Method Partial hanging or Jumping?

[foxdie]

I hope my time is nearing an end. I've wanted to die for as long as I can remember. But I also fail to set a date, my SI is strong. I don't really believe in setting a date tho, I think I'll know when it's time. I have two options in front of me: hanging or jumping. Both options present a difficult fight with my SI. I have a metal door I can achieve partial hanging on and I have a window I can jump from. I'm so tired of experiencing this world. I crave the nothingness of death. This community is a really special thing for me, here at the end of me. Reading this site has given me comfort in the darkest time in my life, mostly as a lurker haha. But somehow I'm comfortable expressing my true thoughts here. Thank you all, I'm sorry we're all here. Hanging or jumping, what would you do? I'm not asking for anyone to take part in my end. You all have your own pain, I don't want to add mine to that. I'm just wondering what others would do if these were their only options?

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I am pretty much in the same boat as you, I am beyond broke and the only options available to me are the ones that don't require me to buy anything - and that's either jumping or hanging. I'm on the fifth floor, so that's fairly high...but I am still afraid it might not be high enough. Sure, many people died by falling from smaller heights - but some survived falling from even bigger heights. To me, the idea of jumping non-lethally, or even not dying quickly is way too horrifying to allow even a small risk. I would surely choose jumping if I had access to a place that is 30 meters or more above the ground, so I could be fairly sure it would be quick and foolproof. But since I don't, I am currently trying to accept the thought that I'll probably have to choose hanging.

 

[foxdie]

I am pretty much in the same boat as you, I am beyond broke and the only options available to me are the ones that don't require me to buy anything - and that's either jumping or hanging. I'm on the fifth floor, so that's fairly high...but I am still afraid it might not be high enough. Sure, many people died by falling from smaller heights - but some survived falling from even bigger heights. To me, the idea of jumping non-lethally, or even not dying quickly is way too horrifying to allow even a small risk. I would surely choose jumping if I had access to a place that is 30 meters or more above the ground, so I could be fairly sure it would be quick and foolproof. But since I don't, I am currently trying to accept the thought that I'll probably have to choose hanging.

I feel you so much. I'd definitely be cautious with the 5th floor tho since I'm scared of the 9th lol. I'm currently trying to work myself up to hanging but it's hard. If I had easy access to a high jumping point, I think (hope) I could take the plunge...

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm currently trying to work myself up to hanging but it's hard. If I had easy access to a high jumping point, I think (hope) I could take the plunge...

This is so sad and unfair. Why should life run you in the corner where you have to choose CTB and can't even chose a non-scary, peaceful method? My heart goes out to you, buddy. No one deserves to be in this situation.
Would you mind sharing what led you to this decision? Why are you choosing to leave?

 

[BPD Barbie]

Personally I'd choose hanging. I had considered jumping at one point but I was worried that in the seconds it takes to land I would experience regret or I would survive the fall. Sorry life has brought you to this place, all be it one of the nicest places I've come across and filled with wonderful people, it's still sad that people have to come here.

 

[foxdie]

This is so sad and unfair. Why should life run you in the corner where you have to choose CTB and can't even chose a non-scary, peaceful method? My heart goes out to you, buddy. No one deserves to be in this situation.
Would you mind sharing what led you to this decision? Why are you choosing to leave?

Thank you for your support. I'm just dead inside. I have no ability to connect with others in the world. I feel it would be better for me and everyone if I was dead.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

If they were the only options I would choose partial. I'm scared of height so find the idea of jumping terrifying

I'm just dead inside. I have no ability to connect with others in the world. I feel it would be better for me and everyone if I was dead.

I feel the same :(

 

[foxdie]

Personally I'd choose hanging. I had considered jumping at one point but I was worried that in the seconds it takes to land I would experience regret or I would survive the fall. Sorry life has brought you to this place, all be it one of the nicest places I've come across and filled with wonderful people, it's still sad that people have to come here.

I've read that if you jump from high enough, you won't even process the end of the jump. But also there are no witnesses to back this up really, they ctb'd. I'm definitely leaning towards hanging but I'm such a coward for the pain.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm just dead inside. I have no ability to connect with others in the world. I feel it would be better for me and everyone if I was dead.

I'm sorry. It must be tough. If you are really sure trying one of these methods is what's best for you, then I wish you luck and peace. But please, be really sure it's truly better for you.

 

[foxdie]

I'm sorry. It must be tough. If you are really sure trying one of these methods is what's best for you, then I wish you luck and peace. But please, be really sure it's truly better for you.

Thank you. I'm not sure what is best for me, never have been. I guess sometimes when you come to the end of the line the options are desperate. I wish the world was better to us all.

 

[Dead girl walking]

I hope my time is nearing an end. I've wanted to die for as long as I can remember. But I also fail to set a date, my SI is strong. I don't really believe in setting a date tho, I think I'll know when it's time. I have two options in front of me: hanging or jumping. Both options present a difficult fight with my SI. I have a metal door I can achieve partial hanging on and I have a window I can jump from. I'm so tired of experiencing this world. I crave the nothingness of death. This community is a really special thing for me, here at the end of me. Reading this site has given me comfort in the darkest time in my life, mostly as a lurker haha. But somehow I'm comfortable expressing my true thoughts here. Thank you all, I'm sorry we're all here. Hanging or jumping, what would you do? I'm not asking for anyone to take part in my end. You all have your own pain, I don't want to add mine to that. I'm just wondering what others would do if these were their only options?

I tried partial hanging, I just passed out kneeling with my weight on my rope. Luckily I didn't leave myself with brain damage.( A fate worse than this life.,) I had the right equipment/ right suspension/ knots and like you the time just came, no plans were made and I knew it was my time. I ended up in hospital honestly glad to be alive. Typically I'm back thinking I will kill myself if life goes that way again but I look for the positives to stay rather than the negatives to go. On the other hand, for as long as I can remember I wanted to jump the bridge. I live beside a huge dangerous river. A man jumped to his death last night and instead of feeling an affiliated it felt like a waste of a life. I'm not persuading you to stray from your path, but you say you are scared and worried. These are feelings. You are human not devoid of feelings. I live in such a small town in Ireland you know the family and see them suffering. Its a guilt trip. I don't know your relationship with others but live for you. Change who you are if you don't like it bit by bit. Change your area your career/friends. Get rid of toxic family or just be you and change your thinking. It may not work for us long term and we will revert to plan A but I'm trying. Plan A is such a comfort knowing you can end this hurt once and for all. But one more decent shot at life can't hurt. Take care

 

[foxdie]

I tried partial hanging, I just passed out kneeling with my weight on my rope. Luckily I didn't leave myself with brain damage.( A fate worse than this life.,) I had the right equipment/ right suspension/ knots and like you the time just came, no plans were made and I knew it was my time. I ended up in hospital honestly glad to be alive. Typically I'm back thinking I will kill myself if life goes that way again but I look for the positives to stay rather than the negatives to go. On the other hand, for as long as I can remember I wanted to jump the bridge. I live beside a huge dangerous river. A man jumped to his death last night and instead of feeling an affiliated it felt like a waste of a life. I'm not persuading you to stray from your path, but you say you are scared and worried. These are feelings. You are human not devoid of feelings. I live in such a small town in Ireland you know the family and see them suffering. Its a guilt trip. I don't know your relationship with others but live for you. Change who you are if you don't like it bit by bit. Change your area your career/friends. Get rid of toxic family or just be you and change your thinking. It may not work for us long term and we will revert to plan A but I'm trying. Plan A is such a comfort knowing you can end this hurt once and for all. But one more decent shot at life can't hurt. Take care

I'm literally crying my eyes out right now. I don't think I can change my situation. I've lost all hope. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Dead girl walking]

I'm sorry. It must be tough. If you are really sure trying one of these methods is what's best for you, then I wish you luck and peace. But please, be really sure it's truly better for you.

I'm not dismissing your feelings but although I have desire to end my life plz never think there's NOBODY that cares for you. Your illness is making you feel this way. The thing about me is during my first suicide attempt I didn't care if anyone connected with me or not. I'm sure they did. So don't let this be the reason you leave this earth. You are just meeting the wrong people who aren't connecting with you at your level. But please, be really sure you have exhausted all resources before making a decision based on a lie your brain is telling you. Antidepressants if you haven't tried them esp sertraline helped me til I had to stop them. Tap into a local charity group you are interested in. It's covid season so appts are via phone. . Your sense of loneliness It won't be like this forever. One friend is as good as 10 bad ones. I hope you find your way and are with us another while. You seem a lovely gentle kind person x

I'm sorry. It must be tough. If you are really sure trying one of these methods is what's best for you, then I wish you luck and peace.

 

[foxdie]

I'm not dismissing your feelings but although I have desire to end my life plz never think there's NOBODY that cares for you. Your illness is making you feel this way. The thing about me is during my first suicide attempt I didn't care if anyone connected with me or not. I'm sure they did. So don't let this be the reason you leave this earth. You are just meeting the wrong people who aren't connecting with you at your level. But please, be really sure you have exhausted all resources before making a decision based on a lie your brain is telling you. Antidepressants if you haven't tried them esp sertraline helped me til I had to stop them. Tap into a local charity group you are interested in. It's covid season so appts are via phone. . Your sense of loneliness It won't be like this forever. One friend is as good as 10 bad ones. I hope you find your way and are with us another while. You seem a lovely gentle kind person x

Thank you. I think your words could have inspired a younger version of myself. But I just feel at the end of the line right now

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thank you. I think your words could have inspired a younger version of myself. But I just feel at the end of the line right now

May I ask you how the younger version of yourself was different from the current one? What exactly changed, what's lacking?

 

[Dead girl walking]

I'm literally crying my eyes out right now. I don't think I can change my situation. I've lost all hope. Thank you for your kind words.

You don't think. A "think" is not a definite do you are unsure which is good. Depression is so complex for us. We are too tired to bother making friends because that means investing time, pretending to be happy. We struggle to be happy. Someone will see through that. I've lost hope so many times but there's a cord that attaches me to life that I believe life won't let me break free from. Til noe I have survived a massive OD, partial hanging and full hanging and many many forms of self harm . Maybe you are crying coz you needed someone who has been through it to come along and tell you it's not the way to go. You will be missed. If you have family or people you value and who value you, they wud move the earth to see your eyes open and smile again if you decide to go . I suppose it's something I use to tell myself that my brain is lying to me. Experiences from childhood inform our level of self esteem as adults. You aren't beyond help. You will get your bad days. Honestly I thought I'd die this weekend then I saw the scene with the man who took his life and everyone tried to help. It shook me to see the crowds turn out for him as they wud you. Find things that put life into perspective. I understood he didn't know how much people were rooting for him either and felt alone. If only he could see the amount not people looking for his body tonight. Plz call a local suicide group particularly one for "jumpers" as they will call you. Who knows after some counselling you may end up a volunteer. You seem smart and play it doen. Once your confidence has built up you will know you had to go through this to help others

 

[NoDistanceLeftToRun]

Do you really want to die or do you still have some hope left? If you really 100% want to die, then jumping is pretty much foolproof as long as you have somewhere high enough to jump from

 

[foxdie]

You don't think. A "think" is not a definite do you are unsure which is good. Depression is so complex for us. We are too tired to bother making friends because that means investing time, pretending to be happy. We struggle to be happy. Someone will see through that. I've lost hope so many times but there's a cord that attaches me to life that I believe life won't let me break free from. Til noe I have survived a massive OD, partial hanging and full hanging and many many forms of self harm . Maybe you are crying coz you needed someone who has been through it to come along and tell you it's not the way to go. You will be missed. If you have family or people you value and who value you, they wud move the earth to see your eyes open and smile again if you decide to go . I suppose it's something I use to tell myself that my brain is lying to me. Experiences from childhood inform our level of self esteem as adults. You aren't beyond help. You will get your bad days. Honestly I thought I'd die this weekend then I saw the scene with the man who took his life and everyone tried to help. It shook me to see the crowds turn out for him as they wud you. Find things that put life into perspective. I understood he didn't know how much people were rooting for him either and felt alone. If only he could see the amount not people looking for his body tonight. Plz call a local suicide group particularly one for "jumpers" as they will call you. Who knows after some counselling you may end up a volunteer. You seem smart and play it doen. Once your confidence has built up you will know you had to go through this to help others

Your words made me cry more, but in a good way? I'm sorry you have similar pain. I think I have my life in pretty good perspective now and it will not get better. You have given something to think about tho with your thoughtful comment.

 

[Dead girl walking]

Thank you. I think your words could have inspired a younger version of myself. But I just feel at the end of the line right now

I don't think you are ever too old to start over and ask for help. What a waste of the life of a polite lovely person . I'm on here for the same reasons as you. I'd lost hope, but when I look at others problems where I can see answers it's difficult not to share that experience. Infact it's a disservice to you to let you succomb to a depression that obviously isnt being treated properly. When I hung myself (but was interrupted ) I wasn't on the right meds. The right meds helped me go from 2/10 to 9/10. You are only at the end when you make that final move and I'm hoping your presence here is because you're struggling with two opposing thoughts on taking your life. I've give myself a year. I might not last. What have you to lose giving yourself extra time to reconsider x

Your words made me cry more, but in a good way? I'm sorry you have similar pain. I think I have my life in pretty good perspective now and it will not get better. You have given something to think about tho with your thoughtful comment.

No probs. Im glad. I will check in to see how you are coping. I'm in Ireland. No idea the time difference x

 

[foxdie]

Do you really want to die or do you still have some hope left? If you really 100% want to die, then jumping is pretty much foolproof as long as you have somewhere high enough to jump from

I'm pretty sure I want to die. Like 99%. But my biological processes, ie SI, won't let me die. I would cut my throat right now if I could.

 

[foxdie]

No probs. Im glad. I will check in to see how you are coping. I'm in Ireland. No idea the time difference x

Thanks for taking the time . My life has fallen apart this year like a lot of people. Once the lockdowns started and I couldn't see anyone in person, I realized how alone I was and what little true connections I'd made with others in life. People will barely message me, I felt so invisible. And my career fell apart do to my own incompetence. I think I'm just ready to give up.

May I ask you how the younger version of yourself was different from the current one? What exactly changed, what's lacking?

Nothing has changed really aside from circumstances. I've had suicidal ideation since I was a child. Now those feelings are manifesting I guess. The younger version of me was willing to try harder but still broken.

 

[Dead girl walking]

Thanks for taking the time ❤. My life has fallen apart this year like a lot of people. Once the lockdowns started and I couldn't see anyone in person, I realized how alone I was and what little true connections I'd made with others in life. People will barely message me, I felt so invisible. And my career fell apart do to my own incompetence. I think I'm just ready to give up.


Nothing has changed really aside from circumstances. I've had suicidal ideation since I was a child. Now those feelings are manifesting I guess. The younger version of me was willing to try harder but still broken.

Hey, for starters. Your career is most likely not ruined. Its just on hold. Your story is very like mine. I was earning thousands a month and couldn't cope. I blamed myself for the choices I made, but there were a lot of different factors working on me, and now as I continue to struggle to get back on the ladder I try not to beat myself up for the wrong choices I made. I wasn't in a good frame of mind. I'd a suicide attempt nobody knows about, I just felt and some days still feel a failure. But if I had to write facts about myself I know I'm smart and I got to management so there's ability. I'm still working on me and getting back into the rat race abd I'm capable as are you of going a different direction if the old road is too scary to go back to. Suicidal ideation is a bitch. Pure and simple. I live with everyday and I give at least 2 mins thought on my good days to "will I kill myself today"?. That question follows me and is harder to get away from on the days I feel permanently heartbroken. But I keep my safety card with all my positives. You seemed to have managed and kept yourself safe so far proving your strength. You don't see it in yourself on the bad days and it sounds like you have been having a few of those. An even younger version of yourself in the form of your inner child wants you contented and had higher hopes for you into old age. Never worry what that looks like to others. Happiness is not beyond your reach. It may not look like it used to but maybe you needed something to tell you to slow down. Status does not and will never define you. Nothing is permanent but death for us.

 

[foxdie]

Hey, for starters. Your career is most likely not ruined. Its just on hold. Your story is very like mine. I was earning thousands a month and couldn't cope. I blamed myself for the choices I made, but there were a lot of different factors working on me, and now as I continue to struggle to get back on the ladder I try not to beat myself up for the wrong choices I made. I wasn't in a good frame of mind. I'd a suicide attempt nobody knows about, I just felt and some days still feel a failure. But if I had to write facts about myself I know I'm smart and I got to management so there's ability. I'm still working on me and getting back into the rat race abd I'm capable as are you of going a different direction if the old road is too scary to go back to. Suicidal ideation is a bitch. Pure and simple. I live with everyday and I give at least 2 mins thought on my good days to "will I kill myself today"?. That question follows me and is harder to get away from on the days I feel permanently heartbroken. But I keep my safety card with all my positives. You seemed to have managed and kept yourself safe so far proving your strength. You don't see it in yourself on the bad days and it sounds like you have been having a few of those. An even younger version of yourself in the form of your inner child wants you contented and had higher hopes for you into old age. Never worry what that looks like to others. Happiness is not beyond your reach. It may not look like it used to but maybe you needed something to tell you to slow down. Status does not and will never define you. Nothing is permanent but death for us.

Thank you again for sharing. I have had a few bad months haha. I've just lost all my fight currently. My last job really disillusioned me in how nakedly exploitative it was, I was in management too. I don't even want to jump back in the rat race anymore, just to be a cog in an indifferent and destructive machine. I don't know I'm a bit lost right now and am so ready to give up. I'm kind of whining now lol. But yeah sharing your story and time has meant a lot.

 

[Dead girl walking]

I'm glad. I might have my days on here too whining ready to kick the bucket. Although I respect your choice it seems a shame to lose your wisdom from the world. Take care

 

[foxdie]

I'm glad. I might have my days on here too whining ready to kick the bucket. Although I respect your choice it seems a shame to lose your wisdom from the world. Take care

You take care as well