Help people diagnosed with OCD, can you help me by telling me if you experience these symptoms?

[loslassen]

quite a random post compared to my usual postings, I know this is the suicide discussion section, and I know the question might come across as outlandish but let me explain.

I've been heavily suspecting I might suffer from ocd, but I am unable to get a diagnosis, I will not use the information or shared experiences I get from this thread irresponsibly, I will not self diagnose or spread any unrevised or unsupported/unsourced claims, I am well aware that superstition and suggestion partake greatly in how own views oneself, but I pm just trying to connect, understand, I want to use these answers to take some insight into myself and know a little bit more about what i'm going through and how others' perspectives can resonate with me, in short, im just looking for some answers.

I never consumed real life gore media, but I have seen some, and I'm glad to say i'm not desensitized from it so yes, it scares me and makes me incredibly uncomfortable and grossed out knowing that is a real sentient person who felt pain, timelessly captured in a video.

I am also very conscious of the differences between reality and fiction, gorey content has never enticed or scared me in movies or shows, never given me nightmares or anything alike, but recently, even though I haven't really watched anything of that nature in a while i've been feeling incredibly random violent urges or having violent flashing thoughts towards the people I love the most :( it's really scary and painful because it's just random, I don't imagine the consequences, and can't begin to imagine myself in the situation harming them, so I know I am not capable of that, but the mere thought coming across randomly makes me want to throw up.

why does this happen? I can't find anything sensible or understandable enough in the internet, and I suspect it may have to do with undiagnosed OCD I might be experiencing.

… do you experience this? how do you cope with it?

also, if you want to share personal experiences, how has this affected, increased or decreased your suicidal ideation?
for me it hasn't made much change, i haven't felt intrusive towards myself to a point to where it has genuinely affected me or my mental health.

(of course, there is a collection of other symptoms that i will list below that have made me believe I might have OCD, which has made it difficult to get through life. /you can skip this but just to inform there's other reasons that have made me suspect/

compulsive lying.
I lie to people confidently about small things, I don't know why I do it but I hate it. For example saying "Oh yeah I watched a movie about it, or I did my research" though I didn't, I remember lying about things when I was a child too, for example "I tried this chocolate called whatever" since I noticed this, I've been able to stop myself and this doesn't happen as often anymore.

repetitive mental speech.
sometimes I will repeat a word or phrase in my mind involuntarily, not like when you're reminding yourself of something you don't want to forget, sometimes I will randomly choose a word I just heard or thought and repeat it in my mind, for example. "whale, whale, whale, whale, wha-le, whale"
it can go on up to an hour and its like a voice in my head, but my own, not a hallucination or anything like that.

anxiety and fixation
I am generally a mentally anxious person, but Im sure this is because of conditioning and trauma, I'm always tense and on edge, specially alert and always making plans and arranging stuff in my mind.

childhood impulsiveness.
im impulsive a lot of the time, I remember biting a kid one time because I couldn't measure my own body and the way it affects others, growing up I also injured myself a lot cause I didn't have enough bodily awareness to calculate not hitting my head on my bunk bed for example, idk.)

 

[Achroma]

hey so i have very similar symptoms to what you described and i also dont have an ocd diagnosis, but i dont think i have ocd either
ive got friends with ocd, one of which i talked to a lot about this years ago, but he never described anything similar to these symptoms
of course it might just be that symptoms vary wildly from one person to another but im really not sure if my issue is ocd
this might not be particularly helpful but i figured itd be better than nothing
i suspect my issue is something else entirely, but i havent looked into it further and also never told my psychiatrist because it felt like not that big of an issue to me, and i also felt kind of silly about it
oh i do have autism though, which might help explain some of these issues. ive gotten that diagnosis quite late in my life too, only after i had already sought help for my various other mental issues, and i didnt believe it at first because i thought autistic people were like,, really weird. but it did make some of my experiences make a lot more sense suddenly.

 

[loslassen]

hey so i have very similar symptoms to what you described and i also dont have an ocd diagnosis, but i dont think i have ocd either
ive got friends with ocd, one of which i talked to a lot about this years ago, but he never described anything similar to these symptoms
of course it might just be that symptoms vary wildly from one person to another but im really not sure if my issue is ocd
this might not be particularly helpful but i figured itd be better than nothing
i suspect my issue is something else entirely, but i havent looked into it further and also never told my psychiatrist because it felt like not that big of an issue to me, and i also felt kind of silly about it
oh i do have autism though, which might help explain some of these issues. ive gotten that diagnosis quite late in my life too, only after i had already sought help for my various other mental issues, and i didnt believe it at first because i thought autistic people were like,, really weird. but it did make some of my experiences make a lot more sense suddenly.

thank you for replying <3