Empyress
sadnes
- Nov 29, 2022
- 13
tldr not full but enough i guess background: was in relation around 2 years and deeply in love with them for most of it, they seemed to be similar maybe bit less in love but still, we had plans n stuff and i was extremely happy with them after being pretty miserable feeling most of time before that, but basically eventually they just became more cold and i guess decided they dont like me anymore, coincidentally or not it was also after i stopped being useful for them, for very short period of time after leaving they cared or atleast pretended to care, but when i didnt magically move on quickly or get over it i guess they stopped trying to keep it up
i tried to talk to them again after they like always nowadays just act like not same person i knew, as if they dont care what would happen to me at all, as if im some stranger, except worse cuz with strangers you try to keep up public appearances or something usually, i truly love them i still do i cant stop loving them no matter how many mean things they tell me or how much they hurt me i just wish they told me they love me again and i would forgive them everything and dedicate my existence for them like i did, i know theyre not good for me and how like, no matter how much i think, i cant imagine saying such things to someone in such situation, like even if u dont like someone dont be an asshole is how i feel, id try to be understanding and polite unless they also are rude or insulting to me, but they just dont care i guess
i wish i could just forget them, forget how nice they were and how i felt like for once life was kind to me, i wasnt just "not unlucky/average luck" but i was LUCKY to have such love, atleast thats how i felt in the moment, but now all it does it make me feel way worse now that i know what its like to be happy, knowing i wont ever feel like that again, its like if ur used to eating shit constantly you dont mind it cuz its normal, but if u eat amazingly for awhile its much harder to go back to eating shit , to give a bit-stupid-but-good-enough-i-hope analogy
i really love them, i feel like they are my meaning, i wanna exist for them, i wish they felt like that too, i felt like they did to a degree, just not anymore, the only way i can exist nowdays is by either distracting myself with activities to keep my mind busy from thinking about them constantly, but when i have to fall asleep i cant sleep if i dont dream about being with them and them still liking me
objectively im not a idiot i know theyre an asshole now and without divine intervention or something they will never love me again and i was just a fool and ended up being used cause im clingy and i get attached and i dont really see anything wrong with that either, people just are self centered assholes usually, im sure good people exist but usually they are the ones who get screwed the most cuz they try to keep being understanding and give benefit of the doubt and the shitty people always abuse that and when roles are reversed always dont give a damn
but at same time i still love them so much i love them i love them i cant forget them ever ill never forget them it hurts so much i need them so much im very sad they were the only one i felt accept me even when i didnt accept myself and made me feel like maybe life isnt so bad
okei this is mostly just a vent and i dont really have good way to end this but ya cri sadnes
i tried to talk to them again after they like always nowadays just act like not same person i knew, as if they dont care what would happen to me at all, as if im some stranger, except worse cuz with strangers you try to keep up public appearances or something usually, i truly love them i still do i cant stop loving them no matter how many mean things they tell me or how much they hurt me i just wish they told me they love me again and i would forgive them everything and dedicate my existence for them like i did, i know theyre not good for me and how like, no matter how much i think, i cant imagine saying such things to someone in such situation, like even if u dont like someone dont be an asshole is how i feel, id try to be understanding and polite unless they also are rude or insulting to me, but they just dont care i guess
i wish i could just forget them, forget how nice they were and how i felt like for once life was kind to me, i wasnt just "not unlucky/average luck" but i was LUCKY to have such love, atleast thats how i felt in the moment, but now all it does it make me feel way worse now that i know what its like to be happy, knowing i wont ever feel like that again, its like if ur used to eating shit constantly you dont mind it cuz its normal, but if u eat amazingly for awhile its much harder to go back to eating shit , to give a bit-stupid-but-good-enough-i-hope analogy
i really love them, i feel like they are my meaning, i wanna exist for them, i wish they felt like that too, i felt like they did to a degree, just not anymore, the only way i can exist nowdays is by either distracting myself with activities to keep my mind busy from thinking about them constantly, but when i have to fall asleep i cant sleep if i dont dream about being with them and them still liking me
objectively im not a idiot i know theyre an asshole now and without divine intervention or something they will never love me again and i was just a fool and ended up being used cause im clingy and i get attached and i dont really see anything wrong with that either, people just are self centered assholes usually, im sure good people exist but usually they are the ones who get screwed the most cuz they try to keep being understanding and give benefit of the doubt and the shitty people always abuse that and when roles are reversed always dont give a damn
but at same time i still love them so much i love them i love them i cant forget them ever ill never forget them it hurts so much i need them so much im very sad they were the only one i felt accept me even when i didnt accept myself and made me feel like maybe life isnt so bad
okei this is mostly just a vent and i dont really have good way to end this but ya cri sadnes
