Panicking

[bigfishlittlefish]

I can't ctb because I can't get N or SN and I'm already disabled so really can't risk not succeeding, but every second I'm awake now is so horrifically painful that even drinking and drugging myself through it isn't helping much. I either can't afford to drink enough to really make a dent in this pain or I just physically can't drink enough thanks to my stomach problems.
I'm already on heavy opiates to help me function so even if I tried switching to a more heavy duty drug like H, I'm still not sure i could actually afford enough of it to consistently be able to numb this.
I'm trapped and I can't see any way through or out

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible being in that situation, I find it so hellish how suicide is purposely made so inaccessible even know people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

The human body is a torture machine.
I hate it when it comes to the fact that the body gets used to things like alcohol and drugs and you end up needing more of it , and stronger doses.
Sorry you are going through this.