Partial suspension attempt

[WaitingForTheBus]

So I have been feeling incredibly desperate lately, the urge to go is very strong. So I bought a ratchet tie down so I could try and get this night night method working. Nothing but frustration.

Thought I would give partial suspension a go, not as a serious attempt, more for research I suppose to see if it was a method I could do. So I used the ratchet tie down for this as I had no rope and didn't secure the other end, just threw it over a chin up bar and held the loose end tightly. As I said, this was more for research.

Holy fuck, instantly I could feel the effects, had a feeling of I could do this. Next thing I know is I come to on the floor in a dream like state, being strangled as the cable had pulled so tight. Disorientated, I struggled to loosen it, couldn't understand WTF was happening. Couldn't walk properly and hurts like a bitch to swallow.

My main concern is that I have a mark going around my neck about an inch wide, it cut into my neck in certain places. Kind of hard to hide it so if I make it through the night, I am hoping that it clears before work tomorrow, too many questions will be asked otherwise.

The speed at which this took affect is quite remarkable and I know that this is now a method that will work for me. A bit excited actually cause I know that this is quite easy and quick and I was in no way scared during the process, except for when I came to. Next time I won't be having a practice run though, it will be for real.

 

[Help_Me]

You are a brave person for sure ! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I must say I feel a bit of joy that you are satisfied with your method. But also, this weird feeling, that I'll miss your posts and topics here... Just for you to know : you won't be forgotten here and I hope you won't suffer and everything would be fine..

 

[TiredHorse]

Wow. I'm glad you found out how to make it work --but I admit, I'm a bit startled how fast it came on. I may need to try that. EB/N2 isn't as fast as I'd like.

I'm so glad you found a method that will work for you!

 

[cap]

Nice! I will go with full suspension, hope the effects come quickly as they did to you.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

Wow. I'm glad you found out how to make it work --but I admit, I'm a bit startled how fast it came on. I may need to try that. EB/N2 isn't as fast as I'd like.

I'm so glad you found a method that will work for you!

Yes, it was amazingly quick, painless and oh so easy. Maybe it was so quick as I possibly compressed the carotid artery's, something I wasn't able to do with the NN method unfortunately. I honestly don't know as I never researched hanging before so I am unsure as to the affects I should experience or how quick it should be. I assumed it would take a while, that's why I never considered it.

Don't think tonight is the night, I need to say goodbye to someone first.Tomorrow though, that may be a whole different story.

 

[TiredHorse]

My biggest reluctance to partial has been the effect my final presentation will have on my family. I'm resisting the ease of gunshot because of that; eb/N2 seems somehow more aesthetically acceptible. I'm not sure how partial would effect them. However, what you discovered tonight about its efficacy certainly puts it on the table, for me, for the first time.

Don't think tonight is the night, I need to say goodbye to someone first.Tomorrow though, that may be a whole different story.

Isn't it strange how timing can feel so important? I've been sitting here for the last three hours, as I wait for exhaustion to settle in, trying to sort out the effect of my exit on my family and friends in relation to their doctor appointments, the holidays, arrivals of various orders I've placed... Such trivial distractions, but they feel important, so here I sit with a calendar and a sharpie.

Whenever it feels right for you, I wish you a safe and peaceful journey.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

My biggest reluctance to partial has been the effect my final presentation will have on my family. I'm resisting the ease of gunshot because of that; eb/N2 seems somehow more aesthetically acceptible. I'm not sure how partial would effect them. However, what you discovered tonight about its efficacy certainly puts it on the table, for me, for the first time.

Isn't it strange how timing can feel so important? I've been sitting here for the last three hours, as I wait for exhaustion to settle in, trying to sort out the effect of my exit on my family and friends in relation to their doctor appointments, the holidays, arrivals of various orders I've placed... Such trivial distractions, but they feel important, so here I sit with a calendar and a sharpie.

Whenever it feels right for you, I wish you a safe and peaceful journey.

Thank you for the kind words. I have been trying to get the NN method all week with no success, I have been unable to find that sweet spot, so was just in practice mode actually. I feel comfortably at ease and hope that tomorrow I have the strength to go through with it. I need to accept that my kids will be alright and then I can move on. I do need to say goodbye to my girl though, which will be hard.

Today was different as I was only ever in research mode to see if i could do it. I never thought that things would happen so quick. I expect that the realisation that next time I do it will be the end, makes it all a bit different, survival mode may kick in. I hope not though. The panic I experienced when I came to was very real but I know that next time, there is no need to wake up. Just eternal rest and peace.

 

[TiredHorse]

Today was different as I was only ever in research mode to see if i could do it. I never thought that things would happen so quick. I expect that the realisation that next time I do it will be the end, makes it all a bit different, survival mode may kick in. I hope not though.

Survival mode is a bitch. It has stymied me twice in the last ten days. I've been running "drills" to get used to the bag over my head, the sound of the N2 flowing through the tubing, the simple mechanics of propping myself with the apparatus around me, but that doesn't seem to help when it comes time to actually take in that last deep breath.

I hope your final farewells go well --though I do not envy you that conversation.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

Survival mode is a bitch. It has stymied me twice in the last ten days. I've been running "drills" to get used to the bag over my head, the sound of the N2 flowing through the tubing, the simple mechanics of propping myself with the apparatus around me, but that doesn't seem to help when it comes time to actually take in that last deep breath.

I hope your final farewells go well --though I do not envy you that conversation.

Yeah, it got hold of me once before too, about 8 years ago. That was jumping though and that always freaked me out so wasn't very well planned or thought out. If we all had access to N it would make things a bit easier in my opinion. I don't want to die in pain.

I've seen your posts and feel your anguish. This is a no going back decision once made and it is scary as fuck. Like I said above though, I feel really desperate this time and the person who pushed me towards this feeling of desperation is ironically the one person that could save me. Not that i would ever let her know that.

 

[TiredHorse]

the person who pushed me towards this feeling of desperation is ironically the one person that could save me. Not that i would ever let her know that.

Exactly. My beloved is the one person who could make everything all right --but that ship sailed twelve weeks ago, when she got pregnant by the man I begged her not to turn to. What am I supposed to say now? Terminate the pregnancy and come back to me? That's not a fair or reasonable thing to ask, and asking it would drive her away permanently anyway.

Hopefully in the next few days I can find the courage/desperation to ctb.

 

[worldexploder]

The NNM is what I'm gonna attempt to try around December, Thanks for sharing your story. We need all the information we can get. Especially personal experiences. I am afraid but I know I gotta end this torture.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

The NNM is what I'm gonna attempt to try around December, Thanks for sharing your story. We need all the information we can get. Especially personal experiences. I am afraid but I know I gotta end this torture.

I think we are all afraid, I don't want to die, I just don't see an alternative atm. If the next time goes as it did today, it will be very peaceful and painless, which is what we would all like. Take care mate, it seems as though you have been struggling quite a bit lately.

 

[worldexploder]

I think we are all afraid, I don't want to die, I just don't see an alternative atm. If the next time goes as it did today, it will be very peaceful and painless, which is what we would all like. Take care mate, it seems as though you have been struggling quite a bit lately.

Thank you buddy. I been struggling for along time. I've seen enough and just want out of this world. I wish you the best on what ever you decide to do. When I get the tools I'm going to experiment first as well before I commit.

 

[balancingaqt]

Well i guess a turtleneck would hide the marks. Mad respect, i have also tried to see if partial suspension would work using paracord but it didnt really feel much, so wondering what else i can do. Thanks for the idea. How did you secure the ratchet tie around your neck?

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

Well i guess a turtleneck would hide the marks. Mad respect, i have also tried to see if partial suspension would work using paracord but it didnt really feel much, so wondering what else i can do. Thanks for the idea. How did you secure the ratchet tie around your neck?

Just with a slip knot, pulled pretty tight once I passed out, If the other end was secured to the chin up bar, i would not be here, that's not a bad thing, but I do have a goodbye or 2 that I need to get out of the way first.

Unfortunately a turtle neck would look odd. Live in a rather warm climate and besides, I need to wear a uniform at work. Still a bit red but hopefully cleared up by tomorrow.

 

[HopelessKim]

It might bruise depending on the extend of capillary damage and take a couple of days to clear. Not sure if it helps but you can try using makeup, specifically foundation to try and cover it up, but that stuff rubs off so you might have to check every couple of hours or so

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

It might bruise depending on the extend of capillary damage and take a couple of days to clear. Not sure if it helps but you can try using makeup, specifically foundation to try and cover it up, but that stuff rubs off so you might have to check every couple of hours or so

Welcome to the family @HopelessKim. Thanks for the advice but make up may draw attention as well. It's all good, I will make up some bs excuse, I am past caring and I feel a peace that I haven't felt for a long time. Unless something drastic happens tomorrow, as I have a couple of goodbyes to say without really saying goodbye, then I am more than ready to go tomorrow night. There is only one person that could change my mind and that's not going to happen. Let's hope that the survival instinct doesn't kick in.

 

[HopelessKim]

Welcome to the family @HopelessKim. Thanks for the advice but make up may draw attention as well. It's all good, I will make up some bs excuse, I am past caring and I feel a peace that I haven't felt for a long time. Unless something drastic happens tomorrow, as I have a couple of goodbyes to say without really saying goodbye, then I am more than ready to go tomorrow night. There is only one person that could change my mind and that's not going to happen. Let's hope that the survival instinct doesn't kick in.

I know exactly what you mean, especially about the part where someone could change your mind but it won't happen. Most importantly is that you have peace, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks

 

[lv-gras]

there is makeup made for covering tattoos and scars, it looks very usual and effective and might help.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

there is makeup made for covering tattoos and scars, it looks very usual and effective and might help.

Unfortunately I will start work at 7am my time, in just under 7 hours, no opportunity to go anywhere to buy anything. I appreciate the idea though.

 

[lv-gras]

Unfortunately I will start work at 7am my time, in just under 7 hours, no opportunity to go anywhere to buy anything. I appreciate the idea though.

ok

btw offers sympathies and hugs

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

ok

btw offers sympathies and hugs

Haha, it's all good. Wouldn't mind a hug but no sympathy required. I feel at peace and a calmness that I haven't experienced for some time. I actually feel happy. WTF am I doing on a suicide forum feeling happy. Hahaha. :)