I sympathize with your experience. I only recently got the opportunity to sit down with my mom and sort of openly talk about my perception of her when I was younger, and how things she said made me feel. It was weird hearing that her strictness, and the resulting effect that it had on my perception of her - which was mainly fear - was for the 'sake of my personhood' in being able to assuredly control what I could and couldn't do. I can definitely justify some of it, like my inability to sneak out to go to parties through high school, but it did create a kind of estranged resentment and confusion towards my parents.
It's weird to hear those same people talk to you in informalities, kindnesses, and at the same level when you've spent your whole life somewhat ordered around by them, and I can relate to that, and its resulting sadness and frustration when it feels like it's only because your change in circumstance; as if being any older, more mature, or more successful gives a person any right to treat you more or less 'fairly'. Hope you're doing okay otherwise.
Virtual hugs sent your way <3