Help Perfect excuse for ordering SN?

[HorribleFeelings1]

So I recently ordered a scalpel for my method to CTB, which is exsanguination but I hate how painful scalpels are to a real knife, it feels like a piece of paper slicing your skin and I hate that feeling, however if I use a knife then it would be way harder since scalpels cut your skin like scissors cutting paper, it's so strong and powerful but yet so painful. Till then I postponed my method exsanguination, however I tend to do more research on it and still try to find better ways to bleed out, like get drunk and numb the pain.

while doing research on exsanguination, I hate the fact that I'm doing such a risky method and painful but I like the method a lot. I just want a method so I can finally stop hurting every single day. I'm going to order SN from amazon for 10$, purity is 99.6, 4 ounces which is 113 grams. I'm going to follow stans guide along with more research to make sure I know what I'm doing and what I'm dealing with.The problem comes with ordering SN.

I live with my family still since I'm still 18 (gonna turn 19 this July) When ordering my scalpel, I had to make up the lie that I needed to bring in a scalpel in my biology class for a dissecting for extra credit. But my mom checks what my family orders, like I came home with my scalpel package opened by my mom. I need a good excuse to tell her why I'm ordering or when she finds it. I'm afraid she's gonna think it's for drugs since she is very very strict with my family doing drugs. Thank you for your time :)

 

[Ghost2211]

Well, unfortunately the primary two purposes of this substance is differentiating types of wood and curing meats. I don't know if you, or really any of us could pass off that excuse considering how obscure it is. Is it possible to track the package carefully and make sure you are the one to intercept it? And of course hide it somewhere awesome.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Well, unfortunately the primary two purposes of this substance is differentiating types of wood and curing meats. I don't know if you, or really any of us could pass off that excuse considering how obscure it is. Is it possible to track the package carefully and make sure you are the one to intercept it? And of course hide it somewhere awesome.

My plan is to order it for a science fair project. I'm going to create my own poster that looks like a school poster for a science fair. My "project" is going to be how to figure out which meat is contaminated by using SN (it's an absurd idea but if you manipulate someone who doesn't know what SN is, it can work.) It's a lot but it can work definitely

 

[Oyoy]

My plan is to order it for a science fair project. I'm going to create my own poster that looks like a school poster for a science fair. My "project" is going to be how to figure out which meat is contaminated by using SN (it's an absurd idea but if you manipulate someone who doesn't know what SN is, it can work.) It's a lot but it can work definitely

Please don't. Nobody is a bigger screw up then me. I bet a lot of people love the shit out of you.xoxo

 

[Deleted member 13227]

This is maybe a dumb question, but why do you need scalpel for SN?

 

[gentleflower]

My plan is to order it for a science fair project. I'm going to create my own poster that looks like a school poster for a science fair. My "project" is going to be how to figure out which meat is contaminated by using SN (it's an absurd idea but if you manipulate someone who doesn't know what SN is, it can work.) It's a lot but it can work definitely

When I read your first post a moment ago, I actually wanted to suggest to tell it was a school research project as well. Chemistry or Biology or something alike

 

[HelensNepenthe]

This is maybe a dumb question, but why do you need scalpel for SN?

Scalpel was a prior method.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hello Love..It breaks my heart to hear of some one so young on this forum. Not to downplay ANYTHING that may be taking place in your life right now but I will say, when I was ur age, I went thru many often trivial things that made me feel like there was no hope in my future, those same issues ended up disappearing as time went on. It's a very confusing time for u right now,due to your youth, but I would implore u,not knowing what ur challenges r, to try n get some help or even talk them out.
This is a safe forum with so much wisdom. Often, esp when we're young, every issue can seem so fatal n permanent. But u will find that those same issues u thought were fatal n permanent, turn out to b so miniscule n very temporary. Trust me..
Talk it out here..we r here for u to help u make sense out of ur life right now n to offer other options..
Plz reconsider. I don't know u but I love u and I am sure that u have ppl around who love u and will b devastated behind this..
Give it more time Sweetie..Ur gonna b ok.. Here for u if u need to talk..

 

[Ghost2211]

My plan is to order it for a science fair project. I'm going to create my own poster that looks like a school poster for a science fair. My "project" is going to be how to figure out which meat is contaminated by using SN (it's an absurd idea but if you manipulate someone who doesn't know what SN is, it can work.) It's a lot but it can work definitely

that's quite clever. That honestly didn't occur to me because I'm surrounded by very science oriented people. For sure though if you're around people that wouldn't make heads or tails of the science that would work beautifully.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Also, I have an 18 yr old nephew and would just pray that if he was feeling so despondent n suicidal, that someone, esp since he is so young, would talk him down from the ledge, so to speak.
U have ur WHOLE life ahead of u n soooo much can change in a matter of seconds..
U could b the next Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, or even the next president. Even if u have a regular job in the future, U have a purpose. Don't give up just yet..

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

that's quite clever. That honestly didn't occur to me because I'm surrounded by very science oriented people. For sure though if you're around people that wouldn't make heads or tails of the science that would work beautifully.

I made papers for the 16th annual "science fair", printed them and now waiting for my mom to get home so I can show her, have her sign and order SN

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Hello Love..It breaks my heart to hear of some one so young on this forum. Not to downplay ANYTHING that may be taking place in your life right now but I will say, when I was ur age, I went thru many often trivial things that made me feel like there was no hope in my future, those same issues ended up disappearing as time went on. It's a very confusing time for u right now,due to your youth, but I would implore u,not knowing what ur challenges r, to try n get some help or even talk them out.
This is a safe forum with so much wisdom. Often, esp when we're young, every issue can seem so fatal n permanent. But u will find that those same issues u thought were fatal n permanent, turn out to b so miniscule n very temporary. Trust me..
Talk it out here..we r here for u to help u make sense out of ur life right now n to offer other options..
Plz reconsider. I don't know u but I love u and I am sure that u have ppl around who love u and will b devastated behind this..
Give it more time Sweetie..Ur gonna b ok.. Here for u if u need to talk..

Thank you for the kind words! Unfortunately I don't have much time. I'm not one who likes to open up to people and even if I did, I don't think there is something you can do. I've tried getting help for many resources but I guess I'm just destined to die. Buts that's ok! Again, Your warm compliments is amazing and thank you for it

 

[Lostandfound7]

Sure Love! Anytime! Can I ask y you say u don't have much time? U said u don't think there is anything I can do..Try me..

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Sure Love! Anytime! Can I ask y you say u don't have much time? U said u don't think there is anything I can do..Try me..

As much as I love your optimistic personality, I got over the flattering and sweetness of the "don't do it" talks. This isn't my first rodeo, I tried to commit suicide once before and from the knowledge I've gotten from being broken over the years, after getting help, I'm really am fine and confident when I say I want to CTB at a young age. It's best for me.

 

[shadowchaser]

Hey, I have a small suggestion if you don't mind: I think it might be a good idea to try to keep your parents as uninvolved as possible in this whole process of buying sn. I can't imagine how devastated they'd be if they knew they played a big part in helping buy what would end your life.
Other than that I apologize that I'm not much help with the topic. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things have come to this point. If you have made up your mind then I can only wish you peace, but if there is even the slightest chance you might reconsider, please do.
Ctb is so permanent, and it will be just as permanent whether it happens today or years from now. I don't know how much comfort this will be, but that permanence is always waiting for you no matter when you decide to join it. There is absolutely no harm in taking your time.
Sending you hugs <3 My pms are always open if you need someone to vent to or chat

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Hey, I have a small suggestion if you don't mind: I think it might be a good idea to try to keep your parents as uninvolved as possible in this whole process of buying sn. I can't imagine how devastated they'd be if they knew they played a big part in helping buy what would end your life.
Other than that I apologize that I'm not much help with the topic. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things have come to this point. If you have made up your mind then I can only wish you peace, but if there is even the slightest chance you might reconsider, please do.
Ctb is so permanent, and it will be just as permanent whether it happens today or years from now. I don't know how much comfort this will be, but that permanence is always waiting for you no matter when you decide to join it. There is absolutely no harm in taking your time.
Sending you hugs <3 My pms are always open if you need someone to vent to or chat

No no you're 100% right. It's going to be devastating and I'm trying to minimize the pain. Unfortunately I already ordered the SN and tricked my parents to get it for me. The damage has already been done. I am not going to rush anything. I'm gonna take my time and once I have my method, I'm going to spend my final moments with my friends and family to let them know I love them. I'm sorry but unfortunately I'm very committed to doing this since ive been suicidal for too long, it's time for me to go (:

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

No no you're 100% right. It's going to be devastating and I'm trying to minimize the pain. Unfortunately I already ordered the SN and tricked my parents to get it for me. The damage has already been done. I am not going to rush anything. I'm gonna take my time and once I have my method, I'm going to spend my final moments with my friends and family to let them know I love them. I'm sorry but unfortunately I'm very committed to doing this since ive been suicidal for too long, it's time for me to go (:

I'd still pick a different route now that they're tied to this. You'll solve your problems but you'll start theirs.

 

[Lostandfound7]

No no you're 100% right. It's going to be devastating and I'm trying to minimize the pain. Unfortunately I already ordered the SN and tricked my parents to get it for me. The damage has already been done. I am not going to rush anything. I'm gonna take my time and once I have my method, I'm going to spend my final moments with my friends and family to let them know I love them. I'm sorry but unfortunately I'm very committed to doing this since ive been suicidal for too long, it's time for me to go (:

I hear u and wish u all the best in ur decision..However, I must say, them knowing they played a part (procuring the poison unknowingly) in u taking ur life is going to b a devastating blow for them....That was a bad trick babe..

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I hear u and wish u all the best in ur decision..However, I must say, them knowing they played a part (procuring the poison unknowingly) in u taking ur life is going to b a devastating blow for them....That was a bad trick babe..

I know ): ugh I should have known better. When I realized it started to hurt ALOT. I don't want to get it to my head a lot because I have no other choice. SN is the first method that can possibly work for me, I have nothing else. It's the first and only method I can obtain (so far). The damage has already been done and I just can't let go of what I did no matter how much it hurts me. I wish I didn't but I have no other choice

 

[Lostandfound7]

No damage has been done yet, but I hear u n respect ur decision.. Sending love

 

[Mariuski]

Hi I wonder if you got your SN by now. If you can share prv the vendor website.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

This is maybe a dumb question, but why do you need scalpel for SN?

I'm sorry to OP for being off topic but your icon is killing me. A fucking mood tbh.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm sorry to OP for being off topic but your icon is killing me. A fucking mood tbh.

Yeah, tbh I have to ignore the OP because of the avatar, and it's unfortunate because sometimes I really want to read what s/he has to say. But I can't control others, only me, so I ignore because the avatar is -- no pun intended -- triggering, and violent. I feel attacked by it whenever I accidentally come across it like I did just now, following another's post. I appreciate that you spoke up, @Mustkeyknow.

Not hating on or ganging up on you, @HorribleFeelings1. It's your right to do what you want, but I do miss out on seeing your posts, and you might miss out on some good input if others are also ignoring because of the avatar.

(<---- pls don't shoot! )

 

[SJB]

So I recently ordered a scalpel for my method to CTB, which is exsanguination but I hate how painful scalpels are to a real knife, it feels like a piece of paper slicing your skin and I hate that feeling, however if I use a knife then it would be way harder since scalpels cut your skin like scissors cutting paper, it's so strong and powerful but yet so painful. Till then I postponed my method exsanguination, however I tend to do more research on it and still try to find better ways to bleed out, like get drunk and numb the pain.

while doing research on exsanguination, I hate the fact that I'm doing such a risky method and painful but I like the method a lot. I just want a method so I can finally stop hurting every single day. I'm going to order SN from amazon for 10$, purity is 99.6, 4 ounces which is 113 grams. I'm going to follow stans guide along with more research to make sure I know what I'm doing and what I'm dealing with.The problem comes with ordering SN.

I live with my family still since I'm still 18 (gonna turn 19 this July) When ordering my scalpel, I had to make up the lie that I needed to bring in a scalpel in my biology class for a dissecting for extra credit. But my mom checks what my family orders, like I came home with my scalpel package opened by my mom. I need a good excuse to tell her why I'm ordering or when she finds it. I'm afraid she's gonna think it's for drugs since she is very very strict with my family doing drugs. Thank you for your time :)

What is SN? Sodium Nitride?
If you are using a scapel, go to a pharmacy and buy EMLA cream. It's available without a prescription, and it numbs the skin. Surgeons and some doctors like dermatologists use it before cutting into the skin. It works very well as long as you follow the instructions.