Venting Passively suicidal

[SpiritualDeath]

I want a peaceful death and want to make sure that I don't fail. Given my personal situation I still have to wait at least a few years to have a viable plan for that. Everyday I wish that some sort of accident or anything like that can just take me, preferably before I even realize it, or just let me go to sleep and never wake up. That would be so much easier.

I get this kind of questions all the time, "if you really think death is better why aren't you dead already?", and I absolutely HATE this. They are making death sound so easy and effortless, whereas in reality it's far from this case. I mean...COME ON! If I had the magic button I would press it without any hesitation. Is death really that easy in reality? In fact you have SI and a body that wants to push you away from death and direct you towards procreation until it can no longer do so, even if it means leaving you in extremely bad conditions and severe pains in the cases of failed suicide attempts (it's the definition of slavery. It's nothing but cruel). You also live in an extremely anti-suicide society where methods are deliberately made inaccessible and every society, every culture, every authority system, EVERYONE around you worships life like...by default. I just don't get how people can be so blind that they think it's so easy and it's something you can successfully achieve by just saying a few words...

btw, how do you cope (with this kind of displeasure)?

 

[dmdmdm]

I can relate to what you say. I don't think life is valuable either and arguing with someone who is pro-life doesn't really do anything for me, in fact, I find it quite stressful. At first I thought calling suicide-hotlines would help me but I've come to realize that it's no different than talking to most people around you. Similar to you, I'm also sure that I'm gonna commit suicide eventually but I prefer to look at as the final solution to my problems and knowing that I can do it anytime gives me the feeling that I'm in control of the situation. I've already got my hands on charcoal grills but I would prefer something like SN and I'll try to get my hands on that in the near future, too. I just hope that I'm going to find my actual soulmate, the idea of that special person being somehwere out there really gives me hope and joy.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I also think people are very ignorant about suicide when they say stuff like "if you really think death is better then why aren´t you dead already". They never had a suicidal thought in their life and even if they had a brief one from a "depressed moment in their life" i.e. when they got "depression" for a few month after losing a job or a gf/bf they never truly contemplated actually ending their life, preparing or attempted to do it and if they did well then they would still be here which would prove suicide wasn´t so easy as they claimed it to be.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I wouldn't regard efilism as my "life goal" or something like that bc it's kind of pointless when the vast majority rejects it and if I dare to advocate for even something near it in public I get condemned. rn I just want to focus on ending myself. I wish that by doing it I would be able to reduce some suffering for both myself and others (e.g. for resources like food, shelter, educational resources, etc., if I no longer need them they would be free to be given to and benefit others). I'm aware that this may not be the case in reality because suffering spirals and I would never know if this really reduces suffering or just creates different forms of suffering. It's despairing. It's fucking DESPAIRING.

Only ending myself is never the perfect solution, but at least it's feasible.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot stand those people as it's just the reality that suicide isn't straightforward, I despise how we exist in such an anti-suicide society where suicide is purposely made as difficult and inaccessible as possible, it's just inhumane and if someone says suicide is easy they are completely ignorant or just lying. If someone knows nothing about suicide then they shouldn't have any right to ask questions like that. It certainly would be such a relief if there's the option to just peacefully and permanently escape from all the suffering by never waking again, it's horrible and cruel how that isn't the reality.