Venting Personal

[Mist]

I can't take it, I don't want to keep living, but I can't leave my boyfriend here. He moved multiple states to live with me and has spent almost all his money here because both of us are neets. I keep trying to be a functional person but my legal issues are making it so hard. Reporting to them, having a record, and not being able to smoke weed (which I do anyways and then panic when it gets close to the test) just kills all motivation to keep trying to fix myself. Everything I've done just ruins other people's lives as well as my own and I'm sick of it. Why should I even try to leave anything behind? Why shouldn't I just ctb right now? God my heart hurts so much.
I just want to be a good person and live a nice life. Is that so much to ask?

 

[MsMaudlin]

Sending you a great big hug!

Life is really hard work, combine that with not having a job, having a record, feelings of despair, its perfectly natural to want to CTB.

What would happen with your boyfriend if you did? Would he have family or friends, someone he could go to? Xx

❤

 

[Mist]

What would happen with your boyfriend if you did? Would he have family or friends, someone he could go to? Xx

They live out of state. His stepdad drove him here. To make it harder, he had his stuff stolen on the way so if he moves back, he got robbed and spent his money for nothing. His relationship with his mother sucks too so...

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I just want to be a good person and live a nice life. Is that so much to ask?

It's not too much to ask, but it is always an uphill struggle. You have to fight to survive, that is the unfortunate reality of life. I'm really sorry you are finding the fight so hard. Me too.

 

[CuddleHug]

I feel like there is nothing useful I can say, except that we are here to support you. Talk it all out and see if you can't make it through another day, another week or even longer. I believe in you

Also, hugs~

 

[Mist]

It's not too much to ask, but it is always an uphill struggle. You have to fight to survive, that is the unfortunate reality of life. I'm really sorry you are finding the fight so hard. Me too.

If it was easy it wouldn't be fulfilling I suppose.


I wish I could just talk to my boyfriend about it, but it's not fair to him and he always uses it against me later. I'm about too late for this stop though so can't ctb on impulse so that's good I guess...

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well, it's also really tough to have someone tell you they feel suicidal. People don't know how to deal with it for the best and sometimes have a knee jerk reaction to call in 'the professionals' because they feel out of their depth. But sometimes all you need is someone to listen and try and understand.