Discussion owning up

[silentsinger]

I feel as though I should probably own up to something.

Sometimes, when I am in pain, I get very confused and angry. I can sometimes be very hurtful towards the people I care the most about it.

I'm not going to say where I met this person but up until around a week ago, I was lucky enough to have an amazing friend. Somebody who really cared about me, spent a lot of time talking to me on the phone. Someone who could pick me up when I was scared and felt totally alone.

We had been talking in the evening and I don't know whether I was subconsciously trying to push this person away. I do know I kept falling in and out of sleep and I dreamed or had it in my head that this person had said mean things to me when they had not.

I said some really hurtful things to this person. A lovely person who had been there for me and genuinely cared. Someone who didn't deserve to be treated in such a way. Unsurprisingly, this person no longer wants contact with me and it is what I deserve. But I miss them so very much and still care about their wellbeing. I can't stop crying as I write this. This person would have been there through me throughout the rest of my short life if I hadn't been so horrible.

I know that I am going to end up CTB anyway but I have no idea when now because I always fail or bottle it. What I am trying to say is that I can be a very nasty and toxic person at times and I don't really deserve friendship, help or understanding anymore. I really do deserve to be alone and although it breaks my heart, it simply is the truth. Thank you for reading this.

 

[silentsinger]

It has struck me that due to my health I am never going to have the chance to make another friend again, let alone one who was so thoughtful, caring and kind like that. I'm so upset about it, even though it was all my fault.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

It has struck me that due to my health I am never going to have the chance to make another friend again, let alone one who was so thoughtful, caring and kind like that. I'm so upset about it, even though it was all my fault.

I know how you feel. I've burned a lot of bridges in my life. "I'm swimming in the smoke of bridges I have burned."

 

[Superfluous]

I feel as though I should probably own up to something.

Sometimes, when I am in pain, I get very confused and angry. I can sometimes be very hurtful towards the people I care the most about it.

I'm not going to say where I met this person but up until around a week ago, I was lucky enough to have an amazing friend. Somebody who really cared about me, spent a lot of time talking to me on the phone. Someone who could pick me up when I was scared and felt totally alone.

We had been talking in the evening and I don't know whether I was subconsciously trying to push this person away. I do know I kept falling in and out of sleep and I dreamed or had it in my head that this person had said mean things to me when they had not.

I said some really hurtful things to this person. A lovely person who had been there for me and genuinely cared. Someone who didn't deserve to be treated in such a way. Unsurprisingly, this person no longer wants contact with me and it is what I deserve. But I miss them so very much and still care about their wellbeing. I can't stop crying as I write this. This person would have been there through me throughout the rest of my short life if I hadn't been so horrible.

I know that I am going to end up CTB anyway but I have no idea when now because I always fail or bottle it. What I am trying to say is that I can be a very nasty and toxic person at times and I don't really deserve friendship, help or understanding anymore. I really do deserve to be alone and although it breaks my heart, it simply is the truth. Thank you for reading this.

Maybe you have already tried everything you can think of to try and repair this relationship that was clearly so important you. However, may I say how elegantly (perfectly) you have expressed your feelings in this post and, if you haven't considered sending this person a message with the same wording (excepting the last paragraph of course), then it may be worth a shot.

 

[silentsinger]

Maybe you have already tried everything you can think of to try and repair this relationship that was clearly so important you. However, may I say how elegantly (perfectly) you have expressed your feelings in this post and, if you haven't considered sending this person a message with the same wording (excepting the last paragraph of course), then it may be worth a shot.

I have tried to, I sent my friend a message last night/this morning but I really hurt their feelings. I don't know that I should send anymore messages because I think it would be really unfair to this person if I were to bother them further. I just can't believe I was so stupid and thoughtless. Thank you so much for your kind advice.

 

[Lush_nova]

I recently reached out to a person I had hurt, it backfired, and they lost their temper with me. It hurt, but I understood their frustration, guess I was glad just the fact I had a reaction. Negative as it was, it gave me some closure on that friendship.
Reach out to them again, once last chance regardless, don't need to say sorry just reach out and let them know you know you messed up, give them time, (it took mine a week to reply) but be prepared for nothing, and if you get something then that's a good hope

 

[silentsinger]

I recently reached out to a person I had hurt, it backfired, and they lost their temper with me. It hurt, but I understood their frustration, guess I was glad just the fact I had a reaction. Negative as it was, it gave me some closure on that friendship.
Reach out to them again, once last chance regardless, don't need to say sorry just reach out and let them know you know you messed up, give them time, (it took mine a week to reply) but be prepared for nothing, and if you get something then that's a good hope

Thank you for your kind words. I really couldn't, I think I would be a pest if I was to contact again. I wish I had been in a state at the time to voice it properly and then this wouldn't have happened. This person has a heart of gold and for me to be hurtful and therefore break their trust makes me unworthy of that kind of friendship. I also don't want to make excuses because nothing can excuse how nasty I was. This person deserves better.
I'm so sorry that you have just been through something similar. I could have gone out this world having a genuine friend but I ruined it. It is a horrible feeling because you feel almost like you lose a little part of yourself when you care so much for someone and lose them. I am glad you were able to find closure but I'm really sorry for what you have been through.

 

[silentsinger]

Reach out to them again, once last chance regardless

Thank you. What you said stuck with me and I did. Thank you so much, I'm lucky when it comes to kind friendship. Hope you are well.