Discussion People's hypocrite concern

[Feelingsruiner]

Ain't it funny how people just ignore you -or even avoid you (because sadness is contagious and "oh let's remove that negativity from our lives")- when you are suffering? You are still alive, that's all they need to know to feel good about themselves, they don't worry, don't try to understand/support/help.
But when all of a sudden you give no news or have a NDE they just come at you super mad?
Like you owe them your life somehow..? "Come on just be miserable, who cares, but stay alive".
Yes that's a lot of generalities sorry. But I feel like most people are like that. That weird fake looking concern that only comes out in the wrong moment and as anger.
What do you think?
Humans are fascinating.

 

[noctiva]

I hear you @Feelingsruiner. I've lost my best friend due to that. I first lost my family, my partner told me he needed space, he needed to heal, he needs to be released from all relationship expectations, but I'm wonderful and maybe... but he needs to think. I, by extension, lost my whole family, the 4 kids (biologically not mine), his mom whom he confirmed to that he was loosely considering marriage, 1 week before that.
I could not deal, I could not cope. I talked with my friend, crying, and she would listen and then tell me to 'get over it', 'work it out', 'there are 3 billion men, pick a new one'.. After 2 weeks she messaged me, saying that she needs to stop being my friend because I'm dumping negativity on her, because I'm not willing to move on already, that she needs to think of her mental health (which I do understand, I just want to say that). But the message was: Suffer in silence, contact me when you're fun again. So, I had no one to talk to. Which of course did not lead to me getting 'better' at all. It made my mental health spiral down faster and faster, I had no one to even attempt to catch me, to help me. No one listened to figure out what went wrong, how I could fix it, no one cared.
She asked me a week ago how I'm doing and I told her honestly that I am considering to end my life. At which point I was called selfish, stupid, weak... (she herself actually attempted suicide in the more or less recent past).
Making peace with your own suicide doesn't mean that you have made peace with other people killing themselves. Even that distinction needs to be made.

 

[SlackJim]

Yeah I can understand why people would want distance from people who are low all the time, because it can be infectious, and you have to give yourself boundaries. But to then, like you say, get mad or suddenly show interest when you are in a crisis, feels like a stab in the back. This happened to me most significantly with my dad who suddenly showed an interest in my life after a near attempt.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Oh yeah
When I jumped for the first timeand was in the hospital for 3 months with numb, violet legs, pneumonia and a busted back, my family suddenly came to bring me warm meals and assure me that they love me! And acted like they give a flying fuck about my life, and got all pissy because how dare I kill myself, thats so selfish, how do you expect us to cope?
And then after I was dischargedthey locked me in my room and took away the key to prevent me from doing it again and everything went back to normal
Every. Single. Time. With everyone. Im selfish, they need space, I want attention, and Ineed to get over it. And the worst was the woman who told me off for being suicidal 3 days after almostburning her hand off trying to electrocute herself. Lmao, the hypocrisy.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Humans are fascinating.

Agreed. Which is why so many of us stop talking about it with others.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Ain't it funny how people just ignore you -or even avoid you (because sadness is contagious and "oh let's remove that negativity from our lives")- when you are suffering? You are still alive, that's all they need to know to feel good about themselves, they don't worry, don't try to understand/support/help.
But when all of a sudden you give no news or have a NDE they just come at you super mad?
Like you owe them your life somehow..? "Come on just be miserable, who cares, but stay alive".
Yes that's a lot of generalities sorry. But I feel like most people are like that. That weird fake looking concern that only comes out in the wrong moment and as anger.
What do you think?
Humans are fascinating.

yumh d

Ain't it funny how people just ignore you -or even avoid you (because sadness is contagious and "oh let's remove that negativity from our lives")- when you are suffering? You are still alive, that's all they need to know to feel good about themselves, they don't worry, don't try to understand/support/help.
But when all of a sudden you give no news or have a NDE they just come at you super mad?
Like you owe them your life somehow..? "Come on just be miserable, who cares, but stay alive".
Yes that's a lot of generalities sorry. But I feel like most people are like that. That weird fake looking concern that only comes out in the wrong moment and as anger.
What do you think?
Humans are fascinating.

That's like people that took my sn- scream and shout my face for wanting to end my life- that say all the mean things that can- total character assination of me and all that I say and the proceed to literally ignore me almost 100% my dad won't even look at me or speak to me at all- don't they realise that is treatment is destroying me and breaking my heart - and it was being treated like this atleast in part that makes me want to ctb in the first place! If they loath me so much- which by their actions is SO glaringly obvious- why won't they let me die - instead they want to watch me suffer - while sit around - chat and laugh whilst I am in tears as they ignore me- or occasional speak to me with disgust in their tone. And then wonder why I am such a damaged person?! Wtf?

Yeah I can understand why people would want distance from people who are low all the time, because it can be infectious, and you have to give yourself boundaries. But to then, like you say, get mad or suddenly show interest when you are in a crisis, feels like a stab in the back. This happened to me most significantly with my dad who suddenly showed an interest in my life after a near attempt.

Same- although he didn't want to show an interest but was forced into it by all my friends and doctors making contact so he had too- he still won't speak to me or look at my face at all- and then wonder why I want to end my life ?!! Because it has no value to him and never has. And the other parent too. Same thing.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah, I feel ya. I experienced similar things with people. It's paradoxical that people don't like to be around negative people, yet at the same time they want them to open up. It's like they want to help, but yet they don't want to help. It is indeed hypocritical at least in the most simplest terms. As a result, I have just learned to put on a mask/face (the best that I can) and just avoid the topic because there is no winning in the situation. Call them out on their bullshit, they get mad, an argument ensues, and things just worsen over time, be too transparent and they take advantage of being the 'hero' just so they don't feel bad about themselves. They don't give a shit about what really happens to a person, only that the person is 'alive' and as far as the person being miserable, then they write it off as the person choosing to be miserable. Fuck society and most people, I've just avoided them as much as possible nowadays unless I need to interact (work, responsibilities, house duties, etc.).

 

[WhiteDespair]

Showing an interest after a fail is actually pretty good. It might snap some people into realzing that you're not doing too well. Now, if they continue the interest that's another story. That's when you know you have a good guy on your hands.

Part of this is that humans have a tendency to think things will
Showing an interest after a fail is actually pretty good. It might snap some people into realzing that you're not doing too well. Now, if they continue the interest that's another story. That's when you know you have a good guy on your hands.

Part of this is that humans have a tendency to think things will always be the same. It's like passing a restaurant on your way home. You keep telling yourself that you'll eat there someday. Then, boom!, the place closes.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

That's like people that took my sn- scream and shout my face for wanting to end my life- that say all the mean things that can- total character assination of me and all that I say and the proceed to literally ignore me almost 100% my dad won't even look at me or speak to me at all- don't they realise that is treatment is destroying me and breaking my heart - and it was being treated like this atleast in part that makes me want to ctb in the first place!

IKR?! Humans are the galactic masters of rationalizations. :/