Perfectionism

[venin]

For me, perfectionism is a key factor in wanting to leave this world. It has brought me to this point (partly, ofc) and is still leading me towards it.

I am in a place where I could still fit the pieces of my puzzle so that I could be fairly satisfied. But given the fact that this is so far (and so hard) from what I've normally pursued for myself, so unfair, I would rather die than accept this potential reality.

This obviusly is a simplistic view of the real picture of my current situation, but I tried to emphasize, as much as I could at this time, the role I think it has and it had regarding my wish to exit reality.

 

[Napoleon]

I agree. I often wish I was near-perfect, whether it be in smarts or looks or athletic ability. The list goes on. Really sucks that a lot of stuff is just from genetic recombination, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some lucky ducks get all the luck in genetic recombination. Leonardo DiCaprio is a good example, his father is not very good looking, whereas his mother is, and he inherited both parents' good features. Really does suck when you realize most of what matters is stuff you can hardly change or fix.

 

[bluebus]

I've definitely struggled with this too. I think it comes from a place of needing some sort of control over my own life. When I was little I definielty got hung up on a lot of little details that didn't really matter. Throughout my life I always wanted everything I did, and myself, to be as close to perfect as possible. I put so much effort into everything I did. Maybe it was good maybe it was bad. I honestly don't know anything except that none of it matters anymore.

 

[venin]

I've definitely struggled with this too. I think it comes from a place of needing some sort of control over my own life. When I was little I definielty got hung up on a lot of little details that didn't really matter. Throughout my life I always wanted everything I did, and myself, to be as close to perfect as possible. I put so much effort into everything I did. Maybe it was good maybe it was bad. I honestly don't know anything except that none of it matters anymore.

It's like a curse. For me it was definetely caused by my fucked up upbringing, by those impossible standards that were put on myself. Even though they were the worst at parenting, ironically…

Idk, maybe my nature is also this way
Although I don't think so.

I mainly think it's a coping mechanism.
Also an attempt to control a highly unstable and uncontrollable enviroment in childhood.

I wish I could just be normal and satisfied with that. In my case I sometimes manage to do things perfectly and I am still not satisfied.

I agree. I often wish I was near-perfect, whether it be in smarts or looks or athletic ability. The list goes on. Really sucks that a lot of stuff is just from genetic recombination, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some lucky ducks get all the luck in genetic recombination. Leonardo DiCaprio is a good example, his father is not very good looking, whereas his mother is, and he inherited both parents' good features. Really does suck when you realize most of what matters is stuff you can hardly change or fix.

Veery true. I hate that so much of the really important things are out of our reach. Can you tell me more about genetic recombination? I'm kinda ignorant regarding the subject, although I've read some genetics.

 

[bluebus]

It's like a curse. For me it was definetely caused by my fucked up upbringing, by those impossible standards that were put on myself. Even though they were the worst at parenting, ironically…

Idk, maybe my nature is also this way
Although I don't think so.

I mainly think it's a coping mechanism.
Also an attempt to control a highly unstable and uncontrollable enviroment in childhood.

I wish I could just be normal and satisfied with that. In my case I sometimes manage to do things perfectly and I am still not satisfied.

I totally understand. It's not fair that you have to suffer through this. I hope that you can find peace eventually. You absolutely deserve it. Best wishes,

 

[venin]

I totally understand. It's not fair that you have to suffer through this. I hope that you can find peace eventually. You absolutely deserve it. Best wishes,

Thank you… you too

I wish you better and easier days

 

[pyroxenic]

Perfecitonism is partly why my problems exist... i want to be a flawless human who will never make mistakes or hurt anyone. Of course thats not possible and my flaws drive me to a CTB state. People tell me they 'love' me for who i am but my inperfect self ruined so many and keeps making same mistakes over and over no matter how much i try to avoid. People around me are baffled when i break down when i scream about how much i want to he perfect. Perfectionism is like a parasite that spreads more and more that it drives you insane. Perfectionism leads to even more in-perfectionism. Its awful to hold views and thoughts similar to this and i really sympahtize to you in this regard.

 

[venin]

Perfecitonism is partly why my problems exist... i want to be a flawless human who will never make mistakes or hurt anyone. Of course thats not possible and my flaws drive me to a CTB state. People tell me they 'love' me for who i am but my inperfect self ruined so many and keeps making same mistakes over and over no matter how much i try to avoid. People around me are baffled when i break down when i scream about how much i want to he perfect. Perfectionism is like a parasite that spreads more and more that it drives you insane. Perfectionism leads to even more in-perfectionism. Its awful to hold views and thoughts similar to this and i really sympahtize to you in this regard.

I relate to this a lot