Perfect life?

[stilltrying]

Hi everyone,

Is there anyone here who also feel like have everything- people who care about them, roof above head, appearance, money and still wish to end it all?

I'm exacly that type of person. My biggest reason which makes me thinking about CTB is my dad. I'm a sportperson and my biggest dream is to became professional someday, you know all those tournaments, throphies, television, etc. My dad is the one who pays for all the stuff including trainings, that's why I still live with my parents and feel dependent from them. My dad is very temperamental person, especially when it comes to me performing in tournaments.

That's where the problems begin. When I play well, he's lovely, caring and best dad on earth. When I lose, he gets mad at me, stop talking, makes everything to spite me and act like I'm no longer his child. Like a stranger.

Becoming pro one day has always been my dream since I was like 10. I sourrender everything to make this come true- friends, social life, gave up a good university and sign up on much worse so that I can focus only on sport.

It was all my choice and I don't regret it at all. It's only my dad who makes me feel like shit all the time and makes me hate myself. I feel like I have never been good enought for him.

I'm prepared, just in case things really mess up. Would be really sad to leave, as I don't hate life at all- I see it as a never ending perspective for change and the fact that anything can happen makes me even more curious to carry on. I just can't stand my dad anymore, the pressure he puts on me and how he judges me all the time.

I could move out from home and start living on my own, but that would mean giving up the sport, which will surely lead me to ctb, as it has been always my purpose for living.

Sorry for such personal post, which I know might sound strange and hard to relate from your point of view. It's just the fact that I deal with huge lonesome makes me need to get it off my cheast.

 

[Bat 17]

Welcome! It wont be any consolation and I'm sure you know this, but so many sports people have ridiculously pushy parents. Many such parents are living vicariously through their children for their own unrealised dreams

Have you spoken to your dad about how he's making you feel?

 

[stilltrying]

Yes, I did it plenty of times. The problem is that he doesn't see his mistakes, he says that he acts normal or that I'm trying to blame him. I told him this couple of times and afterwards was even worse.

Welcome! It wont be any consolation and I'm sure you know this, but so many sports people have ridiculously pushy parents. Many such parents are living vicariously through their children for their own unrealised dreams

Have you spoken to your dad about how he's making you feel?

 

[deathgal]

Are you into sports because of you or your dad? It sounds like he's pushing you because of an unresolved dream of his. If you enjoy it fine but it's no fun if there's all this pressure being put on you.

 

[Bat 17]

Maybe it needs a third party to speak to him. Do you have a trainer or coach?

As for battling with feelings of ending it, I think it's not surprising and I'm glad you've come here for support. It must be such a rollercoaster of emotions and highs and lows right now

 

[stilltrying]

Are you into sports because of you or your dad? It sounds like he's pushing you because of an unresolved dream of his. If you enjoy it fine but it's no fun if there's all this pressure being put on you.

I started playing becouse of him, and he's the one who sign me up for first training. Althought then at some point when I was like 10, he asked me if I want to play just for fun, or take it seriously. I said I want to became pro, and that's how it started, so I guess it was my decision. What you say about unresloved dream of his, it's 100% true. It's not that I hate sport and I don't want to do it- actually as I said, it's my purpose to carry on. But I can't stand that feeling of having supporting dad only when I play well.

Maybe it needs a third party to speak to him. Do you have a trainer or coach?

As for battling with feelings of ending it, I think it's not surprising and I'm glad you've come here for support. It must be such a rollercoaster of emotions and highs and lows right now

You know, the problem with coach is that my dad is the one who pays him, so coach can't say anything controversial if he wants to keep being paid. Thanks for understanding, that's exacly what i feel. Can't stand this emotion craziness and feel so lonely and tired.

 

[deathgal]

But you're not enjoying now because of him. I know it's a stupid question but is there anyone in your family you can talk to. Maybe they could approach him with you and say its making things harder for you when he gets annoyed at you. Not everyone is going to be good at sports all the time. Even professionals mess it up.

 

[stilltrying]

But you're not enjoying now because of him. I know it's a stupid question but is there anyone in your family you can talk to. Maybe they could approach him with you and say its making things harder for you when he gets annoyed at you. Not everyone is going to be good at sports all the time. Even professionals mess it up.

The only person would be my mum, and I tried that already, but my dad in such situations always makes it looks like I'm just a looser and that hurts a lot. My mum who's not really into sport doesn't really know what we're talking about, and who to belive. I love her but she just acts like she understands me and then I can hear her talking with dad and acting completly different.