Discussion personality disorders

[Life_and_Death]

explain your personality disorder. im curious. i have borderline personality disorder. for me it kind of feels like each mood has a personality. and theres all my interests so i dont really fit into any groups. i actually wonder if i have 2 personality disorders. some times its a outer type of personality where you can visually see it by what i wear/how i do my hair. then theres the inside one where i have different trains of thought. and then theres the 2 voices that talk. its like they are me but they arent. like im someone else. i think ive confused myself....i hope you guys understand this lol. oh and the 2 "different" personality disorders sometimes coincide and sometimes dont

 

[WornOutLife]

Same happens to me. I don't really fit in any group but due to my "fake personalities" I can adapt to any social atmosphere very easily (this caused depression to me because of the constant pressure to "act" and "fit in" with people)
I mean, I think I have more than one personality but some of them are way too extreme. However, if I showed the world my true self (the one who is depressed, wants to CTB and so on), I couldn't even get a job.

 

[BPD Barbie]

For me with BPD it's like I have 2 personalities, one good and one evil. I don't really know who I am and which side is really me, I feel lost and have no sense of identity. My personality is made up of different parts of other people that I've picked up over the years.

 

[Life_and_Death]

For me with BPD it's like I have 2 personalities, one good and one evil.

this is one of the things is do. its like sometimes i want the world to burn but other times i wouldnt hurt a fly.

 

[ecmnesia]

sorry if it deviates too much from the discussion you proposed, but how was the process of your diagnosis?

it's been suggested (random people, not professionals) that I have BPD but that it might take years to recognize it properly.

would you mind sharing your experience? did you suspect that it could be BPD previously?

 

[Life_and_Death]

i walked in they had me do a questionnaire i can get online then he handed me a printed off webmd sheet or something i dont like the system here. however yes i did suspect so before hand. i kind of have this thing where i analyze myself and others trying to understand better so what i did was a bunch of research until i found the one that best described me

 

[StateOfMind]

I'm the wrong person to ask.
I don't believe in "personality disorders" per se.
See Mitchel Foucault.
People who exhibit perceived "negative" traits to the extent that it harms themselves and others are a mere reflection projected by an overall unhealthy society.

Madness and Civilization - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Emily_Numb]

i walked in they had me do a questionnaire i can get online then he handed me a printed off webmd sheet or something i dont like the system here. however yes i did suspect so before hand. i kind of have this thing where i analyze myself and others trying to understand better so what i did was a bunch of research until i found the one that best described me

I am not sure what country you are in but I have never heard anyone be diagnosed by a questionnaire. It can take months and even years of weekly psychiatry to form a clinical diagnosis. This is shocking negligence. I feel bad that this was your experience. I'm so sorry. If that's how you've been diagnosed I would almost certainly look for a second opinion. This is not how you get diagnosed.

I have had three diagnosis, BPD, Bipolar II and C-PTSD. Oh, and EDNOS but I sort of class that as something separate to my mental health diagnosis which I probably shouldn't but hey ho.

I'll focus on the BPD first. For me it is extreme, intense emotions that can flick like a switch. When this happens it's like I'm possessed. It's obviously me but it's nothing like my 'usual' self. It truly feels like a totally different person. I sometimes even feel like I don't look like myself.

When I switch I am the most vile, hurtful, toxic, spiteful human being and so incredibly angry at the world and everyone in it. This switch then flicks back at some point to a loving, kind, generous, relaxed Emily. I don't know what makes me switch, I've never managed to figure out my triggers and I don't know what suddenly stops these rages either. My rages usually last 3-4 days for me at the moment. When I come out the other side I often feel immense guilt and then spend the next week apologising to people. I also have a Favourite Person which is extremely common for those with BPD. Google that for more information if you haven't heard of it. It's incredible that this human being has stuck by me for so long. I'm incredibly fortunate.

My Bipolar manifests not in mood swings like the BPD, but hypomanic episodes followed by crushing depressions. If you've ever watched the film 'Limitless' that's the only way I have been able to describe to people what being hypomanic feels like for me. I have type 2 so never get to the point of full blown mania with delusional thinking or psychosis. That's only ever happened once and was over 20 years ago. Hypomanic feels great to begin with but when you are 2 weeks in, living on a few hours sleep, think you are some sort of super human, can't stop doing things day and night like DIY at 3am and cleaning floors with a toothbrush, it starts to really deteriorate your sanity and you also know in the back of your mind that what goes up, must come down and you will inevitably crash. I've found the longer I am high for, the bigger the depressive crash.

 

[BPD Barbie]

sorry if it deviates too much from the discussion you proposed, but how was the process of your diagnosis?

it's been suggested (random people, not professionals) that I have BPD but that it might take years to recognize it properly.

would you mind sharing your experience? did you suspect that it could be BPD previously?

For me I had never heard of it before, but this was 10 years ago now. The more I read and researched into it the more I just felt like the diagnosis fit me pretty perfectly. At the time I didn't go through any 'tests' I'd been in therapy for childhood trauma and sexual abuse for a little while and been describing my daily behaviour when it was brought up I probably had BPD.
I feel like it's a diagnosis many professionals don't want to give as it's seen as a 'bad' disorder and comes with a bad stigma. People with BPD are seen as bad people, manipulative etc.
Meds don't usually have much impact, I also have bipolar so my meds are mostly for that, but therapy, especially DBT is seen as the gold standard for BPD.

 

[Emily_Numb]

For me I had never heard of it before, but this was 10 years ago now. The more I read and researched into it the more I just felt like the diagnosis fit me pretty perfectly. At the time I didn't go through any 'tests' I'd been in therapy for childhood trauma and sexual abuse for a little while and been describing my daily behaviour when it was brought up I probably had BPD.
I feel like it's a diagnosis many professionals don't want to give as it's seen as a 'bad' disorder and comes with a bad stigma. People with BPD are seen as bad people, manipulative etc.
Meds don't usually have much impact, I also have bipolar so my meds are mostly for that, but therapy, especially DBT is seen as the gold standard for BPD.

Sorry to go off topic but have you found DBT helpful? After a failed CTB attempt on Saturday I'm back under the care of the the crisis team and they keep pushing this as an idea. I've never been into talking therapy if it's a group thing but I value your opinion a lot as we seem to have very similar diagnosis. I mean, I've tried pretty much everything else apart from CBT or DBT.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Sorry to go off topic but have you found DBT helpful? After a failed CTB attempt on Saturday I'm back under the care of the the crisis team and they keep pushing this as an idea. I've never been into talking therapy if it's a group thing but I value your opinion a lot as we seem to have very similar diagnosis. I mean, I've tried pretty much everything else apart from CBT or DBT.

No worries! I've never been into talking therapies either, CBT did absolutely nothing for me and felt very childish to be honest. DBT is better at understanding why X happens and recognising behaviours. There are some DBT pdf files online you can have a look at and see if it's your thing or not. But the only thing that kinda helped me was meds. For some reason I get really defensive in talking therapies, like I'm being talked down to even though that's not the case. But I've heard good things about DBT and people going on to live pretty normal and good lives as a result.

 

[Emily_Numb]

No worries! I've never been into talking therapies either, CBT did absolutely nothing for me and felt very childish to be honest. DBT is better at understanding why X happens and recognising behaviours. There are some DBT pdf files online you can have a look at and see if it's your thing or not. But the only thing that kinda helped me was meds. For some reason I get really defensive in talking therapies, like I'm being talked down to even though that's not the case. But I've heard good things about DBT and people going on to live pretty normal and good lives as a result.

I think we might be twins but seriously, I saw you have been prescribed aripriprizole (sp?) I was prescribed this by a private psychiatrist and the GP point blank refused to issue me the drug. I reported them and all sorts. I've been told it's actually really expensive and they don't like to dish it out because there are way cheaper drugs they can give (which are crap). I did my research and heard it's actually a really decent drug. It I'm still yet to try it. Do you rate it?

I actually have a DBT workbook thing I got from Amazon. Maybe I really should stop being such a brat and actually attempt to read it and try it out.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I am not sure what country you are in but I have never heard anyone be diagnosed by a questionnaire. It can take months and even years of weekly psychiatry to form a clinical diagnosis. This is shocking negligence. I feel bad that this was your experience. I'm so sorry. If that's how you've been diagnosed I would almost certainly look for a second opinion. This is not how you get diagnosed.

I have had three diagnosis, BPD, Bipolar II and C-PTSD. Oh, and EDNOS but I sort of class that as something separate to my mental health diagnosis which I probably shouldn't but hey ho.

I'll focus on the BPD first. For me it is extreme, intense emotions that can flick like a switch. When this happens it's like I'm possessed. It's obviously me but it's nothing like my 'usual' self. It truly feels like a totally different person. I sometimes even feel like I don't look like myself.

When I switch I am the most vile, hurtful, toxic, spiteful human being and so incredibly angry at the world and everyone in it. This switch then flicks back at some point to a loving, kind, generous, relaxed Emily. I don't know what makes me switch, I've never managed to figure out my triggers and I don't know what suddenly stops these rages either. My rages usually last 3-4 days for me at the moment. When I come out the other side I often feel immense guilt and then spend the next week apologising to people. I also have a Favourite Person which is extremely common for those with BPD. Google that for more information if you haven't heard of it. It's incredible that this human being has stuck by me for so long. I'm incredibly fortunate.

My Bipolar manifests not in mood swings like the BPD, but hypomanic episodes followed by crushing depressions. If you've ever watched the film 'Limitless' that's the only way I have been able to describe to people what being hypomanic feels like for me. I have type 2 so never get to the point of full blown mania with delusional thinking or psychosis. That's only ever happened once and was over 20 years ago. Hypomanic feels great to begin with but when you are 2 weeks in, living on a few hours sleep, think you are some sort of super human, can't stop doing things day and night like DIY at 3am and cleaning floors with a toothbrush, it starts to really deteriorate your sanity and you also know in the back of your mind that what goes up, must come down and you will inevitably crash. I've found the longer I am high for, the bigger the depressive crash.

You pretty much just described me.
I've never been diagnosed, but I've known I'm bipolar for decades. We used to call it manic depression.
My older sister had severe BPD, and I've begun to suspect I have a mild form of it myself. It seems to be getting worse as I age.
Living with both of these is a nightmare. I wouldn't wish this shit on anybody.

 

[Emily_Numb]

You pretty much just described me.
I've never been diagnosed, but I've known I'm bipolar for decades. We used to call it manic depression.
My older sister had severe BPD, and I've begun to suspect I have a mild form of it myself. It seems to be getting worse as I age.
Living with both of these is a nightmare. I wouldn't wish this shit on anybody.

I like to think I'm a basically a qualified doctor thanks to Google and WebMD. My family actually make a joke of it as they call me when they are sick to see what I think it might be.
If what I said above sounds a lot like you, I'm sure you have been living with it too. Yes, I remember when it was called Manic depression too (showing my age now!) I've actually found its got worse as I've got older too. I wonder if that's a typical thing? My PhD from WebMD didn't cover that topic.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I think we might be twins but seriously, I saw you have been prescribed aripriprizole (sp?) I was prescribed this by a private psychiatrist and the GP point blank refused to issue me the drug. I reported them and all sorts. I've been told it's actually really expensive and they don't like to dish it out because there are way cheaper drugs they can give (which are crap). I did my research and heard it's actually a really decent drug. It I'm still yet to try it. Do you rate it?

I actually have a DBT workbook thing I got from Amazon. Maybe I really should stop being such a brat and actually attempt to read it and try it out.

Sister from another mister I tried other things like lamotrigine first but cos of other health concerns they wanted to avoid Lithium which is another really good drug for bipolar. I found it pretty easy to aripiprazole from my psych tbh and since taking it I've noticed improvements. I'm no longer super paranoid, don't hallucinate, it's like it put a damper on my emotions. Don't get me wrong it's not like some super drug cos I'm still on this forum lol I still self harm and all that stuff, but it's helped massively and I'm not even on the max dose. From experience I'd recommend it.
Get that workbook out! Honestly the waiting list for therapies is so long probably best to do it at home yourself. There isn't anything really that you can't pick up from a text book or somewhere else online.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

For me with BPD it's like I have 2 personalities, one good and one evil. I don't really know who I am and which side is really me, I feel lost and have no sense of identity. My personality is made up of different parts of other people that I've picked up over the years.

Is that really what BPD is like? I feel exactly like that almost all the time but I never got diagnosed with that. Only depression, anxiety, and trauma...

 

[BPD Barbie]

Is that really what BPD is like? I feel exactly like that almost all the time but I never got diagnosed with that. Only depression, anxiety, and trauma...

For me, yes, that's how it feels. But it might not be the same for everyone. If you're concerned that you might have it, it's best to speak to your doctor and bring up your concerns, there is help out there. If you're a male, it's less common to have BPD.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Sister from another mister I tried other things like lamotrigine first but cos of other health concerns they wanted to avoid Lithium which is another really good drug for bipolar. I found it pretty easy to aripiprazole from my psych tbh and since taking it I've noticed improvements. I'm no longer super paranoid, don't hallucinate, it's like it put a damper on my emotions. Don't get me wrong it's not like some super drug cos I'm still on this forum lol I still self harm and all that stuff, but it's helped massively and I'm not even on the max dose. From experience I'd recommend it.
Get that workbook out! Honestly the waiting list for therapies is so long probably best to do it at home yourself. There isn't anything really that you can't pick up from a text book or somewhere else online.

Snap on the Lamotrigine too! I actually found that pretty decent for me. But me being me I decided I'm a magical super human being who doesn't need any drugs and help so stopped taking them and now can't get a repeat. I've avoided lithium too. I just think it feels too risky.
I will defo dust off that workbook. It's probably got all the stuff in there that I'll sit on an NHS waiting list for 9 months to find out about.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Snap on the Lamotrigine too! I actually found that pretty decent for me. But me being me I decided I'm a magical super human being who doesn't need any drugs and help so stopped taking them and now can't get a repeat. I've avoided lithium too. I just think it feels too risky.
I will defo dust off that workbook. It's probably got all the stuff in there that I'll sit on an NHS waiting list for 9 months to find out about.

I got a rash so had to stop it :/ Lmao I think we've all been there on the stopping drugs front. It's so easy when you start feeling good you just think you don't need them anymore even though they are probably what's making you feel better. Lithium can be ok with regular bloods, again, heard really good things about it. There was a study recently on drinking water which contained lithium and it had like one of the lowest suicide rates.

 

[Disappointered]

no comment on Foucault but i also think the whole psych industry is mostly BS and is used to shift the burden from a disfunctional society to the individuals who are victimized by it. i find both CBT and DBT to be ridiculous and most therapists to be smug, grossly over-valued abusive parasites. that said, if someone or something has helped anyone, all the better and hopefully they'll keep benefiting from it.

 

[TessB]

I have BPD rediagnosed as emotionally intense disorder and well.. I get completely obsessed with people, then they offend me in some way and I block them. I seek out danger and risk, i self harm, I'm suicidal, my mood swings are so ridiculous I don't know how I'll feel one hour to the next. I see my future as suicide within a year and that makes me feel buzzing.. just another high.

 

[Emily_Numb]

no comment on Foucault but i also think the whole psych industry is mostly BS and is used to shift the burden from a disfunctional society to the individuals who are victimized by it. i find both CBT and DBT to be ridiculous and most therapists to be smug, grossly over-valued abusive parasites. that said, if someone or something has helped anyone, all the better and hopefully they'll keep benefiting from it.

Sounds like you've had some really crap help. Sorry to hear that. I agree there are a lot of therapists out there who are absolute junk. I'm a bit of a snob about it all. If they didn't go to medical school and are not an actual Dr then forget it. Any clown can get a certificate in therapy from some online school. The problem with 'therapy' and 'counselling' is it's not regulated In the UK anyway. Most I've encountered, are flakes.

Now psychiatrists are way more reliable and helpful in my experience. My current one has been pretty exceptional. As with everything in life, you get what you pay for which is utterly depressing for healthcare, but the world we live in.

 

[Disappointered]

I've had appalling experiences from family physicians, psychiatrists and psychologists. Glad you found someone who actually helps you.

 

[watsonsmith]

I think we might be twins but seriously, I saw you have been prescribed aripriprizole (sp?) I was prescribed this by a private psychiatrist and the GP point blank refused to issue me the drug. I reported them and all sorts. I've been told it's actually really expensive and they don't like to dish it out because there are way cheaper drugs they can give (which are crap). I did my research and heard it's actually a really decent drug. It I'm still yet to try it. Do you rate it?

I actually have a DBT workbook thing I got from Amazon. Maybe I really should stop being such a brat and actually attempt to read it and try it out.

I was also diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar and my experience is similar to yours. However, I don't really identify with these diagnoses, it's all based on trauma and my failed attempts at self-medicating (my manic episodes were the result of MJ abuse and experimenting with plant medicines in the Amazon jungle).

I just wanted to comment on aripiprazole (or Abilify) – I was given that in a psych ward and it ranks among the worst experiences of my life. I got akathisia from it that lasted for about a month after I stopped taking it once I was out of the hospital. Of course that's just my experience, but it's on the list of side effects and I would seriously consider it when deciding to take this drug.

 

[LastWhisper]

I was diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) and some affective disorder (they changed it many times so I don't even know lol). I'm not sure for the second, but the first one is definitely correct, it makes nearly impossible to keep any communications with the people (but not only that), especially if you want to, but you just can't. However it seems I have even more disorders, but I don't want to go to my psychiatrist to return to psych ward just to know that.