Dear God I am suffering pain on a scale that I have been virtually screaming for hours. I have taken so much suffering it is unbelievable. My nervous system is being destroyed and I could die easily right now from the screaming pain. It supersedes childbirth by triple at least. I'm so angry I have to suffer like this. The full extent of my suffering will never be known if I die. You get pain relief and they shut the door so you don't disturb everyone else with your crying begging and pleading for the pain to stop. It's not their fault, I know they are at a loss. I have begged for help to get them to investigate further What is happening to me. I feel like my insides are being eaten alive. My poor bum is being attacked so badly all the nerves are now exposed and I can't stop crying and jerking about. I have blood pouring out my backside, a litre of diarrhoea a day coming out my stoma bag, my spine is collapsing so I can hardly move. My neck is not supporting my head anymore and is now numb. Half my head is entirely numb. My brain feels crushed and I sit there holding my head up with my hands staring at the walls of my hospital room wishing it would all go away getting more dazed and confused by the minute.
I'm hanging on dearly for my little boy. I cannot bare to leave him.
I watched the diabolical eastenders tonight ( u.k,). A woman with m.s killed herself. Everyone went on about her mental health as did any stupid news report about it. Why is it so hard to comprehend that someone screaming from pain and losing function by the week may want it to end without having a mental health problem. I have equal sympathy for m.health problems btw and am not downplaying that at all. I just know that I will do anything to escape the never ending suffering one day and it will be 'oh she must have been depressed. '
I'm so angry I have to suffer this. My own mum can't even handle it anymore as I either sit there and cry like a zombie or am delirious making animal noises from the pain. I have no one as no one can be with you when you're like that so you get avoided and the door shut.
Is hanging really painful for those who've partly tried it out. I fear I won't get to Dignitas, I won't get N any time soon. I can't face any investigation. I'm so so unwell it would be too much. I have nothing to try overdose on as I need every dose of Oxy they give me.
I'm hanging on dearly for my little boy. I cannot bare to leave him.
I watched the diabolical eastenders tonight ( u.k,). A woman with m.s killed herself. Everyone went on about her mental health as did any stupid news report about it. Why is it so hard to comprehend that someone screaming from pain and losing function by the week may want it to end without having a mental health problem. I have equal sympathy for m.health problems btw and am not downplaying that at all. I just know that I will do anything to escape the never ending suffering one day and it will be 'oh she must have been depressed. '
I'm so angry I have to suffer this. My own mum can't even handle it anymore as I either sit there and cry like a zombie or am delirious making animal noises from the pain. I have no one as no one can be with you when you're like that so you get avoided and the door shut.
Is hanging really painful for those who've partly tried it out. I fear I won't get to Dignitas, I won't get N any time soon. I can't face any investigation. I'm so so unwell it would be too much. I have nothing to try overdose on as I need every dose of Oxy they give me.
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