Help People who've ran away from home, may you help me, please?

[budgie]

Hey guys,

Long story short I'm in a dire need of advice from people who've ran away from home and went NC at some point in their life. Granted in my case it's not going to be running, but simply moving because I'm 23, a child adult so to say.
I'm being psychologically and emotionally abused daily, I live with severely traumatised people who haven't a clue that they are, my grandma is terrorising everyone by making us live with 4 cats, there are fleas all over the apartment and I am constantly being bitten by them, my legs are covered in red spots from the fleas. I confronted her but she told me that she would never give them away, nobody cares that I'm covered in fleas. Almost constantly I get threats that I'm going to get kicked out and I don't know if I'm thick or not but I don't find it funny, when everyone else is laughing at that. I don't have a safe place, I cannot place any boundaries. I'm being psychologically manipulated by my oldest grandma, because she is co-dependent and she is unhealthily obsessed with me, saying that she cannot live without me being near her.
Soon, hopefully, I'm getting admitted to a hospital because I have health issues since I was young, I'm very neglected in that sence. I need to have colon surgery done because it's not functioning properly, I'm quite sure it's from the years of stress, I have a tendency to suck my stomach in in stressful situations, those are happening daily in my house.

I cannot continue to live this life any longer to be fair, I consider myself quite strong, even if I weight 60 kilos haha. I haven't much possessions, I haven't much money, 1000 euros max I think.

Can I please have some sort of advice from anyone, I'm very close to hurting myself, in revenge and in ending it all. I really don't want but I don't have a choice I think.

Thank you.

 

[Poptart]

Im so sorry youre in this situation. Its very hard.

I ran away from home at 19.

I had 1000 dollars on me. The first thing I did was phone interviews in my new city. After I had a job offer, I put a down payment on a cheap apartment along with 2 friends.

IF I didnt have 2 friends to move in with, I would have looked online for rooms to rent. Its a lot harder if youre alone though.

After securing the apartment we had no money for food. We lived on soup cans and the food bank. This only lasted a little while until we all had savings.

A job is priority 1- finding rooms or apartments to live in should be close behind.

Youll have to be brave but you can do it.

PM me if you have any extra questions or want to talk.

 

[budgie]

Thank you for reaching out.

Indeed, it's hard. I'm very scared, but the constant abuse I endure in this home is not worth the secure roof under my head. The people who brought me to this world took everything away from me, my health, my sanity, and if I hurt myself, the arm that is going to do it will be mine, but the people controlling it will be my family.

I've looked for some cheap one-room apartments, the good thing is that they are relatively cheap (~112$ converted from my currency), food isn't that expensive either, my diet is restricted and I try to eat only simple meals.

But the thing I'm most scared of is finding a job - this might sound like I am too pretentious but I am afraid of jobs, I can work, everyone who knows me tells me that I am very hardworking, but my last job wounded my body from the stress, the amount of stress I endure in a job is not worth living and it exacerbates my illnesses. I'm going to search for something simple and peaceful ( I've worked as a bartender where it's excruciating and as a pizza cook, manual labor that I am not afraid of, but I am really afraid of the amount of stress). Hopefully, soon I'll be able to take my only beautiful thing in this world ( my pet ) and leave this horrible place once and for all.

I am somewhat co-dependent ( I really hate that ) and I can't imagine myself away from my family ( even if they are abusers ). That's totally normal for the abuse I endured though, but yet again it adds to the Mount O' Stress ( where my stresses live )

 

[pickajack]

Hi @budgie , how are things working out? Sending you courage.

 

[acondiva]

Thank you for reaching out.

Indeed, it's hard. I'm very scared, but the constant abuse I endure in this home is not worth the secure roof under my head. The people who brought me to this world took everything away from me, my health, my sanity, and if I hurt myself, the arm that is going to do it will be mine, but the people controlling it will be my family.

I've looked for some cheap one-room apartments, the good thing is that they are relatively cheap (~112$ converted from my currency), food isn't that expensive either, my diet is restricted and I try to eat only simple meals.

But the thing I'm most scared of is finding a job - this might sound like I am too pretentious but I am afraid of jobs, I can work, everyone who knows me tells me that I am very hardworking, but my last job wounded my body from the stress, the amount of stress I endure in a job is not worth living and it exacerbates my illnesses. I'm going to search for something simple and peaceful ( I've worked as a bartender where it's excruciating and as a pizza cook, manual labor that I am not afraid of, but I am really afraid of the amount of stress). Hopefully, soon I'll be able to take my only beautiful thing in this world ( my pet ) and leave this horrible place once and for all.

I am somewhat co-dependent ( I really hate that ) and I can't imagine myself away from my family ( even if they are abusers ). That's totally normal for the abuse I endured though, but yet again it adds to the Mount O' Stress ( where my stresses live )

Are there friends you might be able to bunk with in exchange for cooking and household help?

 

[budgie]

I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. My illness has been sabotaging me hard these past days. I was really close to going to the ER two days ago but I endured. How long I'm going to endure this pointless pain, that was caused by the people around me and this pointless existence, I really don't know.

I hope not long.