Venting Pain and reality

[DreamCatcher]

I was thinking people go to so much trouble to avoid pain when they die, or avoid anything that causes fear or requires courage to complete.

I had a migraine headache the other day, probably a 9/10 on the pain scale for several hours. Every method of CTB here is less painful and doesn't last as long.

Maybe I just like to find excuses? Me who might otherwise want to live constantly planning for death and maybe actually will someday. But avoiding pain can't be the reason because it would be illogical for me to stay here knowing I'll be in a thousand times the pain over thousands of days if I don't CTB soon.

Even the painless and quick methods. There is absolutely zero reason why I can't go right now and end it, and honestly I'm frustrated at myself for still being here. Too broken to live, too afraid to die is a real problem. I have the supplies to CTB a dozen times over, I'm ready willing and able, I rationalized all of the things and people keeping me here, yet I persist in this fantasy of hoping tomorrow will be better even though it probably won't be.

I think that's the real reason I'm still here, I'm too afraid to actually die. No matter how painful and horrible life is, the unknown is scarier to me.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

You make a good point. The pain of ctb doesn't compare to years of pain for some people

 

[LogicalConclusion]

Very insightful post. I can relate, as I'm sure many others can, as well. I'm not exceptionally worried about what comes after death, but the process itself, however short, is scary. For myself, I try to think of how the pain of living is worse than the pain/fear of dying. I'm also practicing (night night method) to get used to the feeling so I don't freak out when I ctb. But I think it's natural to fear the unknown; "the devil you know" and all that

 

[laila888]

I agree, I never understood how pain can keep someone back from CTB. The chances are even if you let nature take its course, it is going to be rather unpleasant. Plus if you are succesful, pain will not matter anymore because you know, you will be dead. The only fear I have is not being succesful and ending up with brain damage, paralyzed etc.