noctilucent
decaying
- Apr 5, 2024
- 15
Haven't posted in a while. Hi! Still suicidal.
I know it's, like, possibly the worst way to go, but I recently OD'd on Tylenol for the fourth time in my life due to it being the only thing with a chance of working I knew of and had access to each of those times. These ODs obviously never happen in good states of mind, because if I had been thinking rationally I wouldn't have used a method like this to begin with, etc, etc. Sometimes I get so desperate that I'll reach for a shitty method if it's in reach because the ones I'd ideally rather use are out of reach for me.
Anyways, this time was different from the others because I took quite a large amount and was just barely whisked away to the hospital in time to avoid permanent liver damage or a shutdown. They got it all out of my system, and it's been about a week, but I've noticed that it was different this time in other ways, too.
Getting to my question, have any of you who have ever also turned to a pill overdose in the past ever experienced long term aftereffects that have nothing to do with the physical damage?
For examples of what I mean, after this OD I have pretty severe trouble swallowing pills. My body tries to reject them when they're going down, even if I'm taking something safe, and I gag a lot or even cough them back up. Even thinking about taking pills or looking at pills can put a bad taste in my mouth, make my throat feel full, and make my stomach hurt, as if I'm experiencing what I went through in the hospital but to a very low degree. This feeling sometimes persists all day.
If you have experienced these things, do they fade with time? I'd especially like to be able to take pills normally again, because I'm on a lot of medications. It isn't anything physically wrong with me because I was medically cleared a while ago and my throat recovered already, etc, so I think it's a mental reaction from my body remembering what it went through.
I know it's, like, possibly the worst way to go, but I recently OD'd on Tylenol for the fourth time in my life due to it being the only thing with a chance of working I knew of and had access to each of those times. These ODs obviously never happen in good states of mind, because if I had been thinking rationally I wouldn't have used a method like this to begin with, etc, etc. Sometimes I get so desperate that I'll reach for a shitty method if it's in reach because the ones I'd ideally rather use are out of reach for me.
Anyways, this time was different from the others because I took quite a large amount and was just barely whisked away to the hospital in time to avoid permanent liver damage or a shutdown. They got it all out of my system, and it's been about a week, but I've noticed that it was different this time in other ways, too.
Getting to my question, have any of you who have ever also turned to a pill overdose in the past ever experienced long term aftereffects that have nothing to do with the physical damage?
For examples of what I mean, after this OD I have pretty severe trouble swallowing pills. My body tries to reject them when they're going down, even if I'm taking something safe, and I gag a lot or even cough them back up. Even thinking about taking pills or looking at pills can put a bad taste in my mouth, make my throat feel full, and make my stomach hurt, as if I'm experiencing what I went through in the hospital but to a very low degree. This feeling sometimes persists all day.
If you have experienced these things, do they fade with time? I'd especially like to be able to take pills normally again, because I'm on a lot of medications. It isn't anything physically wrong with me because I was medically cleared a while ago and my throat recovered already, etc, so I think it's a mental reaction from my body remembering what it went through.
