are we surprised?

I will die alone. My fault because I have successfully isolated myself. My family have never bothered and obviously I can't tell them my plans. I did once and the response from my brother was - just make sure you prepay for your cremation because I'm not paying for it.

isn't it funny to think that life is so futile that nothing we do matters. I'm a good person - I'd give you the shirt off my back. Its just my moral compass is off course. I don't hate my life but there is no other option for me other than to ctb.

I look forward to nothing.

 

[R.E.N.]

What do you hope to experience (or not experience) after you go through with it?

 

[Jezzibell]

What do you hope to experience (or not experience) after you go through with it?

I hope nothing. I sincerely hope reincarnation is a myth. I could not live another life as me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really awful and tiring what you've been through so I hope that you find freedom from your suffering, I personally very strongly believe that we just cease existing after this, such a thing certainly sounds so ideal to me.

 

[SVEN]

I can't offer support, however I do have understanding for your position. Perhaps this can be some consolation as you contemplate your lonely journey to everlasting rest.

 

[R.E.N.]

I hope nothing. I sincerely hope reincarnation is a myth. I could not live another life as me.

That would certainly be freeing. Well, if it offers any consolation, the vastness of experience makes it improbable to live as you or as another organism suffering on Earth again. Good luck on the dice roll.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to go through is so awful and it's painful to be lonely in such crucial moments of life and although this place is virtual and we are strangers it gives a little bit of a feeling not to be alone. I hope you can peace and freedom! Have a pleasant journey!

 

[MrDarkness]

Is this a vent? Maybe not.

My ctb is looming.

I have always been suicidal. But the reasons range from escaping the trouble I've got myself into, or just a depleted body, unable to cope or function.

I have always been a risk taker, I know right from wrong and I understand the consequences of my actions, but I do it anyway.

I've recently been diagnosed with adhd which began in childhood. This explains a lot of the issues people see in me like constantly interrupting. Losing interest in things etc. It also explains the risk taking.

Anyway. I cannot get myself out of this mess which is very very bad with serious consequences. But I also feel its time. I am ill and have severe anorexia. I'm kept alive by tablets and supplements. My pain and discomfort is unmanageable.

I love my job and have just been given a promotion. I work from home.

But the real reason for this post is I have 15 days to ctb. The reality is that there is not one single soul that cares at all.

In our virtual world, its easy to get swept away by people's promises of support. But who are we to each other? Just strangers typing. And when people stop responding or reading, why are we surprised?

I will die alone. My fault because I have successfully isolated myself. My family have never bothered and obviously I can't tell them my plans. I did once and the response from my brother was - just make sure you prepay for your cremation because I'm not paying for it.

isn't it funny to think that life is so futile that nothing we do matters. I'm a good person - I'd give you the shirt off my back. Its just my moral compass is off course. I don't hate my life but there is no other option for me other than to ctb.

I look forward to nothing.

I'm in the same boat, I feel it's the only option, I'm just waiting for my calling. Death shouldn't be feared but loved. My dms are always open if you need to talk, I hope your able to find peace in life or death

 

[Aisley]

15 days. My god, that's a blink of an eye from now. Virtual spaces being what they are, and given all their limitations, still, you will be missed.
Wonder what your brother will say when he finds out you did in fact pay for the cremation.

 

[outrider567]

Is this a vent? Maybe not.

My ctb is looming.

I have always been suicidal. But the reasons range from escaping the trouble I've got myself into, or just a depleted body, unable to cope or function.

I have always been a risk taker, I know right from wrong and I understand the consequences of my actions, but I do it anyway.

I've recently been diagnosed with adhd which began in childhood. This explains a lot of the issues people see in me like constantly interrupting. Losing interest in things etc. It also explains the risk taking.

Anyway. I cannot get myself out of this mess which is very very bad with serious consequences. But I also feel its time. I am ill and have severe anorexia. I'm kept alive by tablets and supplements. My pain and discomfort is unmanageable.

I love my job and have just been given a promotion. I work from home.

But the real reason for this post is I have 15 days to ctb. The reality is that there is not one single soul that cares at all.

In our virtual world, its easy to get swept away by people's promises of support. But who are we to each other? Just strangers typing. And when people stop responding or reading, why are we surprised?

I will die alone. My fault because I have successfully isolated myself. My family have never bothered and obviously I can't tell them my plans. I did once and the response from my brother was - just make sure you prepay for your cremation because I'm not paying for it.

isn't it funny to think that life is so futile that nothing we do matters. I'm a good person - I'd give you the shirt off my back. Its just my moral compass is off course. I don't hate my life but there is no other option for me other than to ctb.

I look forward to nothing.

I look forward to nothing also

 

[The anhedonic one]

Is this a vent? Maybe not.

My ctb is looming.

I have always been suicidal. But the reasons range from escaping the trouble I've got myself into, or just a depleted body, unable to cope or function.

I have always been a risk taker, I know right from wrong and I understand the consequences of my actions, but I do it anyway.

I've recently been diagnosed with adhd which began in childhood. This explains a lot of the issues people see in me like constantly interrupting. Losing interest in things etc. It also explains the risk taking.

Anyway. I cannot get myself out of this mess which is very very bad with serious consequences. But I also feel its time. I am ill and have severe anorexia. I'm kept alive by tablets and supplements. My pain and discomfort is unmanageable.

I love my job and have just been given a promotion. I work from home.

But the real reason for this post is I have 15 days to ctb. The reality is that there is not one single soul that cares at all.

In our virtual world, its easy to get swept away by people's promises of support. But who are we to each other? Just strangers typing. And when people stop responding or reading, why are we surprised?

I will die alone. My fault because I have successfully isolated myself. My family have never bothered and obviously I can't tell them my plans. I did once and the response from my brother was - just make sure you prepay for your cremation because I'm not paying for it.

isn't it funny to think that life is so futile that nothing we do matters. I'm a good person - I'd give you the shirt off my back. Its just my moral compass is off course. I don't hate my life but there is no other option for me other than to ctb.

I look forward to nothing.

This post hit me hard. I once had a friend who was anorexic, yet there was absolutely nothing I or anyone else could do to help her.
It's such a cruel, and terrible thing that you are suffering like this, especially when you have no support from family who is supposed to be there for you.
Even just a few kind words can make such a difference, even though they will probably never be able to truly help you.
I hope you find the peace you deserve in whatever you choose.

 

[90starve]

anorexia is truly a beast - im so sorry that you've had to suffer through this. this was a beautifully written post - i hope you're able to find peace in 15 days <3