Venting Panic attack

[Alec]

I'm on a constant edge of a panic attack, like all it takes is for me to concentrate too much on reality and I start to get panic attack, I can't breath.
I have to keep lying to myself that everything is fine just not to start suffocating.
But I can't keep living in lies I have to face the truth

 

[one4all]

But I can't keep living in lies I have to face the truth

That sounds like a good start. Coming to grips with things might help.

 

[Alec]

That sounds like a good start. Coming to grips with things might help.

But that's the whole point, it's facing the truth that gives me these panic attacks and make me want to bang my head against the wall, makes me want to cut myself again. But I realize that living in self denial is no living at all but the truth about my feelings and myself is just crushing and the biggest of all is the truth that I have to ctb because I can't live this life and it's not for me and that makes me feel like I'm trapped and the walls are closing in and I can't breath again

 

[one4all]

But that's the whole point, it's facing the truth that gives me these panic attacks and make me want to bang my head against the wall, makes me want to cut myself again. But I realize that living in self denial is no living at all but the truth about my feelings and myself is just crushing and the biggest of all is the truth that I have to ctb because I can't live this life and it's not for me and that makes me feel like I'm trapped and the walls are closing in and I can't breath again

Seems i missed your point then, thank you for clarifying that. Unfortunately we each have our own demons. I have no idea what you are going through.
You can also open up to the community here and see if anyone else has a simliar issue that can related with you better.

 

[Busdriver]

But that's the whole point, it's facing the truth that gives me these panic attacks and make me want to bang my head against the wall, makes me want to cut myself again. But I realize that living in self denial is no living at all but the truth about my feelings and myself is just crushing and the biggest of all is the truth that I have to ctb because I can't live this life and it's not for me and that makes me feel like I'm trapped and the walls are closing in and I can't breath again

I have these panic attacks too, with fast heart beat. You describe these terrible attacks well. I am sure a lot of members have these panic attacks. You panic because you just cannot believe how shit life is, was, and will be in the future. It is the realization that life is actually a nightmare and you feel completely helpless, not knowing how to deal with the rest of days, weeks, months, years, making you want to ctb asap.

Luckily, you are surrounded with like minded people here on SS.

We care for you!

 

[Anon2662]

I have panic attacks a lot and especially at night. They're horrific so I understand how you feel :( here if you need to ever talk

 

[selfhater]

i understand every word u wrote i have constant panic attack and today i had the worst panic attack ever and i have to deny everything but it doesn't work like it used to do :(