pain of living > guilt of killing myself

[chimeraq]

hello everyone i am new here.
i am suicidal. people tell me to do this and that to get better. but i don't want to get better. i want to get worse and so much worse that the sheer pain of living so far exceeds the guilt of doing this to my family that i just do it.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

We won't tell you to do anything. We will support you in whatever decision you make.

 

[_milo]

Can I ask why you want to feel worse? Seems very counterintuitive to me.

 

[chimeraq]

Can I ask why you want to feel worse? Seems very counterintuitive to me.

so that when i kill myself i won't feel guilty about doing this to my family? so that, in my mind, i can justify it by saying that the pain of living was too much and greater than the pain that i will inflict on my family.

We won't tell you to do anything. We will support you in whatever decision you make.

the fuck does that even mean? how will you support me? we don't know each other. your support/not support means nothing at all.

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

tho we are just strangers talking online it is some support. some of us more than we are getting irl. of course people aren't going to be as judgy here. and thats nice. i like the vibe around this board. even if some one isn't there physically supporting you an anonymous non-judgmental ear is always nice. also it could always be worse!

 

[wanttodie.nz]

That's right. We won't judge. We won't spout the usual pro-life bullshit that we are all sick of hearing. We will listen to you and offer what advice we can.

 

[sadbunny]

I can relate but it's still always in the back of my mind

 

[chimeraq]

That's right. We won't judge. We won't spout the usual pro-life bullshit that we are all sick of hearing. We will listen to you and offer what advice we can.

one of the most exhausting things is when you have to save someone else from suicide even when you yourself are even more suicidal. that is just tiring and exhausting.

 

[Empty Smile]

the fuck does that even mean? how will you support me? we don't know each other. your support/not support means nothing at all.

What that means is we are here to support you. We will listen to you, we will talk to you, but we will NOT encourage you to kill yourself. That is your, and only yours, decision. We will not be these people who try to make you feel guilty. We are not the people who ridicule you when you have issues.

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

i told some one i was suicidal when i was a teen. they told me i wasn't and that no one really wants to die. the next year i got punished for was was a pretty obvious attempt. my life was really shitty i had just been abandoned by my mother and her new husband. being judged and ignored hurts more than it helps. like oh you aren't depressed you aren't suicidal. gee you know karen? im much better thank you. NOT. places like this have always been kind of a safe haven. people act like they want you to talk to them but they really don't. like i hate when a stranger asks how you are. they don't actually care.

 

[Empty Smile]

i told some one i was suicidal when i was a teen. they told me i wasn't and that no one really wants to die. the next year i got punished for was was a pretty obvious attempt. my life was really shitty i had just been abandoned by my mother and her new husband. being judged and ignored hurts more than it helps. like oh you aren't depressed you aren't suicidal. gee you know karen? im much better thank you. NOT. places like this have always been kind of a safe haven. people act like they want you to talk to them but they really don't. like i hate when a stranger asks how you are. they don't actually care.

I agree. Even though here we are all strangers, we all are in the same boat, only with different issues or the same type of issues.

I feel more comfortable here than I do at my psychiatrist. Here I can open up, and not feel like I'm gonna be sanctioned just for saying something the wrong way.

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

i was made to feel like a science experiment early in child hood. some people don't want help. or don't want the kind help that is offered. honestly the psychiatric world is kinda BS thats the one thing the Scientologists got right. its hard to open up.