Nekohime
Eh, I’ve been better …
- Oct 4, 2022
- 13
Hello
Overthinking over here, as always, this time about how insignificant I am. The sad thing is, it's not an exaggeration, I am genuinely insignificant in this world and yet I am forced to be here, knowing this. To be clear; I don't want people - or me - to feel insignificant, we are made to feel this way and that is the tragedy.
It just makes me angry, I am forced to care about life, when I don't even feel like those that make the big decisions care about my life. Starvation, homelessness, losing myself and not even recognising myself anymore. This past year has been one of the worst and I honestly don't know how on Earth I am supposed to want to be here when this is the reality for me and so many others.
I feel like everyday there is another tragedy; someone dies from starvation because their pension was cut off, someone collapses and dies at work from the physical and mental stress - these stories circulate for a day, there is outrage, and then tomorrow - nothing. We're forced to continue on like nothing happened and that we're actually happy to be here.
Sometimes I think those of us that are suicidal are the normal ones, the ones that don't want to believe a lie and see life in rose-coloured glasses. I'm supposed to say 'this is just my depression talking' but I don't think it is. I think this is as realistic as one gets. That's part of the reason why I want to be dead.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, again. As always I hope everyone is having an ok day/night, if not; I hope something good happens for you today, like you find a dollar or something :)
P.S. Do you guys ever stare at yourselves in the mirror like 'who even is this person? I don't even know anymore …' or is that just me? I legit feel like major depression has changed my face.
Overthinking over here, as always, this time about how insignificant I am. The sad thing is, it's not an exaggeration, I am genuinely insignificant in this world and yet I am forced to be here, knowing this. To be clear; I don't want people - or me - to feel insignificant, we are made to feel this way and that is the tragedy.
It just makes me angry, I am forced to care about life, when I don't even feel like those that make the big decisions care about my life. Starvation, homelessness, losing myself and not even recognising myself anymore. This past year has been one of the worst and I honestly don't know how on Earth I am supposed to want to be here when this is the reality for me and so many others.
I feel like everyday there is another tragedy; someone dies from starvation because their pension was cut off, someone collapses and dies at work from the physical and mental stress - these stories circulate for a day, there is outrage, and then tomorrow - nothing. We're forced to continue on like nothing happened and that we're actually happy to be here.
Sometimes I think those of us that are suicidal are the normal ones, the ones that don't want to believe a lie and see life in rose-coloured glasses. I'm supposed to say 'this is just my depression talking' but I don't think it is. I think this is as realistic as one gets. That's part of the reason why I want to be dead.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, again. As always I hope everyone is having an ok day/night, if not; I hope something good happens for you today, like you find a dollar or something :)
P.S. Do you guys ever stare at yourselves in the mirror like 'who even is this person? I don't even know anymore …' or is that just me? I legit feel like major depression has changed my face.