Venting People in my Life

[Hiraeth]

there are people in my life that i trust and confide in about being suicidal.
they always tell me the same thing
"no! you're loved/important/a good friend ans you shouldn't think like that! i can't imagine life without you" or something along those lines.
they'll never understand. i hate waking up in the morning. i wish my heart would stop while i sleep. i can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. i can't stand even touching my own skin or body when i'm getting dressed. no medication works right. i want to be normal, not numb. i don't want to wake up in pain anymore. i don't want to talk to people. i don't want to see people. i don't want to do anything.
it's so much more than "just feeling down"
it's so much more than an "i love you" or an "i care about you" will fix.
they don't understand.
it breaks my heart.

 

[Dani Paradox]

You can't expect people to understand, unfortunately. It's a difficult thing to have to face... *hugs*

 

[onewayroad]

Someone else posted this quote on here a little while back.

"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

― David Foster Wallace

 

[longingforrelease]

I no longer expect people who do not have our experiences with the kinds of pain and suffering that bring us here to understand us. I'm not even all that bothered by many pro-lifers and their often empty platitudes because I now believe you simply have to have some personal experience with the kind of pain and suffering the people here endure to begin to comprehend how we now approach questions of life and death. And the reality is that despite how badly many of us us feel about ourselves, it's probably true that we are important to others and that they probably do value what we bring into their lives. The depth of our self-loathing may make it impossible for us to believe that, but my guess is that it's probably the case. Just take a look at what people are saying today about Schopenhauer who sadly left us yesterday if you want to see what kind of positive impact people like us can have on others.
peace to your friend. You deserve it.

 

[Whiskeyjames]

Yeah I get that feeling I only shared with one friend. But I guess that's already good enough, aganoy is not always lonely but lonely won't make it worst isn't it?

 

[TiredHorse]

I knew my best friend understood when I looked at her and said, "I have to leave!" and she, almost in tears, looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know. I see that now. I'm so sorry!" She does not want me to die, but she understands I am seeking that route and is not hindering me or pleading her own case for me to stay. Hers is palliative friendship, and it means the world to me. I have one other friend who is the same way, and has even offered to be the one who finds my body and calls in the coroner. Two people who really understand. I am blessed --but as Onewayroad posted, the flames are just too high.

But the rest of my acquaintences? @Hiraeth has it right. I don't tell them. It's easier.

Another quote: "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."

 

[Xerxes]

I don't tell anyone because I'll usually hear the same stuff. I've programmed myself to have a happy face around society and just smile and say I'm fine. When in reality I'm so far from normal, I think I live a double-life. A former roommate once told me that really stuck with me, "No one cares about your problems, only theirs." Normal people lack energy and empathetic people run out of energy. All I have is my wife and she's the optimistic, everything is rosy, kind of person.

I guess she thought I was the same because she found the fake me, instead of the normal me which is behind the mask.