I've also used benzos w/o problems and I know others who have and still do. Not sure why benzos are treated by some as such a big deal that they should be recommended against. I would never take on the pretension of making some kind of medical diagnosis just from OP's post but parts of it can easily fall into the anxiety. If it were me I would correspondingly consider benzos, which, in my opinion, provide benefit that outweighs risk of harm.
Relatedly, the prospect of being treated like a criminal and/or beggar by medical doctors is in itself bad for patients' mental health. I find the whole gatekeeping approach to medicine tiresome to say the least. We live in a society that creates a bunch of problems for which drugs are required in order to keep functioning or just to not have to suffer. Not only do I not plan on retreating into the woods, trying to go off-grid or joining a new age meditation cult but the fact that some people end up abusing drugs or that there is an "opioid crisis" shouldn't be my problem. Maybe the docs can take it up with drug companies and politicians. Maybe they can advocate for a different society in the distant future. That's nice and all but if I need a drug to relieve suffering, the fact that some people who got fucked over by life or maybe just the economy are supposedly dying so much more frequently from drug addiction lately that it apparently requires ongoing mediatization all of a sudden, has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do with patients and their medical needs, especially when their medical needs don't include being an addict. This approach has permanently undermined the quality of doctor patient relationships and is not something I will ever voluntarily entertain for myself or anyone I care about.
