People ask “How are you”?

[dysfunctional]

Annoying question when you're twisted up by terrible mental illness. Never good, please do not ask. My parents ask me this multiple times a day. Often do not respond

 

[Cookiedough8956]

it gets awkward for me, and i hate it too, cause my brain is scrambling on what to say. i'm a bad liar so ..double worse. I just say alright in the end.

 

[lululoo]

I also hate the "how was your weekend? What did you do?" I have certain coworkers who ask me every Monday and I get so uncomfortable. I wish they would notice I have nothing to report and stop asking.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I also hate the "how was your weekend? What did you do?" I have certain coworkers who ask me every Monday and I get so uncomfortable. I wish they would notice I have nothing to report and stop asking.

Maybe they just do it to be nice. That's what i do, just generally ask hows everything, did anything fun, etc. Hm, maybe i should stop ._., I'm feeling like a hypocrite lol.

 

[lululoo]

Maybe they just do it to be nice. That's what i do, just generally ask hows everything, did anything fun, etc. Hm, maybe i should stop ._., I'm feeling like a hypocrite lol.

Oh definitely they are just being nice! I realize I shouldn't complain about it. I just feel very awkward either saying "nothing" or inventing fake things I did. So I hate it. But I understand it is a common question and most people are ok with it.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Oh definitely they are just being nice! I realize I shouldn't complain about it. I just feel very awkward either saying "nothing" or inventing fake things I did. So I hate it. But I understand it is a common question and most people are ok with it.

Yea I know what u mean by the whole feeling awkward! Like i mentioned earlier, i'm a terrible liar, so ifeel like they see right thru it too lol

 

[Redt2go]

Oh definitely they are just being nice! I realize I shouldn't complain about it. I just feel very awkward either saying "nothing" or inventing fake things I did. So I hate it. But I understand it is a common question and most people are ok with it.

I've started lying too lol. For example this weekend I'm going to the beach with some friends for college spring break... It's easier to lie than to deal with people's pity and concerns... I guess I'm sort of ashamed to be this lonely at my age. Literally so close to all my peers

 

[lululoo]

I've started lying too lol. For example this weekend I'm going to the beach with some friends for college spring break... It's easier to lie than to deal with people's pity and concerns...

Yeah lying is the way to go. I have an irrational fear that people will figure me out or ask probing questions that expose the lie. But that's just paranoid.

 

[Redt2go]

Yeah lying is the way to go. I have an irrational fear that people will figure me out or ask probing questions that expose the lie. But that's just paranoid.

I think my parents see through it... They've started asking for my friends names lol

 

[lululoo]

I think my parents see through it... They've started asking for my friends names lol

Haha oh boy. Yeah lying to family or friends is harder.

 

[Redt2go]

Appropriate for title

 

[I am ___________]

It is probably better to lie especially if you know your actions and responses are being watched. In my case I have distanced myself from others and when someone asks me that question I just simply ignore it. In a way it pisses me off but I know that generally they are just curious or probably concerned. I just can't trust others....

 

[ron_g]

You can tell them asking you how you are doing makes you worse.

 

[Psilo]

The kind of stupid question to ask when you greet somebody you know is depressed. But it wouldn't be cool to tell the truth:
Oh hey, I feel like crap, how 'bout you?

 

[odette]

When I ask people this, I want an honest answer. I hate that it's just a greeting and we're all supposed to lie and say it's fine.

 

[DivorceIsMyWhy]

When I ask people this, I want an honest answer. I hate that it's just a greeting and we're all supposed to lie and say it's fine.

I'll second that.

Somewhere along the development of psychology, societal norms distorted the application of Positive Mental Attitude (a/k/a PMA). I guarantee many people on this forum will sneer at the mention of that term.

When PMA becomes a "mask" to fit into societal norms, people essentially place higher priority on:

- being liked
- being accepted
- meaningless daily interaction
- hiding their emotions
- being lazy in their relationships

And lower priority on:

- compassion
- active expression
- active listening
- meaningfully relating to one another

And I'm guilty of it. Have mercy.

There are significant disincentives for being anything less than fake-happy in today's system of society's norms. At work, socially, etc.

Fake-happy people are more likely to:

- Get promotions
- Go on first dates
- Make new friends

(Fake happiness 'til you are happy, right?)

However, the flip side is: misery loves company. This is frequently perceived as dissent, which threatens groups (particularly at work). As long as it's constructive, it's a-okay in my book.

Emotional authenticity can make people very uncomfortable. You see it when you say "I feel like #%^" and the so-called listener abruptly ends the conversation as if it's killing his or her positivity buzz. It's easier to simply not acknowledge someone else's pain, it takes less work to process it, and far less work to actually relate to someone having a bad day, week, month, year, decade.

The conversation typically goes like this:

How are ya?
Good.
And you?
Good.

The End

It's all-too-common in everyday life in the U.S. - at the grocery store, church, workplace. But then we tend to let it all out through the anonymity of social media (just like here on SS when there are hundreds of people online at any given moment expressing themselves). It's a symptom of the Modern Societal Condition, and associated with the Human Condition.

A true friend will not only listen when your day is less than happy, but they will ask uncomfortable questions out of compassion if they can sense your pain.

The goal is simple: Be emotionally authentic and reciprocate compassion. That's how to be human in life and at work. And it's unrealistic to be authentic-happy 24/7. Life doesn't work that way.

So @dysfunctional, tell us, how's your day going?

(give yourself permission to be authentic)

 

[dysfunctional]

I'll second that.

Somewhere along the development of psychology, societal norms distorted the application of Positive Mental Attitude (a/k/a PMA). I guarantee many people on this forum will sneer at the mention of that term.

When PMA becomes a "mask" to fit into societal norms, people essentially place higher priority on:

- being liked
- being accepted
- meaningless daily interaction
- hiding their emotions
- being lazy in their relationships

And lower priority on:

- compassion
- active expression
- active listening
- meaningfully relating to one another

And I'm guilty of it. Have mercy.

There are significant disincentives for being anything less than fake-happy in today's system of society's norms. At work, socially, etc.

Fake-happy people are more likely to:

- Get promotions
- Go on first dates
- Make new friends

(Fake happiness 'til you are happy, right?)

However, the flip side is: misery loves company. This is frequently perceived as dissent, which threatens groups (particularly at work). As long as it's constructive, it's a-okay in my book.

Emotional authenticity can make people very uncomfortable. You see it when you say "I feel like #%^" and the so-called listener abruptly ends the conversation as if it's killing his or her positivity buzz. It's easier to simply not acknowledge someone else's pain, it takes less work to process it, and far less work to actually relate to someone having a bad day, week, month, year, decade.

The conversation typically goes like this:

How are ya?
Good.
And you?
Good.

The End

It's all-too-common in everyday life in the U.S. - at the grocery store, church, workplace. But then we tend to let it all out through the anonymity of social media (just like here on SS when there are hundreds of people online at any given moment expressing themselves). It's a symptom of the Modern Societal Condition, and associated with the Human Condition.

A true friend will not only listen when your day is less than happy, but they will ask uncomfortable questions out of compassion if they can sense your pain.

The goal is simple: Be emotionally authentic and reciprocate compassion. That's how to be human in life and at work. And it's unrealistic to authentic-happy 24/7. Life doesn't work that way.

So @dysfunctional, tell us, how's your day going?

(give yourself permission to be authentic)

Thanks for asking, ha. Well, its morning, so I just got reinserted into my miserable reality out of the dreams I had last night. Somehow my dreams have remained fairly pleasurable.
Its a sunny day, which is another painful reminder of how brutal my depressed apathy is. Everyone is will be rejoicing in the sunshine, and doing joyful things outside. But I don't feel it, I'm disconnected from it. Which is painful because I used to feel an incredible connection to nature and the seasons. Its also sunday, so the program I volunteer with is not working, and that's one of the only things that slightly distracts me from the bombardment of negative thoughts I constantly experience. Sooo, yeah.
Also, I know its just a typical part of human interaction to ask this question, I don't hold it against anyone. Usually I lie and say "not too bad". Which feels like less of a lie than "good".

 

[dysfunctional]

I've started lying too lol. For example this weekend I'm going to the beach with some friends for college spring break... It's easier to lie than to deal with people's pity and concerns... I guess I'm sort of ashamed to be this lonely at my age. Literally so close to all my peers

Spring break beach time with friends! Life is great!! Hahah nice one.

 

[21Neberg]

Is there any other answer you can give to the question than 'good'? People aren't waiting in line to hear about my horrible week anyways.

 

[dysfunctional]

Is there any other answer you can give to the question than 'good'? People aren't waiting in line to hear about my horrible week anyways.

Right, its not really a sincere question, which is okay with me. Its just a societal norm. No one really wants to hear how bad things are. I just have honest tendencies and it reminds me how shitty I'm doing.

 

[Circles]

Is there any other answer you can give to the question than 'good'? People aren't waiting in line to hear about my horrible week anyways.

I always say 'Just another day'. It doesn't imply anything is wrong or going well, just meh.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I like giving people a somewhat honest answer. It gives me the opportunity to tell them "you shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer to."
Or sometimes I say "you don't care, so why ask?"
If I ask, I want a genuine answer, but then again I only ask my friends every so often when I know they've had it rough for a while.
I hate feeling obligated to continue this charade of "everything in the world is fine."
I'm also not a huge fan of small talk with strangers, anyways.

 

[Darrenloses]

"are you okay?" really gets under my skin

 

[snowman626]

"are you okay?" really gets under my skin

Like as if im suppose to start crying on their shoulders or something.

 

[snowman626]

Is there any other answer you can give to the question than 'good'? People aren't waiting in line to hear about my horrible week anyways.

I usually just say a quick "alright.." with an unhappy face and a sigh. I think they get the message

 

[spaghetti]

Annoying question when you're twisted up by terrible mental illness. Never good, please do not ask. My parents ask me this multiple times a day. Often do not respond

Do you have any idea how many people would kill to have parents who care for them? This is one of the most ungrateful things I have ever read, and if I were you I would tell my parents how much I respect and like that they ask how I am.
Whenever someone asks me, "How are you?" I really appreciate it and see that, regardless of the specific reason they're asking it, they're doing it because they care. There is nothing tangible to get upset at unless you're reaching.
All you guys need to stop jumping at the opportunity to villianize someone who is just asking a kind question.
Someone made you tell a lie, and reminded you of your state. Big deal.
No echochambers allowed

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Do you have any idea how many people would kill to have parents who care for them? This is one of the most ungrateful things I have ever read, and if I were you I would tell my parents how much I respect and like that they ask how I am.
Whenever someone asks me, "How are you?" I really appreciate it and see that, regardless of the specific reason they're asking it, they're doing it because they care. There is nothing tangible to get upset at unless you're reaching.
All you guys need to stop jumping at the opportunity to villianize someone who is just asking a kind question.
Someone made you tell a lie, and reminded you of your state. Big deal.
No echochambers allowed

Idk about everyone asking is asking bc they care. It's just a general thing most often. "Hi, hru" simple thing. I dont get upset, just get awkard.

But you're right about the parents thing, because I'd love it if my parents would ask, or show that an ounce of care. most often, people who get that take it for granted. My coworker treats her parents like garbage but all day, they are calling and asking how she is and try to make plans. I tell her , shes so lucky but shes like yea, whatever.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Just think of how much they would hate it if you really meant it when you said "good."

Other people love your misery. I know they love mine. They would hate for me to ever be happy. I tried and they ruined it. There's no way now. You should see how elated they are.

 

[Funkbunny]

I simply reply 'I'm fine'. F - fucked up. I - insecure. N - neurotic. E - emotional.

 

[Lara Francis]

I also hate the "how was your weekend? What did you do?" I have certain coworkers who ask me every Monday and I get so uncomfortable. I wish they would notice I have nothing to report and stop asking.

I can relate
If u just want to chill, you must be unwell and somehow ,doing stuff proves you r actually ok.