paliative care

[MariV]

as some of you may remember, i have tumors(sarcomas) in stomach, lungs and skin. i am 188cm and 50kg so very emcaciated, as i cant eat.

i dont know whether to ctb at home or what can i do if to go to the hospital and tell them i dont want to live. i have a last will stating that i dont want my life to be prolonged artificially.

what will the do? can i reject IV nutrition?

option b would be using my SN but i will vomit for sure.im very anxious

give me your ideas pls
any idea pls? im rly desperate, i dont know what to do

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I hear your suffering, and I empathize with how much you've got going on here -- not only the physical suffering and wanting to end it, but handling things compassionately for each of your parents, and figuring out your options.

I really think you need to have a conversation with your doctor about how unbearable your condition is, that you're actually at your limit of tolerance, what are your options, and the questions you have a palliative care and ending your life. We're here to give you support, but the answers you're seeking are so specific, they need to come from someone who his qualified to give them. You may also need to speak to an attorney.

I'm reminded of a story I read about a man in an Arab country who was in the hospital and had a limb in a cast. He kept complaining of intolerable itching but no one paid him any attention. He finally jumped out the window and killed himself. When the cast was removed, it was full of bugs. Perhaps this would be a good way to open the conversation with your doctor (and an attorney). You've reached the limit of your tolerance for pain and suffering, and you'd prefer to be heard, to be treated with compassion, and to manage the situation with calm dignity rather than out of desperation, and you're at the edge of desperation. If your doctor can't hear this, then maybe it would be best to see another doctor.

What do you think? Did any of this help? Did I overlook something? Is any of it unreasonable or not doable?

 

[MariV]

thank you for your reply. well at the hospital they will simply say that they are there to heal people not to kill them. and that if i refuse eating and also dont want intravenous nutrition, then i just go home

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

well at the hospital they will simply say that they are there to heal people not to kill them. and that if i refuse eating and also dont want intravenous nutrition, then i just go home

How do you know that? And if you do, then I'm curious as to why you've asked multiple times about it here. In this thread you asked what will they do, but now you're saying what they will do. I don't mean to be argumentative, I just don't understand. Am I overlooking something?

 

[MariV]

How do you know that? And if you do, then I'm curious as to why you've asked multiple times about it here. In this thread you asked what will they do, but now you're saying what they will do. I don't mean to be argumentative, I just don't understand. Am I overlooking something?

sorry. yes, ure completely right...i make so much drama and always anticipate the worst outcome possible. ill try to change that. thx for ur time and patience

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I didn't know your story but just wanted to say that I'm very sorry about everything that you're going through.

 

[Ghost2211]

If they're not willing to let you die then tell them the pain is too much, and you want fentanyl.

 

[MariV]

well the pain isnt the greatest problem. i am 100% ectomorph, marfan actually. very skinny. i look like a skeleton.but well..mb my body can survive like that, like those hindu mystics

 

[noaccount]

Hi, I'm so sorry that's happening. Are you in the States? Contacting the "order of the good death" might be a good option for guidance about medical choices, it's so important and so difficult to find respect for our choices. Also are you able to find other people with similar disabilities and chronic illnesses? That can be "lifesaving" but I mean also helpful in other ways if life-saving isn't the goal - to know we're not alone in a world full of able-bodied bullshit norms.

 

[MariV]

Hi, I'm so sorry that's happening. Are you in the States? Contacting the "order of the good death" might be a good option for guidance about medical choices, it's so important and so difficult to find respect for our choices. Also are you able to find other people with similar disabilities and chronic illnesses? That can be "lifesaving" but I mean also helpful in other ways if life-saving isn't the goal - to know we're not alone in a world full of able-bodied bullshit norms.

im in Spain. i wish i was born in Switzerland. here death is taboo...l was surprised when i lived in Germany to find cemeteries right inside the city. that would never happen here.

 

[Isadeth]

Regarding palliative options, have you looked into palliative sedation? Basically, they keep you unconscious until your body passes away.

 

[Aap]

Speak to your doctor. No clue regarding your country, state, or leanings of your doctor. If physician assisted death are not an option, discuss palliative sedation, withdrawing nutrition, and increasing morphine or hydromorphone dosages to treat your "pain." My suggestion would to be extremely honest with your doctor that your pain is not controlled and ask for more opioids.

 

[Meditation guide]

thank you for your reply. well at the hospital they will simply say that they are there to heal people not to kill them. and that if i refuse eating and also dont want intravenous nutrition, then i just go home

option b would be using my SN but i will vomit for sure.im very anxious

From what I've seen almost everyone vomits with SN. I don't think based on what you said you will get any help from the hospital. If you refuse intravenous nutrition they will send you home.

If you have a decent kind doctor then getting some very strong pain medicine would be helpful.

We are not allowed to give advice on how you can ctb. Unfortunately we are all on our own here when it comes to that but you have my sympathy. I don't know if they have hospice care there but if so you could try getting in touch with them and asking at what point people are allowed to check into hospice. Here in the US they have to have no more than six months to live, and really try to only take people who have a week or two.

It sounds like you are requesting to simply stop all nutrition and maybe fluids. It also sounds like you can't do that in the hospital there. Do you have any funds or way to find someone, or a nurse to help you? If you stop all nutrition and fluids you are going to need some nursing care from someone.