Venting pathetic

[serah]

This is just a vent. I just want to type out how I feel, nobody has to read this really. I simply just want to type out how I'm feeling and hit send and try to feel better. Ended up telling the person I've had a crush on for a while my feelings, and apparently they knew. They were incredibly chill about it which was nice and we both agreed we didn't want this to affect our friendship. It was amazing and they were super mature about it and told me it's natural and perfectly fine I fell for them but that their feelings for me are only platonic. Which is fine! I still feel like shit for feeling bad about it, it's been the second big rejection and I guess it hurts more than the last. I just have a feeling that maybe someone like me really is meant to be alone. It could be the negative thinking of course, but fuck it hurts like hell. I guess I feel so pathetic for thinking there was a chance, its the second time I've waited for that response text only to get my hopes up. And to ultimately get rejected.

 

[Weebster]

Happened to me too a week ago.

 

[Sarros]

I've been rejected like that my whole life. I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I used to go back and forth in my head wondering if it's me or I just haven't met the right person yet but every time just takes more out of you. Some people can bounce back from it or can just handle it better. Not me though, I'm tired, tired of being alone. I wish I was okay just being by myself. I'm not. I just want out now.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I've been rejected many times in my life too, so I empathize. Sarros is right how it can take its toll when it happens over and over. I also wish I was one of those people who can take a rejection in stride but it's always been such a blow to me and all I can do is agonize over what it is that's 'wrong' with me.

Serah, it sounds hypocritical of me after what I just wrote above but...I hope for you that you don't let this rejection prevent you from pursuing a relationship and love and that you stay open to such. That you still can feel emotions like love and attraction is a wonderful thing (at my age and in my situation, feeling those positive emotions has become basically impossible.) You seem like a really nice person; you deserve your feelings reciprocated and (like I said, I know this sounds hypocritical of me) so I hope you are able to work past this and that you'll find your person soon.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Life from age 40 beyond is not a realm for the lonely imo.

Without surrounding oneself with a family (pumping kids out) and other life affirming practices it seems impossible to keep handling the suffering for that long.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this, it must be really painful being in that situation. I think that having hope often just leads to more suffering, losing hope can be devastating which is why I am glad that I have none. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

This is just a vent. I just want to type out how I feel, nobody has to read this really. I simply just want to type out how I'm feeling and hit send and try to feel better. Ended up telling the person I've had a crush on for a while my feelings, and apparently they knew. They were incredibly chill about it which was nice and we both agreed we didn't want this to affect our friendship. It was amazing and they were super mature about it and told me it's natural and perfectly fine I fell for them but that their feelings for me are only platonic. Which is fine! I still feel like shit for feeling bad about it, it's been the second big rejection and I guess it hurts more than the last. I just have a feeling that maybe someone like me really is meant to be alone. It could be the negative thinking of course, but fuck it hurts like hell. I guess I feel so pathetic for thinking there was a chance, its the second time I've waited for that response text only to get my hopes up. And to ultimately get rejected.

It seems likely to me that your problem is that you're involving others in your life. When you stop doing that, all the 'crushes' disappear, all the conflicts and arguments dissipate, and 'other people' just become these objects you pass in the street, like walking furniture, and as long as you don't do anything silly like stare at one that's malfunctioning on the bus or in the corner shop, then they tend to just leave you alone and let you be. It's much easier that way.

 

[whatevs]

It seems likely to me that your problem is that you're involving others in your life. When you stop doing that, all the 'crushes' disappear, all the conflicts and arguments dissipate, and 'other people' just become these objects you pass in the street, like walking furniture, and as long as you don't do anything silly like stare at one that's malfunctioning on the bus or in the corner shop, then they tend to just leave you alone and let you be. It's much easier that way.

Loneliness isn't easy

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Loneliness isn't easy

I know, I'm just being facetious! Maybe I don't make it obvious enough. WARNING!!! NOBODY TAKE MY ADVICE - I AM AN IDIOT!!!

 

[whatevs]

I know, I'm just being facetious! Maybe I don't make it obvious enough. WARNING!!! NOBODY TAKE MY ADVICE - I AM AN IDIOT!!!

And you ALSO have some kind of mass murderer as pfp, don't you? That guy that made some existentialist remark on top of having killing sprees, no? That had a surname like Panzer, Kemper, something like that.

 

[Lullaby]

I'm really sorry, OP. Rejection definitely hurts. I went through something a little similar, but it was with someone who returned my feelings.

Said they were in love with me and all of this other stuff. We didn't become official after that but when I brought it up after sometime, it was like no one of that ever happened. I think I was being manipulated and used to help deal with his own insecurities and loneliness. Then I got ghosted.

I hope you don't let this get you down. I'm glad they respected you enough to be honest and open.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

And you ALSO have some kind of mass murderer as pfp, don't you? That guy that made some existentialist remark on top of having killing sprees, no? That had a surname like Panzer, Kemper, something like that.

Carl Panzram - I just find unhinged people fascinating!

 

[whatevs]

Carl Panzram - I just find unhinged people fascinating!

Me too, although there is something wrong about that part of me. Panzram! My mind got right 'Panz'. Not bad!

There's definitely some parallelisms between me and famous criminals and it's interesting to explore that but also can be quite disturbing, perhaps dangerous. Normally I don't really identify with them so I don't feel that danger but I dunno, it sucks to not be a normie and feel some kind of connection to monstrous people. I'd rather just be healthy and happy than a miserable monster.

 

[Foresight]

I know, I'm just being facetious! Maybe I don't make it obvious enough. WARNING!!! NOBODY TAKE MY ADVICE - I AM AN IDIOT!!!

I'm with you. I'm off in my own little world and I'm often having a good time all by myself.

But I'm also with whatevs. That primal nag for sharing experiences with others always comes back.

 

[Kismet]

I can relate to most of what you said, I think most people can actually. Falling for a person that doesn't return the feeling. It's devastating and depressing on so many levels among other things… It took me 3 years to get over the person that I feel for and it will never happen again. I hated that I felt the way I did and that I would do just about anything for that person. My way of shutting everyone out so it never happens again is probably not the right thing to do but what is right anyway?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I just don't have the energy for it

I had enough too. Now I don't even give anyone a chance, I don't want to. Enough is enough.

Said they were in love with me and all of this other stuff. We didn't become official after that but when I brought it up after sometime, it was like no one of that ever happened. I think I was being manipulated and used to help deal with his own insecurities and loneliness. Then I got ghosted.

I'm so sorry to hear that. To me ghosting is a cowardly and disgusting attitude. It's really having a lack of empathy for others and only thinking about your own navel. I hate people like that and people in general. You are better off without him believe me. You deserve so much more and he's not worth it. I know what it is to be heartbroken. It sucks. I hope you don't let yourself get too down. If you need me I'm here

it's always been such a blow to me and all I can do is agonize over what it is that's 'wrong' with me.

Same. It's awful. You loose everything. Your self-esteem, your self-love, your worth and then depression takes away your essence as a person and you stop being who you were.
Screw the people who see no value in us. Fuck them.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Me too, although there is something wrong about that part of me. Panzram! My mind got right 'Panz'. Not bad!

There's definitely some parallelisms between me and famous criminals and it's interesting to explore that but also can be quite disturbing, perhaps dangerous. Normally I don't really identify with them so I don't feel that danger but I dunno, it sucks to not be a normie and feel some kind of connection to monstrous people. I'd rather just be healthy and happy than a miserable monster.

I think I wish I was more of a monster. I have allowed some people to push me around throughout my life, and I regret it. In some of these men, I admire their aggressive nature, although it's usually incredibly self-destructive, except in a few people, such as Mike Tyson, who has managed to stabilize his aggression enough to live a life outside of prison, and make money out of his aggressive nature. Without boxing, he would be probably be a milder version of Carl Panzram. In some of them, I just envy their ability to destroy their own lives and not care. I care that my life is fucked, and I fucked it up! I wish I didn't.