Venting People underestimate how painful boredom is

[DyingToDie123]

Probably not a surprise that I'm bored given how much forum space I eat, sorry y'all

I'm in grad school and have an internship. They're both slow af at the moment, I technically have an exam tomorrow but I have no reason to study for it because it's grad school and my grades don't matter. My "friends" won't/don't talk to me. I don't get joy out of anything. I can't fucking sleep and when I do I get nightmares about going to jail and psych wards. What am I supposed to do with all of this time?

Waiting for my rope and anchor to come in for partial (SN stressed me out too much). It's agonizing, really. I could just do it now if I hadn't been so adamant about the bridge.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I'm out of touch and out of time, despite being a relatively young man. I can relate with people. Always on the peripheral. Sleep doesn't provide relief, nor does awakeness. I was dealing with it in the worst possibly ways, but it's always there.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

What am I supposed to do with all of this time?

Find ways to make more money/find a hobby/read a book.
Check out this website: https://upmovies.to it has every movie like pretty much ever, no spam popups either and you don't need a account

 

[freedompass]

I heavily relate OP. Boredom to me is worse than loneliness. I don't think it's about finding stuff to do. It goes deeper than that. I am very disengaged from life. There is a finite amount of media content I'm able to consume. People are a distraction but I don't have many in my life. I also have no job being on disability for mental health. Essentially I'm only marking time, unable to bring myself to ctb. But it's no good complaining, no one has empathy or sympathy for the terminally bored. They will always make 'helpful' suggestions and imply it's a moral failing to be bored.

 

[silligant]

I find it easy personally to kill big swaths of time playing video games, you could try that; there's tons and tons of kinds out there

 

[Daughter of Sorrow]

So, while you're waiting, do something that you would never do. If you're planning on CTB soon, then I would advise you to do something crazy, just to see how it feels. Obviously, whatever you're doing now sucks. I wouldn't want to encourage others to break the law, but one night I went down the highway as fast as I could, just to see. If you have transportation go somewhere you've never been. Have you ever shot a machine gun? It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on. Skydiving. Some people like drugs.

Look, if it's all going to be over soon, I say make the best of what you have left, and check some items off the bucket list. It's what I would do.

 

[DyingToDie123]

Find ways to make more money/find a hobby/read a book.
Check out this website: https://upmovies.to it has every movie like pretty much ever, no spam popups either and you don't need a account

Thanks. Making more money feels pointless though given I hope to ctb in the next week or so (though I've been saying that forever so maybe I should just assume it's not going to happen). I've had a hard time focusing on movies and books, I can't really get into fiction and I think I'm burnt out on/skeptical of nonfiction. (I'm also a grad student lol) I used to do some running and weight lifting and climbing when I was well and arts and crafts when I was in residential treatment but the former has been ruined by injuries and expenses and the latter I just get bored of now. I don't know, nothing really feels worth it to me anymore.

I find it easy personally to kill big swaths of time playing video games, you could try that; there's tons and tons of kinds out there

Thanks, same deal as the fiction comment above though, just never really been able to get into them. My friends "friends" (lots has happened in the last year lol) bought me a Switch a year ago exactly to distract me from my depression and I find that it just makes my life feel more pointless. And I give up to easily on most games. The slightest bit of difficulty makes me feel incompetent and stressed in a not so fun way.

So, while you're waiting, do something that you would never do. If you're planning on CTB soon, then I would advise you to do something crazy, just to see how it feels. Obviously, whatever you're doing now sucks. I wouldn't want to encourage others to break the law, but one night I went down the highway as fast as I could, just to see. If you have transportation go somewhere you've never been. Have you ever shot a machine gun? It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on. Skydiving. Some people like drugs.

Look, if it's all going to be over soon, I say make the best of what you have left, and check some items off the bucket list. It's what I would do.

I like these ideas. Legality scares me a lot though with drugs (though mushrooms are decriminalized at the town over and I've never tried them, but I'm probably esp prone to bad trips given my headspace). I've never had a desire to shoot a machine gun lol and legally can't (history of involuntary hospitalization + restraining order) but to each their own. Skydiving sounds not fun at all though maybe good for getting over SI for a jump. But that and travel are expensive, I can pay for it with credit cards that my family would have to pay off after my death but that feels unethical even if I feel like they've fucked me over.

I heavily relate OP. Boredom to me is worse than loneliness. I don't think it's about finding stuff to do. It goes deeper than that. I am very disengaged from life. There is a finite amount of media content I'm able to consume. People are a distraction but I don't have many in my life. I also have no job being on disability for mental health. Essentially I'm only marking time, unable to bring myself to ctb. But it's no good complaining, no one has empathy or sympathy for the terminally bored. They will always make 'helpful' suggestions and imply it's a moral failing to be bored.

I feel ya. There's a superficial boredom (the same genre you get in a psych ward) where you don't have access to anything to do that'd be interesting, but I think what you're describing and I'm experiencing are basically anhedonia. When I got out of residential and lost my job and my best friend I didn't want to do anything but lay in bed all day. I had all the time in the world for hobbies and people told me they were jealous of me, heck a past version of me who struggled with workaholism and burnout would have loved that. But I think it was the worst time in my life. I just can't engage in anything that doesn't have a greater purpose and I don't believe anything really has that like I used to.

 

[Daughter of Sorrow]

I like these ideas. Legality scares me a lot though with drugs (though mushrooms are decriminalized at the town over and I've never tried them, but I'm probably esp prone to bad trips given my headspace). I've never had a desire to shoot a machine gun lol and legally can't (history of involuntary hospitalization + restraining order) but to each their own. Skydiving sounds not fun at all though maybe good for getting over SI for a jump. But that and travel are expensive, I can pay for it with credit cards that my family would have to pay off after my death but that feels unethical even if I feel like they've fucked me over.

I've had a psychaiatrist tell me, a depressed, wanting to die person, that if I was ever going to try one drug, it should be shrooms. If I lived in a place where they were easy to get legally, I would be all about that. I applaud your ethics with finances and not wanting to leave that burden, though. I hope you find something to help.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I've had a psychaiatrist tell me, a depressed, wanting to die person, that if I was ever going to try one drug, it should be shrooms. If I lived in a place where they were easy to get legally, I would be all about that. I applaud your ethics with finances and not wanting to leave that burden, though. I hope you find something to help.

Interesting! They're also expensive and effort (they don't have storefronts for them and I don't have an address they can deliver to) but I think you're right here, I should try before I go. Might try to get some tomorrow :)

 

[Daughter of Sorrow]

Interesting! They're also expensive and effort (they don't have storefronts for them and I don't have an address they can deliver to) but I think you're right here, I should try before I go. Might try to get some tomorrow :)

Let me know how it turns out for you! See if I need to schedule a trip to Denver to try them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's dreadful and torturous feeling trapped in this existence, in my opinion sleeping is the best way to pass time but it's cruel how it's not even always straightforward to fall asleep. I hate how we cannot easily just choose to sleep eternally.