Does anyone have thoughts on the following? I am choosing between 3 options for my next medication:
Option 1: olanzapine+fluoextine - there are some great reviews, but I am scared of gaining lots of weight and withdrawals sound so hideous. People have been telling me it isn't always that bad...I'm worried I will be sedated and zombie like and the effects will be permanent, like permanent insomnia can be a withdrawal effect etc...
Option 2: Wellbrutin/Lexapro - this seems like a good combo. If the side effects are horrible I think it is easier to come off than the Olanzapine/fluoextine. It says it helps maybe 50% of people to get remission
Option 3: Lamictal - there are some miracle reviews for depression for this online. I guess this could also be added to option 2.
Background info:
The first option is prescribed by a psychiatrist but I am nervous of it as it feels irreversible. I don't like or trust psychiatrists and would rather have a choice of medication. But if I do take my own choice of medication and get terrible side effects, I'll be blamed for it. But if I take their medication and get huge weight gain and worse depression, permanent insomnia etc. I will have to live with it....Is this pathetic? I know lots of people take this medication...
No working diagnosis. Let's say anxiety/depression or bipolar depression if that exists. When I was younger I had weird crushes on people alongside the depression and would be reacting to things internally but faking it on the outside - always anxious/agitated but faking it. I think that is some kind of autism maybe, I never felt connected to people and didn't understand small talk. Also childhood trauma. Then I think the trauma led me to believe in a load of new age stuff which at the time was real, and now I don't believe in anymore. At the moment SI and agitated all day long, really grumpy and not social, not able to get out of bed without edibles. Crying and calling suicide hotlines. Can't afford edibles and they make me somewhat mad. Think about CTB all day every day and no quality of life.
I wonder if I'm mad but say option 2 makes me happier, will I be more mad. I'm sorry for using the word mad, but looking back on my life now I am trying to come to terms with how much of it has been me being mad...So does option 1 make me less mad. I thikn the main thing I want is not to feel suicidal all the time and to be able to get out of bed and function. If I could laugh that would be amazing. I haven't laughed for years.
I know they will all have side effects and I am a big wuss. I just hate the idea of extra agitation, insomnia, constipation or the reverse. I know that's all part of trying these things and am kind of sticking with this so I don't upset people by CTB, but I am also going to have my CTB at the ready before I start any new med. My worst fear is being bedridden without the means to CTB.
Option 1: olanzapine+fluoextine - there are some great reviews, but I am scared of gaining lots of weight and withdrawals sound so hideous. People have been telling me it isn't always that bad...I'm worried I will be sedated and zombie like and the effects will be permanent, like permanent insomnia can be a withdrawal effect etc...
Option 2: Wellbrutin/Lexapro - this seems like a good combo. If the side effects are horrible I think it is easier to come off than the Olanzapine/fluoextine. It says it helps maybe 50% of people to get remission
Option 3: Lamictal - there are some miracle reviews for depression for this online. I guess this could also be added to option 2.
Background info:
The first option is prescribed by a psychiatrist but I am nervous of it as it feels irreversible. I don't like or trust psychiatrists and would rather have a choice of medication. But if I do take my own choice of medication and get terrible side effects, I'll be blamed for it. But if I take their medication and get huge weight gain and worse depression, permanent insomnia etc. I will have to live with it....Is this pathetic? I know lots of people take this medication...
No working diagnosis. Let's say anxiety/depression or bipolar depression if that exists. When I was younger I had weird crushes on people alongside the depression and would be reacting to things internally but faking it on the outside - always anxious/agitated but faking it. I think that is some kind of autism maybe, I never felt connected to people and didn't understand small talk. Also childhood trauma. Then I think the trauma led me to believe in a load of new age stuff which at the time was real, and now I don't believe in anymore. At the moment SI and agitated all day long, really grumpy and not social, not able to get out of bed without edibles. Crying and calling suicide hotlines. Can't afford edibles and they make me somewhat mad. Think about CTB all day every day and no quality of life.
I wonder if I'm mad but say option 2 makes me happier, will I be more mad. I'm sorry for using the word mad, but looking back on my life now I am trying to come to terms with how much of it has been me being mad...So does option 1 make me less mad. I thikn the main thing I want is not to feel suicidal all the time and to be able to get out of bed and function. If I could laugh that would be amazing. I haven't laughed for years.
I know they will all have side effects and I am a big wuss. I just hate the idea of extra agitation, insomnia, constipation or the reverse. I know that's all part of trying these things and am kind of sticking with this so I don't upset people by CTB, but I am also going to have my CTB at the ready before I start any new med. My worst fear is being bedridden without the means to CTB.
